Alec James
Bio
Comedian/Writer based out of Los Angeles, California.
Stories (2)
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We Found Love In a Trash Can
A New York City gym: Upper West Side Moms are working out in their matching Lululemon sets, Soccer Dads gingerly lift too-heavy weights, InstaGays stare at the weights and somehow have perfect, sculpted muscles, and I’m sweating through my over-sized Mariah Carey Christmas concert tee struggling to do a thirty second plank. I have both lower boob and upper tummy sweat - the sweat lines forming a smiley face on my tee - and my hair is everywhere but where it needs to be. I’m not cute or attractive when I workout. My fake tan is spilling from my forehead onto the mat below ruining the gym towel I’m hovering over. I’m a literal dumpster fire just trying to hopefully squeeze into my 34 waist stretchy jeans from H&M for work tonight, but I thought about carbs today, so the zipper probably won’t zip. So, I continue to try and hold my plank while vigorously holding in a fart because the hot dad decided to sit next to me to do his stretches and he looked at me, which I instantly took for flirting, and now I’m spending the remainder of my plank planning our future: should Cecil and Timber (our future adopted children) go to private or public school?
By Alec James5 years ago in Humans
