Next time

It had become normal. Well as normal as anything was now. Since the temperatures had become permanently unlivable daily life had changed quite a lot. The suits were required for protection from the now absolutely lethal climate. Shelly was as used to all this as much as anyone can be. As much as we were able to be with the first outbreak. That had been just the beginning. Suits were now the only way one could safely move around outside. Without one a person could venture no more than somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes outside before they would succumb to a heatstroke. And that was anyone of any age, regardless of health or their vitality. Shelly had to go today. She didn’t want to give credence to the thought, but she knew it may be her last chance. 

She sat on the floor of her living room by the door and put on the boots first. Then stood up and grabbed what was hanging on the hook. She then slipped the full coverage suit around half of her body over one arm and draped it over one leg. She stood and then began zipping and tucking the suit over herself. Hers looked aged somehow even though these had just been issued about eight months ago to the public. It was one of the first productions that had been pulled from crates at the community center. They did a virtual raffle and she had watched from her old MacBook as they called what they had emphasized multiple times as the last number to secure one. Her friend Amy from school was an organizer and as the list had dwindled to the last few to be chosen her friend texted her demanding Shelly’s size for the shoes. They had already had a conversation about if she didn’t get picked. And Shelly had considered arguing over the morality of taking a suit that could have also been raffled and Amy assured her that each of the distributors, as they called themselves, got one extra to give away. Amy’s parents had already invested in premium ones for themselves and Amy got one free as a distributor. Shelly had joked at some point earlier about the raffle over dinner, at Shelly’s house and not Amy’s because Shelly did not yet have a suit, “You sure you don’t want to save a big kid or something.” Amy only responded with a delay after a few more slow chews of her bite while scrolling the news, hypnotized by her phone. “Piss off”, she answered listlessly without a glance up. Her faced showed her disdain for the words on her screen. She scrolled her thumb a few more times angrily before slamming her phone on the table beside her. “And the governments making all of the ones for kids, so fuck em for now.” She faked sneered before stabbing at another morsel and Shelly knew that was the end of the conversation about it.

Shelly moved to finish the zippers on the side and then moved to attach the head piece. She always had trouble getting the pin into the box of that particular section of zipper. It was like the pin was barely just bigger than the box and if she didn’t shove it at the extant right angle it refused to catch.

She struggled with it for a few minute before forcing it. She was already sweating under the thick layer of beige canvas and plasticy white shower curtain like material on the inside. She had learned to tuck the boots before zipping because if she tucked last into the bands on the boots she would be dripping sweat before she could get it turned on. She had also learned from Amy to leave the head partially unzipped when she first turned it on to help keep her from getting too overheated while getting it together. Shelly got lightheaded easily and even though air conditioning was now required by law in all buildings it was still a hot day and her landlord kept her apartment at the bare minimum, that being the highest temperature allowed, that was required for her district.

The controls for the suit were on the top front near her left shoulder. It had one “on” button that she pressed. And it also had two arrows “up” and “down” in the middle and then one under on that read “room”.

The air had started flowing through the suit the moment she had pressed it. It was immediately cool and a relief.

Eventually she took a couple last breaths before getting up with a slide of one of her arms under herself. She pulled her identification card from a pocket hung on the wall and slipped it into a pocket on the front of her suit. She then unlocked and pulled her heavy front door open. She stepped outside into the alcove of the stairs of her building. It still was probably around 112 in that shade. The suit made her more unsteady so she always took her steps a little bit wider to help fortify her center of gravity. 

She made her way down to the landing and the car she had ordered was already there. The loading zone had an overhang built over it to help fight the sun. She was in LA and the city had been making effort to put up more overhangs to help create more shade. The suits in direct sunlight spent the energy cells more rapidly.

Shelly slide into her seat in the back and the nodded to the person in a lighter driving suit in the front as she handed him her id. His suit was grey and sleek. He scanned it on an application on his dash and handed it back to her. She wondered if he was worried that she would not tip because of her standard issue suit.

They drove away from her apartment wordlessly as the address she was headed had already been loaded for him before the drive. She was only heading a few blocks into town but she had to take the ride. Not because her cells would drain too fast but because there were traps still out to try to steal suits off people. There was a shortage in some of the neighborhoods so it wasn’t safe to walk around in one. She would be an immediate target.

The driver got her to the building in just a few minutes. It the entrance of the hospital. He dropped her off at the front because that’s where he thought she needed to be. Before she got out the driver gave her a last nod in the review and she saw his warm dark eyes behind the synthetic material of his headpiece. She gave a soft smile back. Interactions were pretty much only that now. Anything beyond that was wasting resources in the outside.

