I'm in physical pain. How can emotions hurt so much? I want to puke and simultaneously disappear. Why am I so embarrassed? Why do I fuck up everything? 

They keep telling me to learn to describe what I feel. Recognize my feelings, and you can control them, stop them before they get worse.  

I feel like I can't breathe like the world is smothering me. My physical presence is so unwanted, unimportant, and unneeded in this world that I could wander into the woods, and no one would notice. I want to leave. I have this general feeling of wanting to run, far and fast and away, somewhere no one will find me. 

I feel disgusted. Absolute disgust for my body, how I look and how men treat me. I know it’s my fault. I hate myself for it. I hate every part of me. When I look in the mirror, I tell that girl that she's ugly inside. She's worthless. Everyone is just using her.

I feel tightness and pressure in my chest that is unbearable. I feel the warm, wet tears soaking my face and my pillow. 

I feel this ache, this ache of complete loneliness. 

I feel worried and anxious; I keep checking the clock. The girls will need their mother soon. 

I feel exhausted. It's always there, and there is no cure for it. I can't fall asleep, and when I do, the quality is subpar at best. 

I feel tightness in my neck and shoulders, as well as pain in my head, around my ears, and in my jaw. 

I feel rejection deep in my soul. Rejection from everyone. Especially you. 

I feel an ache in my hips that never stops; it came when I had Millie, and it’s a constant reminder that my body created a life that is gone. 

I'm so overwhelmed that the best I can hope for is to fall asleep, and maybe I'll forget all the things and people that hurt me, even if it's just for a second. I need that relief. My memory forgets everything else, so why can't I forget when people hurt me? 

Every Night

Living with Night Terrors, Panic and Anxiety





I'm in physical pain. How can emotions hurt so much? I want to puke and simultaneously disappear. Why am I so embarrassed? Why do I fuck up everything? 



Every Night

Living with Night Terrors, Panic and Anxiety

About the Creator

A Lady with a Pen

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