This Was My Best Fucking Piece (And It Still Lost)

My comment was removed Paul not sure why ?

I always thought everyone should learn martial arts since they are children. It helps a lot to shape the mindset around competition. Sometimes, winning has everything to do with us, sometimes it has nothing to do with us. ❤️ When you're good at something, you get used to it, so it hurts more when you don't win. It doesn't always mean you lost. And trust me, I can relate to what you wrote here. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say here. But as Angie wrote below, I find your name in most challenges, too. In my book, you're a true winner at this (if that matters).

I haven’t been on Vocal much lately but have noticed your name in pretty much in most of the challenge results for the past months. You’re dominating them. Great job!

Congratulations on this win, Paul. This is an honest account on how many writers feel about their work as well as others work.

'Writers aren’t made of metal and concrete — we’re made of blood and passion.' is so REAL!

Congratulations Paul. You will have to change the title now 😁😁

You got both a Top Story and a Leaderboard Placement for this. Guess it's not all that bad, huh. Cheer up, Sir Paul. Congratulations! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

Well, looky there, this one made the top of the Leaderboard! LOL I hear ya, pal. It's a matter of being 100% vested in what we write here.

I love your brutal and genuine honesty, Paul. Winning is not about the money or glory, but it absolutely is affirmation of being on the right path. (Then again, what would I know: I have never placed.) Judging a piece is completely subjective. It is, as you say, subject to the bias of the reader. Keep populating the world with your 'offspring', and continue cherishing them like a good father.

This is an interesting perspective. I got a lot of constructive criticism as a dancer growing up and a lot of abusive speech from family thrown my way, and saying anything about it was considered "acting up", or "causing a fight." I feel like it is good to be able to take real constructive criticism, but it is refreshing to hear someone say it is okay to be upset over not winning. Why would you try if you didn't want to win? 👍💖

Paul, I love that you call your writing your offspring. This highly resonated, and I thank you for that! I haven't been around lately. Healing from knee surgery has been foremost on my mind; however, this story has given me a kick in the pants to get back at it. I've been with Vocal since 2020, but it's only been this past year that I've begun racking up wins. It's not only motivating and delightful; it's addictive. I try not to hold any expectations, but yeah, it hurts when a piece I thought was sure to place does not. Then there have been times when I did place with an entry I didn't feel was strong enough. Sigh... Congratulations on your top story! You say what many of us often think.👏😊

I felt this so much. I’ve had a few Honourable Mentions and I’m grateful, but yep, that hunger to finally win never really goes away! At least you got Top Story for this! That's a win right?

I have definitely vented to my husband in the past about not winning, the winning pieces not being good, all my theories about the Vocal judging panel and criteria, etc., etc.. It's only helped me built a tough shell. That's a non-negotiable if I'm submitting work to be rejected and, rarely, accepted. Which, surprise, it has been. But the point is that it develops our editorial eye, which every writer needs. That being said, I am always in the land of imposter syndrome. With a few wins, I can attest that the high only lasts a short time. Then I immediately question whether my piece deserved it at all. I usually land on "no." Tbh, I don't feel that my best work has won. I know a few people here feel the same. Still not healthy, though, just like beating myself up for not winning is also very unhealthy. Negative thoughts...it's like they make you negative or something...😆. For me, mindset matters. A loss is an opportunity to re-evaluate my piece, rework it, get some outside editing advice, even, and try it somewhere else. A rejection isn't a wall; it's a mirror. Isn't it the definition of insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result? I think that can be applied to Vocal in two ways: One, we might be submitting to Vocal challenges in the same way each time; maybe we should try changing it up. (Do we submit our first draft every challenge? Do we write the first idea that pops into our head? Try the third draft. Try the tenth idea.) Two: We should submit our work repeatedly to more than one place, and we should always expect rejection. Getting writing published is about finding the right home for it, and we all know not every house is our home. I can't knock on thirty random doors, get turned away, and then be angry. Crux is this: We need to be a little insane, but not so much so that we one, fail to understand what this site is, and two, forget our work isn't meant to stay here. For me, that radically changed how much a loss here stung. Great piece, pal. I like when you discuss craft; it gets the juices flowing and people talking. Love it!

Man I love your naked honesty. I'm tired and hoped to write more, with perhaps something sage to help with the anger you feel with a loss, but I can't quite figure out why I don't get as angry when I take an L. I can say that part of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been writing on Vocal as long as you. My experience so far, has been wonderful, but I'm still on the honeymoon. I've only been writing here since August. To borrow your metaphor, I've birthed some pretty good stuff. But I've usually placed. I've only been slightly disappointed a couple of times, but when I read the winning pieces, I usually acknowledge that, yeah, that was amazing, and it seems to help. Now that I've started writing this, I feel like that the anger I used to feel whenever I'd take an L (in life, sports, whatever), has softened because I don't always use it as fuel. I haven't used anger as fuel in my writing here so far. I've used frustration to create a piece that was well received, although I didn't expect it to be well received. But I'm usually inspired by different muses. In my career, I've often been angered and it used to help me work harder, but in recent years, it just leads to a disconcerted, fragmented efforts, so that's probably another reason why I don't get as mad - it doesn't help me feel better. But I don't think you're necessarily looking for a way to stop getting angry. Frankly, if anger fuels you to have more of your beautiful poem babies, then hey, get angry. Your literary offspring are loved by many.