She got out and stood under the alcove before the doors and looked inside to see if anybody was beyond them. No one. She then turned away from the building and started out into the light. She stayed along the side of the building trying to see anyone else outside but couldn’t make out any other suits in the glare. She just hoped no one could she her either. She knew about security on the inside but her mom couldn’t keep track of anyone outside the hospital. She knew from her mom that this week was Adrianna’s week for patrolling her unit and Adrianna didn’t check rooms. She and Stephanie switched off weekly. Stephanie was much more thorough and made it so Shelly couldn’t sneak in during her week. 

She walked the length of the building until she reached the wing attached to the end. The motor on her suit whirred louder in the direct sunlight. Just before she reached the corner she turned into the bushes before a window. She pushed through the branches. The window was pretty high up, just above her eye line. She reached up and knocked on the glass and then waited. She watched the glass and listened but there was no response. She balled her fist and reached up again this this making sure she was obscured her before she struck the thick glass harder. She waited for what felt like a few minutes and then she heard a click and then slowly she saw the window lift inward and it emitted a hydronic sounding hiss. She immediately reached up and hooked her gloved hands over the ledge and began hoisting herself up by climbing her legs up the side of the wall. She had been surprised with herself the first time she had been able to do it. It had taken her nearly three times as long as it did now. The suit still made it extra difficult because of the extra weight.

Once at the top she would slide a leg in and then shift herself around to stick the other leg through. And then she would slide her whole self down. It was a tight fit. The window only opened enough for her to barely squeeze through.

But she did.

The inside was higher up than the out, so she didn’t need to fall in. She thought about if the wing wasn’t designed in this way she most likely would not manage to sneak in, especially while having to be in the suit. The main hospital building was several stories tall and all of the care units were at least on the second floor she had discovered when she had been there before. It had been when she had been there trying to persuade the hospital to not make her entering, and not breaking and entering, a thing. Not breaking and entering because she was not breaking she had already convinced herself. Her feet hit the linoleum she stooped down so she could slide her torso out from under the glass. The control box always caught on the ledge a little and she had to shimmy it through the gap. As soon as the only thing left was her head in the window a blast of cold air filled the window from where the sill was. It rushed against the hood of her suit she couldn’t her a thing expect for the hiss of air.

Once out of the window she popped up to its left and hit a button and it immediately began to close. Her eyes lingered for a moment as the glass slowly lowered.

She turned to face the room. Her eyes began to adjust to the dimness.

There were only two lights that were on, shining green and red on a toothbrush by the sink on the wall. Up against the wall was her mom in the hospital bed and all of the cords that were attached. Her mom was a majority of what was in the room now. They had lost track of how big she had actually gotten because there were no scales in the hospital that were capable of measuring her. The doctors had guessed around seven once. Seven hundred. All of the people in this permanent unit were Shelly found out later at least usually around there.

She couldn’t super make out her mom’s face yet because some humidity had built up at the inside of her hood so she just saw her mom’s hand do a little swinging wave from where it had been placed on the bed.

Shelly waved back with one hand as she pressed the room button on her suit. The motor on her panel hummed loudly before it acclimated with the inside temperature. The humidity started to fade and she tilted her head back sort of exaggerated so she could see her mom and her mom could see her face so she could give her a cheesy grin to try to lighten the mood. Her mom smiled, the corners of her mouth tugging at the skin on her mostly limp face. 

Shelly then went over and hugged her around the neck but carefully so as not disturb the cords as she said hi. She held on while she felt the corded arm press against her back and hold her. Whenever she first entered the room she always felt like she was landing on another planet with the literal suit and whole new foreign process but the hug was the same even with the additional layers of fabric.

They stayed for a few moments like that before Shelly pulled away just enough so she could sit next to her on the extra wide bed. The suit was necessary still there. Her mom was vulnerable and a lot more viruses and contagions were developing all the time because of the temperature. Shelly couldn’t risk giving her mom any. 

Shelly leaned back before asking if they were still treating them like royalty here? She spoke a little louder to make it over the now softer hum of the motor on her suit that had balanced out with the temperature of the room and through the clear synthetic material before her face. She felt sweaty from exerting herself even with the suits chill. She saw her mom gesture towards the board on the table next to her as Shelly had the thought to turn her suit down more so she reached to hand the board to her while lowering the temperature a few more degrees on the controls with her other hand. When the whirring picked up again she turned towards the door to make sure it was locked, while her mom took a marker that was fixed to the board off and began to write. The door was already locked. Her mom had used the reacher Shelly had gotten her to turn the bolt and it was also what she used to open the window for her. The stroke a few months before she had come there had taken away her speech and most of the mobility she had had left.

She flipped the board around so Shelly could see, even though Shelly had already almost forgotten the joke she asked and was getting a response for. Her mom had written “alright + clean”. 

Shelly nodded and just smiled, she was glad she made it again. Her mom grabbed the eraser at the top of the board and began clearing the words to make room for more. While she did that Shelly checked around the room to assure herself that it was still clean and livable. Even it wasn’t she wasn’t sure she could do anything to change it so she was grateful it was.

