eHarmony vs OurTime

At 48, reentering the dating scene felt more like a brave expedition than a leisurely stroll. After nearly two decades of marriage and a few years of self-rebuilding, I found myself sitting in front of my laptop googling, “best dating sites for over 40.” That’s how I stumbled across eHarmony and OurTime—two platforms that cater to people like me but in vastly different ways. I’ve now tried both, and here’s everything I wish I’d known from the start.

The Profiles: Depth vs. Simplicity

If eHarmony were a novel, OurTime would be a magazine.

eHarmony asked me dozens of detailed questions—from emotional availability to communication style. It took about 30 minutes, and by the end of it, I felt like I had just gone through a therapy session. But there was something comforting in that depth. I liked knowing that the man on the other end wasn’t just there for a quick flirt; he had also gone through the same process and put in that emotional investment.

OurTime, on the other hand, felt breezier. Signing up was quick, and while there were options to elaborate on hobbies or preferences, the experience leaned more toward casual dating. You can easily scroll, like, and message without too much friction. I appreciated the ease, but it also meant more small talk and less compatibility filtering.

User Demographics: Same Age, Different Energy

Both platforms target mature daters, but the vibe is strikingly different.

OurTime caters specifically to singles over 50, and I quickly noticed a lot of users who were retired, widowed, or recently divorced. Many profiles were refreshingly candid, even charmingly awkward, but some felt like they hadn’t been updated in years. I did match with a sweet man named Paul who was an avid birdwatcher—but we were clearly at different life paces. He wanted quiet mornings and routine. I wanted shared adventures and the occasional impromptu weekend getaway.

eHarmony, although open to all ages, offers a curated space for serious relationships regardless of your decade. I matched with men in their early 50s who still worked, traveled, and had similar ambitions. That made a huge difference to me. There’s a certain forward momentum in eHarmony’s user base that aligns more with my energy.

Messaging: Who Makes the First Move?

This is where the two really diverged for me.

On OurTime, messaging is straightforward, but I found myself receiving more generic “Hi beautiful” types of messages—sweet, but often uninspired. And while women can message first, it felt more like the traditional dating dynamic: men initiate, women respond.

eHarmony’s guided communication tools gave me prompts to help break the ice, which was perfect for someone a little rusty like me. It felt like the training wheels I didn’t know I needed. And once the conversation started, it tended to go deeper. We’d already both passed the compatibility test, after all.

Price: What’s the Real Investment?

Dating at this age isn’t just about swiping—it’s about being intentional. And that often comes with a price tag.

OurTime was affordable, offering options like $7 to $12 per month depending on the plan. But I noticed many of the more appealing features—like seeing who liked you or boosting your profile—required extra fees. It’s easy to end up paying more than you expected.

eHarmony, on the other hand, is definitely more expensive up front, with plans ranging from $35 to $65 per month depending on the duration. But you get what you pay for. The experience feels more premium, the profiles more thought-out, and the features more robust.

If you want a detailed breakdown, I recommend reading this article on eHarmony cost and plans which I found incredibly helpful before upgrading my own subscription.

Safety and Seriousness

One surprising difference was how each site handles fake profiles and safety features.

eHarmony’s verification process made me feel more secure. Every time I matched with someone, I had confidence they were who they said they were. OurTime doesn’t have quite the same level of screening, and I did receive a few suspicious messages that made me pause.

That said, both sites allow you to report and block users easily, which is essential.

Success Rate and Real Matches

After using both sites for over six months, here’s the honest truth:

eHarmony connected me with people I could actually see a future with. I had a few promising dates—one of which turned into a months-long relationship. The depth of the match questionnaire helped filter out the fluff.

With OurTime, I had more conversations, more attention, and more coffee dates—but fewer meaningful connections. It’s great if you’re easing back into dating or just looking for companionship. But if you’re like me, ready to build something lasting, eHarmony was the better bet.

Which Is Right for You?

Let me break it down based on what matters to you:

• Looking for casual connection and easy messaging? Go with OurTime.

• Ready to meet someone serious and don’t mind a more detailed setup? Try eHarmony.

• Want the best of both worlds? You can test both for free—but be intentional about what you’re hoping to find.

Dating in your 40s or 50s doesn’t mean settling. If anything, it means finally knowing what you want. Whether that’s a second shot at love, a partner to travel with, or just someone who understands your 90s music references, you deserve a platform that matches your pace and your heart.

For me, that platform was eHarmony.

But whichever you choose, take your time—and enjoy the journey.