Real Life Imitating Art

Many years ago I read and studied a book by Franz Kafka called 'The Trial.' It is a story about a thirty-year-old man who is arrested, prosecuted, convicted, and executed for committing an unspecified crime.

Many years later I found myself in three similar situations in my personal life. The first time was when my lovely second ex-wife violently kicked me out of bed whilst I was fast asleep, severely injuring me in the process.

When I asked my wife why she had done what she did, she replied in a complaining tone "I want to talk." I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She replied, "Well if you don't know I'm not telling you." I said, "Then there is nothing I can do for you, you cannot expect me to guess what is on your mind."

For that reply, I received the beating of my life and ended up running out of my own house in my torn pajamas, into three feet of snow on the pavement, and into my car. I had to drive to a friend's house, at three o'clock in the morning, to take refuge. To this day I have no idea what the devil was on her mind, what heinous crime I had unwittingly committed.

***

Fast forward five years, at the beginning of our separation and divorce in the south of Spain. In an attempt to de-stress myself, I was driving to the beach on a coastal road. Suddenly my cell phone began to signal an incoming call. I pulled over in a layby to take the call. What follows is the beginning of a truly bizarre experience.

"Hello, who is it please?"

"It's the police, where are you?"

"Very funny bro, what do you want."

"Bro no, it really is the national police, you're under arrest, where are you?"

"I'm on the coast road to the beach, why am I under arrest?"

"I cannot tell you that on a cell phone. You must report to the police headquarters tomorrow morning at eight-thirty in the morning."

The next morning at the police station a desk officer took my details and told me that I had to appear in front of a judge at ten o'clock. When I asked what for he told me couldn't say.

My young attorney advised me to deny deny deny, whatever I was accused of. Still not knowing what crime I had committed against whom, I could not prepare any defense, so deny it would have to be.

At ten o'clock sharp I was marched into a judge's office. The judge told me that I was in a special court for the protection of women. The judge informed me that my wife had complained about me accusing her of having an affair. She was, I caught them at it. He then said I had once called her stupid. I had, eighteen months previously, after she beat me up, causing me serious physical harm. However, I followed my legal advice and denied all.

"We'll see..." said the judge. "We go to trial next Wednesday. Good day."

I could not believe that it was a crime to truthfully accuse your partner of having an affair or to call her stupid after she beat you up.

The following Wednesday, at the trial, the judge read out the accusations against me. First, my ex tearfully gave a detailed version of events. Then she sat down and I was ordered to stand up and speak into the microphone.

Unfortunately, my ex refused to let me speak by constantly, noisily interrupting. Twice the judge, who was very much on her side, told her to be quiet so that he could listen to me. The third time the Judge exploded as he shouted across the courtroom at her

"Twice I have told you to be quiet madam, are you deaf or stupid? Just shut up or get out!" Oh, the sheer irony of it all.

She jumped up from her seat and shouted back at the judge "Fine, have it your own way," before storming out of the shocked courtroom, angrily slamming the door in an act of defiance as she went out. Many a judge would have had her hauled back in to be immediately sentenced to a few hours in jail for contempt of court. Not this one.

The judge then angrily looked at me and said "This is all your fault. I declare you guilty. I am putting you under a month's house arrest. Good day." Of course, I appealed and won my appeal.

***

These days I am quite an active member of various internet sites and one of them, which I shall not name, has suddenly suspended a part of my activities on their site on the basis that I have violated their guidelines.

I have very politely asked what I am specifically guilty of. I have simply been told again that part of my activity has been suspended, that I should consult the guidelines, and that the suspension cannot be lifted.

All I can do is gracefully accept the suspension and get on with my life. As I do not want to dwell on this matter too much, and potentially make matters worse, I have chosen to not engage anywhere on the matter at hand. So I'm sorry, but I cannot respond to any comments made here, no matter how well-meaning they may be. All I can do is dedicate my time to writing my stories. I thank you all for your kind support.