Carmen Smallchild
Stories (7)
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The Move Made in the Name of Love
It would be 5 months till I saw the man who instantly had me captivated. At this point I was head over heels totally obsessed and convinced that this was it. In my eyes there was no wrong that this man could do. Blinded by my own infatuation i know i missed some obvious red flags. Probably not the best mind set to have when deciding to move your children one province over in pursuit of my happily ever after. In hindsight i should of stayed put it was a 5000 dollar move that i paid on my own. You'd think a man wanting a woman to move that 10 hour distance would have at least offered some sort of help but i got it all done on my own. Finally i was in the same city as the man I was certain I'd spend the rest of my life with. It wasn't long before the honey moon phase had worn off and my paradise had quickly become chaos and disappointment. He moved in with me pretty quickly and was fully employed but he never really helped with any of the bills which i found just awful but i didn't mention it because i didn't want to rock the boat. I also seemed to be the only one cleaning and cooking while he laid in the room and played poker for hours on his phone. He rarely took me out or did anything romantic and i began to drink pretty heavy as a way to cope with my fairy tale turning sour. He eventually got fired and that became a lot to deal with for both of us. So when his mother called to ask him to manage her new business he accepted without asking me how i felt or what it would mean for us. Are you kidding me i just spent a small fortune moving here less then a year ago for him and he was moving back to the city i had just come from. That on top of breaking my heart. Who the heck was this guy? I was crushed our future was over. So he left and i was alone looking for a new apartment because I got evicted for a disagreement with a neighbour. Not before befriending a couple other neighbours who happy to see that i was single. The guy a couple doors down took a strong interest in me and wasted no time taking me and my son for dinner almost every night. He really spoiled me and i was so neglected in my relationship with Mr.C that i had forgotten what it was like to be treated like i was special. Things with me and the new guy were moving slow but i was really liking his efforts but I did start speaking with Mr.C again and he expressed how he felt and that he deeply loved and missed me. It was now when we decided to tell his mother that his mystery girl in Edmonton was none other than her former friend and waitress.... me! He asked me to move back and i was on the next bus back to the city where it had all started for us. This would be the beginning of the end of us and of myself..... the next few years would be the best and the hardest years of my life. While we were on and off I got pregnant and Mr.C would first deny the paternity and then later demand that i get a job and my own apartment before he would consider dating me. It would be a series of events lie this that would slowly chip away at the love I had for him. Our son would be 5 a the time that we finally decided to seperate for good. After catching him in lies and finding out my intuition about him cheating and with who all turned out to be right it was finally time to end it. So i went away for a bit, got engaged to someone else and eventually found myself back in familiar arms only a year after our break up we were at it again. I decided to give it my absolute best and do it right. So once again i brought the best of me, was honest loyal and loving. It resulted in an engagement but the night he asked me to marry him I got a call from another ex who wanted to see me and work on things by now my feelings for Mr.C had all but vanished so i called it off and pursued things with my new love B.... It took a total of 7 years of repeated heart break and betrayal, i developed anxiety, self esteem issues, a drug habit and restless spirit as a result of the trauma this man had put me through. We had two abortions and one child. To this day it baffles me that a man could put on such an incredible act without the slightest clue to who he really was. I worked two jobs and took evening classes while raising our new born and tending to our condo while went to work for his mother to smoke crack and sleep women who lacked in every aspect of what would be normal attraction. In hind sight the first time he hurt me should have been the last time. I passed up some really fantastic men for this man and in the end it was for nothing because once i saw him for who he was, that in itself took too long, i couldn't go back to loving him or even respecting him.
By Carmen Smallchild2 years ago in Journal
Round n round
You can't tell me that shouting, calling her names and hiding things is love. Cuz if you really think so then you werent raised on love. Love wont bring the worst parts her out in a blind rampage, leaving only terror and regret in its wake. Love wont abandon her like she means nothing not even just for a day. If you can look into her eyes filled with tears and feel nothing than I'm sorry to tell you but you don't love her If what your calling love is hurting her, then you need to focus something within yourself Love will make u want to do the work to heal, so the next woman to love you won't have suffer at all
By Carmen Smallchild2 years ago in Poets
My First Night with Mr. C
My son was born in fall of 2011. He was a week old when his father’s girlfriend messaged me to inform me of who she was. I was shocked and enraged, the man who swore to me there would never be anyone else, had a girlfriend. My heart for the very frost time literally felt like it was in pieces. My emotions ruled my mind for a few weeks. Thankfully, sister was over for the week helping me with the baby and house work. Later that morning I borrowed her car and drove to the jerk's apartment. I sat in the ally fully intending to run him over as soon as he stepped out. While I was waiting for him to show his deceitful face, my phone rang. It was my best friend. She had moved 3 proveniences away shortly after I had become pregnant. She called to ask me about the frantic texts I sent her. I told her where I was and she knew before I could say anything what I was thinking. Being the wise one of the two of us, she talked me into going home and into forgetting about the jerk who manipulated me so well. So I did. I moved shortly after to a bigger place further away from the jerk. It was spring and my son was 6 months old.
By Carmen Smallchild7 years ago in Humans
Why the First Time Should Always Be the Last Time
We met through a mutual friend, Mr. C is what I will call him for the purpose of this article, actually my best friend was a friend of his mothers. Both ladies were older than me of course. My first impression of him wasn’t a good one. Possibly because of the stories his mother told. I heard about his financial dependency on her even after he was 30, I heard about the expensive life style he lived without a job, and I heard about the image he attempted to portray to others. So, when I first met him in person I wasn’t that impressed. I felt he was arrogant and spoiled. I didn’t give off any negative vibes or remarks but I also showed very little interest in him. I remember feeling a little zap that I found unnerving when I first walked in to his mothers restaurant and saw him standing in the kitchen. I can’t really explain what exactly it felt like but it was an obvious internal jolt. I frequented the restaurant with my girlfriend and as a result I got to know and became great friends with his mother. It was a very good time in my life.
By Carmen Smallchild7 years ago in Humans
