Good Things

No, the Matrix is not what I'm getting at here.

We hear a lot about screen time and how bad it is for us, causes short attention span in kids, violent imagery, etcetera, ad nauseum. And yes, all of that - and more - is available.

But what people don't seem to see - maybe they're too binary to see it, for them it's whole hawg or none - are the good things that happen online. If one curates one's feed.

Not necessarily an echo chamber, but I have friends who run the gamut of faiths, origins, genders, sexualities, political opinions (although I avoid extremists), and so forth. Part of this is that I like people as a rule, and very very few people do I actively dislike.

In any case, in 2010 I wrote this little piece, entitled Love Song to the Internet. My opinions (and my writing skills!) have evolved a bit since then, but it's still fairly accurate as far as it goes. Please excuse the excessive punctuation.

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"They" say that our online lives make us less connected with each other; that we don't know each other as human beings anymore. I submit that "they" are wrong. At least for me.

Because of the Internet, I have more friends. "They" may say that these are not "real" friends. "They" are incorrect. I have true friends on the Internet. Oh sure, some of them are only friends in the sense that they assist me in games on Facebook, or that we're part of the same birth club, or that we've been part of the same support group for health issues or single parenting or whatever.

But that doesn't matter. In each of these groups I've made real friends, true friends who have sent cyberhugs when I feel down, medical articles when I'm worried about my kids, gotten me job interviews, and even sent solid, real-life gifts to celebrate a new baby (from the Other Side of the World even). I met my (ed note: now late) husband online, for which I am forever grateful.

I know more people than before the Internet, no matter how casually, and some of those relationships have grown into more than casual. Some I've met in person, some I've been close to all my life (hi, Mom!), and some I've never met except from the other side of the keyboard. Some are in my hometown, some were once but have moved away. Some are in Europe, Asia, Oceana, and South America. Some move around.

Some are enjoying life, some are grieving, some are bringing life into the world, some are leaving the world. Some are angry, some are depressed, some are happy, some are joyous. I sound like Ecclesiastes, I know... but it's true. The more people you know, however casually, the more you have the chance to know better.

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My therapist and I have discussed this at length; I was fairly reclusive (especially by my usual extrovert standards) for a while after my husband's death, and she wanted me to get out more. Not to date or anything like that; just to be out and seeing people face-to-face.

And then the pandemic hit.

My therapist and I both had to laugh - I was finally participating in the world again, venturing out and making small talk - and then bam! Stay indoors, away from everyone but your immediate family, etc. And I did.

But I already had all these online relationships, and between them and the coping mechanisms I developed immediately after Laston's death, I was in a lot better shape than many people, I think. I already had the connections, so I didn't have as much angst as some at being restricted in my movements. For the most part, anyway; I got as squirrelly as anyone else after several months but at first, I felt safe at home, not stuck at home.

It doesn't hurt that I have both technical know-how and a close relationship with my kids; I can spot-check their online activity without much trouble. Liz (14) and I even send each other wholesome memes to wake up on weekend mornings! It's nice.

If your online life is a scary place, that's often the message, not the (social) medium. I mean, yes, many of the social media platforms suck in a lot of ways, are bad for you and yours, let rando extremists have their say, collect your data, blah blah blah. Which is bad.

But it's not all bad. Don't throw the digital baby out with the bathwater.