What Do You Bring Along

Writing Down the Bones Deck to Free the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg — What did you bring — in your purse, on a trip, to a party, in your suitcase, in your book bag, in your car?

My purse always has too much in it. It is full and it is heavy. Even when I size down on purpose. I have a larger wallet with photos, two full rows of cards, including two IDs, and two pockets with one for cash, and one for receipts.

Then I have a checkbook, a passport, and a smaller wallet for just medical and driver information. I have my phone, glasses in a case, two sets of keys, lipstick, ibuprofen, tums, and important papers that I will need for the day, week, or month.

When on a trip, my purse goes, medications, tea, and snacks, go into a backpack along with a laptop if there is room, books, and things I need for the trip. If it is an overnight trip, I can fit an outfit and pj’s in there, minus the books and computer, which I have a carrying case for.

It is important that I have my smudging medicines in a special bag that includes my eagle feather and a few other special items.

When I am gone for longer than overnight, I have a suitcase on wheels that I take everything I need for as many days as I will be gone. One is purple and if I’m gone longer than a few days, I have a matching pink one. Both are on wheels.

Today, I am going to a party and I have chicken in a crock pot, water, pop, ice, prizes, both a sheet cake and ice cream cake, a large frying pan, a projector, and a laptop.

My car is prepared in the winter with an electric start, a heated seat, a tank heater, a warm blanket, extra clothes, for a breakdown or being in the ditch, a snow brush, and a window scraper for ice and snow. A tire gauge, a vacuum, gum, floss picks, tweezer, phone plug-ins, and supplies for group.

Writing Down the Bones Deck to Free the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg — Besides your toothbrush, hat, comb and brush, wallet, what did you drag along from the inside? Attachments, resentments, fears, regrets?

A good topic has many dimensions — it can be physical and ethereal, concrete and abstract. Go for both sides.

Mix it up: A red slip and hope. A nail clip and anxiety. You could bring with you a bag of cement or flowers, perfume behind your ears, a cancer in your gut you don’t know you have.

Plunge in. Move the pen. What do you never leave behind? Who travels — for real or in your mind and body — with you wherever you go? Let the hand speak. Don’t think. Let the mind transport you.

When I am public speaking or training as I was this week, I pay attention to my feelings. I appeared a bit stressed. Too much going on at once. Planning a birthday party that would be just a day away from getting home. Writing a book that takes time. My conversation was taped with one of my elders.

That conversation needs to be typed, edited, and placed in the book. Some jitters about not knowing the audience. The topic is American Indians 101, but it can be difficult for some to sit through. We talk about trauma, grief, and loss. I turn my anxiety into excitement as I was taught many years ago.

Cancer is not a worry right now. I save that for just before my next oncology appointment. Last time I got a clean bill of health and had a PET scan so that is not a worry right now.

I do have an upcoming appointment with a sleep study doctor as I now have sleep apnea and have been on the machine for a couple of months.

One of our trainers was spending time with her sister as her sister's husband was dying. She wasn’t sure she would make the training. That meant one less trainer and she is the newer lead. I would need to step up. I can but I don’t like to. This added some stress.

She did show up and her brother-in-law had died, so it was a relief for her but also disturbing. She was telling herself it was a good thing as he had bone cancer and was so uncomfortable, even being in hospice comfort care. She couldn’t be 100% and it was clear to me.

Then she was sick on day three. She was dizzy and sick to her stomach. She spent the day at the clinic and then in physical therapy. Then, we hear about our participants’ experiences both with the people they work with and in their own lives. I could go on and on about those experiences.

It is important for me to leave work at work and it has been important since 1984 and I know how to do that. I made sure they knew grief work, what it is, and how simple things can make a difference. And I need to thank them for all they do for our people.

My heater stopped working that morning, so I knew I was going to the Chevy dealer as soon as we were done. I was hoping that whatever it was I could drive home. I drove home with little heat, good thing the seat heaters worked on the two-hour drive home. Then only my legs were cold.

The good news with my car is I got the information to the dealer and they can get it in right away. My car is a 2024, so whatever it is they will cover it under warranty.

It's a good thing that every week isn't as busy as this week was!

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First published by Mercury Press on medium.com