She had argued with the staff before in person and then on the phone after they placed a reduction on visiting hours. They had explained that staff had to be used to inspect visitors suits to look for damage to prevent air contamination and it just wasn’t feasible weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly even. They had said once every three months she could see her mom. And when she said that she could not settle for that when her mom was not likely to make it three months at a time they just apologized in their rehearsed medical way.

Her mom flipped the board and it read, “they patrol now, someone saw on outside camera”.

Her handwriting was worse than last time. Shelly didn’t want to notice. Her mom grabbed the eraser again to wipe it clean. The focus only showed in her brows. As she wrote what was next, Shelly took her in. Her skin did not look better and her hair had thinned more. The sadness began to rise and she tried to swallow it before her mom’s eyes looked up searching for hers. This time it read, “you don’t have long”.

“That’s alright,” Shelly assured her. “There’s a couple block parties I was hoping to pass through on my was back.”

Her mom tapped the board on Shelly’s knee in a chiding motion. Her mom then shook her head and then made an expression showing she remembered something. And with a small jolt she turned back towards the side table away from them and began shuffling through the items stacked on top. Shelly waited until her mother turned back towards her with something cupped in both her hands.

She motioned for her daughter to extend her own hands and Shelly did. Her mom then held the item in one hand and motioned with her other for Shelly to close her eyes and she did. Once she did she felt her mother’s hand set the thing in her own and when she opened she saw the small heart shaped locket that had been her grandma’s before her mother’s. It was aged gold with a matching chain and etched on the cover was a wilting flower with a single leaf at the root of its stem. 

She looked at it sitting in the center of her glove and felt the weight of it. She didn’t want to acknowledge its meaning. Trying to push the thought out she moved to open it as a distraction. The gloves impeded her dexterity and she struggled. Her mom reached over and popped open the clasp. What was revealed was Shelly’s beaming face outside at about three years old. They had been on a trip to Alaska before the biggest changes. 

Shelly hadn’t looked inside the locket in many years and the person inside seemed lifetimes further away.

She closed her hand around it and looked to her mom’s face.

“I can’t take it yet.” Her mom didn’t react so she added, “It’s still yours.” Her mom grabbed her hand with the locket and then patted it with the other before grabbing the board.

This time her mom starting to write something and erased quickly it before making a sort of gasping sigh. Shelly reached for her and her mom nodded into Shelly’s shoulder, stopping herself from crying. She then straightened up and continued writing. She wrote and then turned the board with a soft smile, it said, “hold onto until next time”. 

Shelly understood and did her best to nod and shove the tears down but a few slipped from the edges of her eyes. She forgot the suit for a moment and moved to wipe them away but only managed to press the non-absorbent hood material against her face. 

Eventually she recollected herself enough, and nodded further to reassure her mom. 

Her mom reached for the marker again and while Shelly had the moment she tried to hold it together. She wanted to tell her mom that her talking about her going was too much. And it was so hard to even want to be a part of this world. It was taking so much self-convincing without hating it for being a place where her mom even could die. And it wasn’t even could anymore. She was going to. The acceptance was just coming far slower than the reality. 

Her mom flipped the board again. She had written, “Tell Amy thank you again” with a small heart under it.

Right after Shelly had told her she would there was a heavy knock at the door and then someone tried to turn the knob. As soon as it happened Shelly shoved the locket in her front pocket and then jumped up and hugged her mom tightly before bolting to the window and pressing the button. The nurse would be back quick with the key. The window seemed to take forever to lift all the way up. Shelly was already shoving her head through before it was fully open. When she was flipping around after maneuvering her body she saw her mom frantically writing something. Her suit was already adjusting and over that and the windows air blasting so Shelly’s goodbye was silenced. Her mom finished and flipped the board while also using her reacher to push the close button right after Shelly had swung both legs out. She read the message as she sat perched for the last few seconds before the automatic glass bumped her to the ground. The board read, “Luv u” in the quickest scrawl. Shelly read it as she was pushed down and the last thing she saw was her mom holding it grinning while waving with her reacher goodbye with the knob turning downward on the door.

Shelly dropped back down behind the bushes. She fell to her knees and dirt stained the beige of her suit. She stood up and then bent to brush off as much as she could to try to remain inconspicuous. She thought she had dropped before anyone could see her but she still wanted to move quickly in case they were already alerting security. She hoped it wasn’t the case and they were just giving her mom a hard time about locking the door. Shelly made her way back toward the shade of the entrance and felt heavier than when she had walked the way earlier. She felt the pocket on her front and felt the locket and a few tears welled up again, but as they ran down her cheeks they cooled and dried in the air flow. The sun continued to blast down she walked along the edge and it made everything blinding. There she allowed herself to sink into the thought that next time might not really be that far away.