As other authors here have said, and as I've said before, the pieces that win here are at least as much about popularity contest as quality. I've seen plenty of things picked for Top Story or contest winners that just...aren't...good. It's your right to do what you please with your writing, but if not winning contests here bothers you, keep in mind that it's not due to a lack of quality on your part. You're a good writer.

You’re always a winner in my book Paul 🥇

I don't know what it says about me that there are times I genuinely shrug and go "Ah well." Maybe I can recognize when I'm not feeling as inspired during drafting. Not that I think the judges necessarily pick up on that and that's why it lost, but it's easier to accept because it wasn't *my* favorite piece of writing I've done either. Though, as you know, I feel the same emotions as strongly when one of the pieces I *do* feel strongly about doesn't get recognized. I also genuinely appreciate you pointing out a fact that often gets overlooked: the judges are people, and people are subjective. Sure, when it comes to fiction, there are some objective guidelines (grammar, dialog formatting, etc) or even adherence to the requirements to consider (word count, plot elements, etc). But, if you clear those hurdles, it does all come down to there's X hundred submissions and only X number of spots. Which stories leave enough of a lasting note to make the final cut comes down to each judge's own experience and lens through which they see the world.

I get this - I'm often unsurprised when I don't place or I don't place high, but every now and then I get a piece that I am so deeply proud of that I have that moment we all do as writers where I'm flabbergasted (and a little p*ssed off) that it didn't get the attention I was sure it deserved. Like you say - writers are human and if we weren't passionate about what we do it would probably affect our ability to write something that we're proud of.... so taking the L sucks. But at least we're not alone; like athletes, even great writers lose as often (r more often) than they win so we can all commiserate together!

I relate to this deeply. I've only recently started racking up honorable mentions and runner ups, but previously I was not a great winner of many things and have sort of stayed away from other competitions on the grounds of 'I'm not paying to feel bad'. Losing does suck, especially with the artistic endeavors where tiny little chunks of your soul are being judged. Ironically, at some point in the last year, I stopped seeing contests as contests and instead just lumped them into "writing exercises". It seemed to help my mindset on the whole thing. It's a real bummer that not placing is a part of the writing experience. I really like that you're expanding the conversation post-loss though since we don't often talk about it. I struggle with perceiving rejection correctly and am way over the top super sensitive to it but also have rejection sensitive dysphoria. That information has been really vital to my being more okay with not placing. Maybe it'll help you! All of this rambling to say, you're doing great. You're not alone in feeling this way. And maybe you won't feel this way forever! I definitely thought I'd feel miserable about not placing forever, but it's gotten better! Keep your chin up :) You're a fantastic writer and a very open one at that. That's a hell of a skill! (Oh and Congrats on Top Story!)

I’m grateful for the times I’ve won and the moments I’ve placed. I don’t expect to win every time. I haven’t had a Top Story in almost two months, but I’m okay with that. I write because I love writing. I do believe there is some bias in the judging, and like JBaz mentioned, the winners were good, but some did not even match the criteria, so it is hard to understand how they were chosen. Many of the challenges don’t make much sense to me either. Still, I keep writing, whether I win, place, or never make Top Story, because creating is what I love and what I’ll continue to do. As for you not winning, I see you in Top Stories often and regularly on the leaderboard. Do not be hard on yourself just because you didn’t win. Write because you love it, not because you are focused on winning.

It seems we are all in the same boat. It does sting/stink/suck, when we get passed by. I might get a top story, which is great, and then, can't even place in the contest...Aggravating for sure...and we would all be embarrassed if anyone saw how we responded in the privacy of our own. Anyway, then I remember how lucky I am - that a group of people (like those here, in your comments) who are overflowing with such incredible talent, and are the ones winning these challenges, also take the time read and comment with such incredible grace and kindness to my drabbles, that I shut up and write some more...hopefully with better insight because of that interaction. Don't get me wrong...I still want to win, I just need to admit that with each failure, my next entry will be better. I hope this makes sense

Well, including the self-published books, I've probably written about eighteen (tombakerbooks.weebly.com), and I have well over eight HUNDRED articles here alone. Nobody reads them, but I archive them here for collections later. It's very hard in the present age of social media and AI to stand out for any reason, and public taste is not only fickle, but also senseless and geared to the lowest common denominator. I can tell you: if you come offering them something they think will be an aid to them to GET MONEY or GET SEX, they will pay attention to you. Has to be something in it for them. But I work as a fortune teller, so perhaps I am a little bit cynical. ;-) Best to you!

Losing sucks $&@! Lol I’m glad you’re such an honest bloke about it being humble after a while makes one go mad lol

Interesting read

I know you're pretty hard on yourself when you don't win but I didn't know it was to this extent 😳😳 All I can say is, I'm so glad that I have never placed in any challenge before. That way, I don't feel bad at all when you write pieces like this. Like, my conscience is clear and I don't have any blood on my hands hehehe. I get over losses pretty easily. I just tell myself that it's not my fault if they have poor taste