Amanda Renae

Expectation v. Reality

I graduated high school in 2015 when I was seventeen years old. Growing up, it had been embedded in me that I must go to school, get good grades, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, then start my career. That would definitely be an ideal. However, how, at seventeen, eighteen, nineteen years old, was I supposed to know what I wanted to do with my life? I started college with an undeclared major because I faced that exact problem. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I developed an interest in film making my junior and senior year of high school, but that profession is highly competitive and didn't seem like a realistic career path. Though, I did decide to declare film making as my major until the fear of failing overwhelmed me. For one of my general ed courses, I took ASL (American Sign Language). I picked up signs quickly and made a few deaf friends at the college and joined the ASL club. I fell in love with the language and the culture, so it made sense when I decided to change my major from film making to ASL interpreting. Interpreting. Now that sounded like a realistic, achievable career. Though, I had no idea if I would be any good at it. As I dived into higher level ASL classes, I quickly realized how difficult interpreting really was. I didn't let that stop me. I continued to learn and grow and pass all of my classes. I passed my screening exam which allowed me to start my two-semester long interpreting internship, and after I completed my internship, I passed my final comprehension test and ultimately received my Bachelor's Degree in Interpreting in the spring of 2020. After receiving my degree, I applied to work as an instructional assistant for deaf and hard of hearing children because though I have a bachelor's degree in interpreting, I cannot work as interpreter until I become certified. I had the interview which consisted of a screening test of my interpreting skills. I got the call that I was hired that same day, I started as a substitute and by the start of the second semester, I was placed in one class. That all happened during the big year of covid, so I spent most of that year working through Zoom. The second school year I started, we were back in the classroom. I felt more confident and comfortable being in an actual classroom environment. However, this confidence must have blinded me from my flaws because by the end of this year when it came time for my evaluation, there was nothing but negative feedback. I was surprised by everything negative they had to say. I have always been a hard worker and I always strive to do my best. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes, but these mistakes were never brought to my attention until my evaluation. I sat down with the vice principal and we wrote out goals of improvement for myself. However, that list of goals are now rendered useless because instead of giving me a chance to grow and improve with them, they handed me to a different school because "they are having some problems with me and I'm not a good fit." These problems being I do not engage with the students enough, I'm not just the interpreter, but also like a "second teacher", and I forgot to make copies once which now warrants a whole section in my evaluation form where I will "follow directions that the teacher gives me". I went to school as an interpreting major. I wasn't trained to teach students. However, I'm hired on as an instructional assistant, so my hours are limited, I can't get full time, I'm only making a few dollars over minimum wage, and I have no benefits. School faculty are all about being a "family" and having school "pride" and "spirit". I've on and off felt out of place working in a school environment. Sometimes I feel as though my personality clashes with the other staff members. I am extremely introverted, which is probably where I went wrong in the first place as an interpreting major. I have reached the point where I once again feel lost and unsure of what I want to do with my life. I have distaste for the entire system of "work until you're too old to actually enjoy life". I don't want to live to work, I want to work to live. I want a job where I can feel confident and comfortable and most importantly, happy.