Alisia Falise

A Positive Mindset

He told me 'i wish I could have your mind set.' and I just knew what to say. I had to work for this shit, I printed what I wanted to believe on my skin so every time I held my head in my hands I would be reminded of this shit. I had to tell myself the little things were important before I believed them. I had to tell myself the situations I was in and the things I felt wouldn't last forever even though I was absolutely 100 percent positive that they would. I had to work for this shit. Waking up in the morning with a tear stained face and still putting on that first song of the day. Sitting in bed I will rub the black mud from around my eyes I wore so prim the night before and tell myself this is a new day. And some days, I will say it over and over and over, cause this way of thinking didn't come easy to me. I had to work for this shit. I had to want it. And I didn't for so long. I didn't want to be strong I wanted the world to accommodate me. Can I just get a break I would scream so often but the sound just bounced around in my head cause who would I scream it too. I had to work for this shit guy. I had to want it. You are stronger then you think. Everyone feels this way. Even though I thought I was alone I chose to look around the world I blindly lived and see it for the raw and interesting thing it was. The way the clothes lay on my skin.. I had to work for this shit. I had to want it. And I told myself that I didn't give a fuck about anything but I gave a fuck about everything way too much. And I forgot about all the abilities I had and how strong I was. I had to work for this shit. And I had to want it. And telling myself all of these things MADE me want it. I looked around and let go. And in letting go I gained more control over myself then I ever thought I would. Cause I'm working for this shit I fucking wanted it. I began to see within what was my hell between work and home and bills and keeping up with relationships when I no longer thought I needed friends, the sky was always out. And the walk home took more time but felt shorter if I stopped to sit on the swings. You gotta work for that shit my dude. Even during those times you don't want it. I was in your shoes. The world will always be hard but you are so much stronger than you think. You were literally made for this world.