It’s crazy how one traumatic situation can haunt you. Even though everything is going fine, you still linger in the back of my mind. You haunt me, you secretly drive me insane. You make me feel like I will never be able to come over this trauma.
I am scared, I feel like my world will come crumbling down again, and I won’t be able to stop it. The constant fear, the constant worry, when will it end? Part of me blames myself. Could I have done something differently? Or did I just completely fail you.
These thoughts haunt me everyday, and I feel like there’s no way out. I am doing my best to stay positive and be positive, but I think I need help. It’s okay to seek help because these thoughts will be the end of me. I turn to the Bible to feel some sort of comfort. But I need more help, I need to talk to someone.
My mind has not been gentle on me lately, but I need to take back control. I just don’t know how to. The first stop is seeking the help. Hopefully I can learn to control my mind better than it controls me.
I’m sorry these thoughts haunt me, and I’m sorry about everything that happened it was not only traumatic for you but for me too. I don’t want to live my life in fear or be controlled by my own mind anymore. I need it all to stop for my own sanity.
The thought of just living in fear all the time seems so miserable, and it has been. I catch myself giving into my mind and making it worse and worse. Why does the mind do this to someone? Besides a traumatic event what else causes this to keep lingering? Will someone please tell me.
You see things that happen in movies and think that’ll never happen, but then it does. Then reality sets in and now your mind has completely changed into “ shit this is actually happening.” Your world crumbles and you have no control over it.
I think that’s why my mind is so focused on the negative thoughts. Because it’s something I cannot control. Not having that control makes it every scarier. I may not have that control that I want, but I can do my best to prevent something like that happening again.
About the Creator
Merjaunie Lena
Published Author— “ Thank you for showing me what I don’t need “ on Amazon.
I write to help myself heal
Keep reading
More stories from Merjaunie Lena and writers in Writers and other communities.
Bad mother?
As a mother we are always on mom mode 24/7. It never stops unless you actually put time aside during the day for yourself. Whether that be going to the gym which is what I do, or going out to eat with a friend, going for a hike. Just doing something that doesn’t involve taking your kids with you. Now what I learned is that it’s absolutely essential to make some time for yourself even if it’s for an hour or 2. That does not make you a bad mother! Creating this time for yourself helps keep you sane especially if you’re a stay at home mom and are inside all day. Don’t feel ashamed or feel bad for wanting some time for you. It’s okay to turn off mom mode for an hour or two and recollect yourself. Don’t let people’s opinions cloud your mind into thinking you’re a bad mother. You do what you have to do for yourself too. You have to make yourself happy too. I use to feel bad for asking my family to watch my baby so I can at least go to the gym. I felt bad to the point where I was so hesistant to ask, and didn’t go for a while. But in doing so I was becoming more irritated at home. Meaning I seemed like I was mad which was not the case. I didn’t have that time for myself to recollect and destress. It got to the point where my aunt asked me if I was okay, and I told her “ I’m just so bored being home”. So she suggested I go to the gym and she would watch my baby. What I learned from this is not to feel bad for putting yourself first sometimes. We all need some time for ourselves, it’s how we can recharge our battery. Make that time for you even if it is just a short amount of time. You will always be a mother first but before you became a mother you were just you. Still continue to do what make you happy, and what makes YOU.
By Merjaunie Lena2 months ago in Writers
The Modern Appeal of Upholstered Bed Frames: Where Comfort, Storage, and Design Meet
The bedroom has evolved from a purely functional space into a personal retreat — a place for rest, reflection, and everyday comfort. As modern homes become more space-conscious and design-focused, furniture choices play an increasingly important role in shaping how we live.
By Abbasi Publisher6 days ago in Writers
Miss Persephone's Manual to a Seemingly Ordinary Life
Miss Persephone was found at the dining table, her blue eyes swollen, her tears arriving and retreating like the tides of the ocean. Earlier that day, her family had visited her in the retirement home where she had lived for eight years. It was her eightieth birthday.
By Imola Tóth2 days ago in Fiction
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.