David Schaefer

The Critic

Things have been pretty good for me since the aliens named me an Ambassador of Aesthetics for the human race. The gallarians invaded at the end of a big year for my career. Between the biennial buzz and the Kanye cosign, I was beginning to make the leap from critical darling to household name, and people were talking about my "meteoric ascent" right up until the first ship landed and rendered such phrases passé (we know now that descents bring far more change.)