Amanda Williams

The Returned Hurt

Loving you became so real, so real that I finally started to believe. So I gave everything in my heart, tears, and soul to make sure I was perfect for you. I gave the inner levels of my heart, and you gave me every promise. We grew, we laughed, we lived. We became one of something so PERFECT. We separated to become stronger and to fix the roads we didn't take. We vowed to never leave or hurt one another again that no matter what we wouldn't walk away this time. We explored the world, the oceans, and even the moon light. We conquered our dreams laughed at our fears and multiplied our divisions. But I knew in loving you this one secret will occur. Life was still being timed... My heart grew to become healthy from your love. My soul found God when finding you. Now this day is here seconds, minutes, hours, and the end of the day. And I'm here falling asleep holding you near waiting for this last hour to appear. Rewinding to our vow "not to hurt" and as I promised I did just that. I laid in your arms dropped my last tears and watched you sleep. I then asked for this forgiveness of breaking my vow because at this last second I knew my life will become lifeless. And the hurt you will wake up to will last so deeply. As the sunset rises over the meadow, the birds sing. There's a cold silence in the room, my body unable to connect with your temperature. The reality of my vow is about to be deceived. My soul whispers for you to awaken, you held me all night threw the pain, and unknown mysteries. This lifeless love is now a secret overdose... You gave pain, bruises, and a soul that couldn't repent. Shadows appear covering the walls, as your heart beats for the unheard melody. Cries, screams, and a devils therapy. Healing is burning as my flesh is torn apart, why doesn't my angels hear the howling of my soul. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I try to take deep breaths, but I'm slowing fading as you try and help me breathe. To start my heart your unsure on what to do, my soul is trying to hold on to you. It's so simple but deep, deeper than being buried 6 feet deep. I'd rather float on a cloud above heavens rays then exchange pain for pain is this brutality. My soul is caged, and lost in the depths of you. As I watch you, watch me lying there lifeless. Your anger starts to build as you begin to vanish, what the devil can't defeat is appearing out of its own shadow. The unknown answers make him roar in his jungle. She was his peace, the silencer of the storm. So many definitions to his verbs. Flesh to Flesh, blood for blood, he forgot to pray to the man above. He wants answers for her soul but guidance for her life. So as each tear burns her souls captivity reaches in death. She feels his pain needle to vein, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1.... "Air nothing but cold Air" Even in the shadows she cants let him fall upon his own death. Deep breaths he takes and she gives, she gives and he takes. Is this life for a life or just the beginning of a woman's drugged heart. She overdosed.... pills heartache and the strive for better gained on her all at once. Each time she picked you up, she broke apart of her. She dried her soul for each tear she lost. Her mind lost control because she couldn't think of any other way to live without you. She lost control in the world and turnt to what she thought was best. She became you and used it for the world she now needed to survive in. She became dark and more careless. Fearless of what she seen behind her eyes. She walked through so much with you, so when you left her there she escaped with rage. Brick after brick, was added to her tombstone no writings no words, not even a single petal placed there. She was walking through a world of silence among the wrath of evil. Trying to be reborn but caged in this one rib. She screamed in the shadows LORD "forgive me".... I am your child with a soul and a guided spirit. It's just my mind that's blinded with what the darkness is tryna keep defeated.