Ana Cecilia Aninha

i just did it

The story I'm about to tell is a genuine story of how I wish things had turned out.... my name is helena and i was 13 years old (today i'm 16), i was in the 1st year of high school because i was advanced. I'm not a girl to dress up a lot and that got me into trouble, but I didn't care. For me what I really wanted was to leave school with my diploma and look back with no regrets.....but it seems that life had different plans for me, not that I complain but....it could have been better... I think hahaha....ha in the end. I was in the Netherlands with my mother, she has been divorced for over 10 years from my biological father. she is a great mother for taking me out of the country where there was a man who called himself my father but did not treat me like his daughter. I have a lot of problems, and with problems I say anxiety and ADHD, almost nobody knows that because I don't show people much of myself, I'm afraid that they will judge me for who I am....for who I want to be, and just fear already makes me uncomfortable imagine the people and their looks. No I can't take this, I would collapse. that was exactly what i thought. well, i was at a school where there were a lot of foreigners, and there was a boy from my country there, which in this case was brazil. I liked it, it was a very welcoming place. When I got there, I made friends with people from different countries, but almost all of them came from Africa, of course that's not a problem, I'm even jealous, the point is that they were the majority in the school. and I was lucky enough to have the only other Brazilian in my class too. His name is Caio, he seemed excited when I arrived but I closed myself off from him because I didn't want friendships with people from my country at the time, I was afraid after all the bullying I went through, don't judge me. he was lively, funny and affectionate. sometimes I found him annoying, but he continued. this time I was at this school I ended up getting used to everything and everyone including this boy. I think after a couple of months I started to like a spanish boy in my class, his name was lucas....he was so handsome, funny, charismatic, smart, strong. sorry I'll concentrate. and he had a friend who i don't know if he was dutch or spanish, but i don't care now, by the way his name was joshua. he was good too. there is also his other friend named davi, he was very small, he was like in my chest. look I was 1.65, and he was 11 years old lol. well i really liked lucas, he made me laugh when i didn't want to, we never went out and we didn't have that real friends thing. but he really cared about me and I about him. his friend joshua liked me, but i always made it clear that we had no chance of working, after all i liked his friend. day after day i fell in love with lucas and it became more and more difficult to stay away from him, without hearing his voice, without smelling him... very upset. that's when......that's when he......got a girlfriend........i was devastated but i couldn't say anything. After all, we were just friends. i got over the places after 3 weeks i think. his friend joshua stayed in our class, and we got really close, so much so that i almost liked him but he was too gross for that. but he's a great person, just a little thick. and.... he harassed me one day and my luck is that my teacher saw it, because he always said that he had only touched me and I'm afraid of everything so I wouldn't say anything to anyone.....I stayed I was even more disgusted with him so I stayed away from him as much as possible, except that davi was my friend and his too, so it would be difficult but I ignored him. well the school year was about to end with good and bad memories, but the icing on the cake was yet to arrive. One thing I didn't mention is that I speak 5 languages, Portuguese, English, Dutch, Spanish and I learn a little Russian. Caio and I were close but we got along well, he was funny and I was sincere. Until then we stayed, it didn't go any further than that and I didn't want to either at the time. until.....until another Brazilian boy enters the school. remembering we were at the end of the school year, classes ended in just 1 month and I would go to the 3rd year of high school in a school in the meantime. we started talking to us and asking us what he looked like, the only thing we knew was that his name was joao caio, a very strange name but I'm not going to comment, we asked our teachers what he looked like and they said he was blond with blue eyes, and that he was tall and thin. I kept joking with Caio that he was gay and that he would want to be with him lol, he got scared and said that he would probably want to be with me, because I'm pretty and stuff, he said he'd be more into mine than what in his. well we got closer than we were because of this guy joao. when we saw him i blushed so cute he was. he looked like a fallen angel the impression i got from this boy was that he was calm and subtle. i sat next to him with my friend caio and we introduced ourselves.....he spoke and my heartbeats got faster and faster. he had a voice that calmed the soul, I don't know how to explain it but his voice left me anesthetized. I introduced myself and he said right off the bat that I was very pretty. I thanked him and said that he was too, it seemed that something had happened between us, as if.....as if something was connecting our paths, I fell in love right there. Caio was talking to him and I was on my phone. when they were done i got off my phone, even though we had class. joao had asked for our telephone numbers and I told caio to give me mine. I looked one last time into João's eyes and I shivered. because his eyes seemed like the portal to heaven itself, a sea where no waves flowed, a warm and shallow cerene sea, where one could walk in the peaceful waters of his eyes. I couldn't even believe that I was in the presence of a real angel, some time passed and we decided to leave, so Caio couldn't, so it was just me and João. talking to him alone was really nice, that's when I knew I was really in love with him, and he seemed to be in love with me too, because whenever we spoke he would make fun of me and tell me directly how my coffee eyes were beautiful and the they gave energy. we got to know each other better and we ended up having good conversations, that same day he had gone to my house and ended up meeting my mother and I his mother, his mother was a very pleasant lady just like her son, also as beautiful as such. we went to my room and he wanted to close the door and I exited because I was afraid to kiss him lol because I was 14 at the time and he was 16, but he really closed the door, we UNFORTUNATELY didn't kiss, but we left again in the same day and it almost happened, only my dad was chasing us like a rabbit chasing a carrot lol