Ashlie Drake
Bio
Mother , Wife , Sister and Daughter
Stories (2)
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Alone
My life hasn’t been so easy. I’ve always felt alone since I was old enough to understand this wild world. My thoughts and feelings never could be heard even by my closest family and friends. I just couldn’t wait till the day I finally had a family of my own to be happy and not feel so alone. I thought every day about the man I’d have children with. Was he going to be tall, Handsome, so sweet and understanding of me? All the fairy tales that ended with the Prince Charming, I just knew my charming was waiting. Then I finally met that man and it was amazing in the beginning. He would buy me flowers, call me these sweet little names. We was unseperable just like two young lovers are. He really was my prince. As the days went on and turned into years I realized the man I had fallen so deep in love with, started becoming controlling over me. What I wore, who I got to hangout with and even if I didn’t eat all my food, he would yell at me. I couldn’t believe it was really him. He had drawed me into his charming eyes and angelic ways. I had no clue who this man was anymore. I still loved him though. Why id ask myself everyday. How can I love a man who has shown how devious he is towards the women he loves. So he says he loves me. Great, I keep believing him. What a mistake all the little promises he never seemed to keep. So many nights on hours arguing towards each other. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own home. I just was ready to leave because I knew it wasn’t my love that I believe is meant for me. Then one Thursday morning I found out some news that would change everything. I was pregnant. I was happy and excited I couldn’t believe I was having a child! So many emotions ran through me that morning. I had to realize I was going to be a mother and had to protect and care for this little human. At the same time I was scared that I couldn’t be alone again especially with my child. So I decided to stay with this man hoping he would change and be the man not only me but our child needs. Doctor appointments came and he seemed excited, like he had finally seen my pain and realized how much he kept hurting me. We was great for awhile then he became even worse towards me. I never asked for anything from him because I knew the outcome. I was pregnant and done everything myself. My family adores this man and was happy I found a great husband and father to our child. They never got to witness how he was behind closed doors. He started becoming physical. That really hurt me to see the look in his eyes while causing me pain. It wasnt the man I knew once. I was pregnant I wanted love and to be cared for. I was dealing with such a life changing experience. I didn’t want to feel alone. As the time got closer I didn’t feel alone anymore I knew I was. Being a mother has been the hardest road in life but also the most magical and loving road. A love I never felt. I believe I was given our son so I could be loved and not feel so alone. My days are filled with laughter and joy now. When they was once filled with pain and sadness. The father to my son never showed any concern about my issues. I’ve dealt with post partum all alone. He was never there to hold me during the bad days. I felt as I couldn’t tell him anything. From being up all night after my cesarean and moving every where. I had no help. I still done what a mother would do. I’ve pushed through my pain before. It was all for my son. Still to this day I do it all by myself and feel alone. Every mother who has dealt with a partner who was like mine and experienced the pain. I understand, you are not alone during this chapter in life. You are brave and strong. Keep enjoying your moments with your child. Don’t let the feeling of being alone cloud those memories you’ll make. Motherhood is a struggle even when your partner is the greatest. Therefore love like there’s no tomorrow and be happy. This is my struggle. My chapter is just beginning.
By Ashlie Drake4 years ago in Families
