The Value of "Paying it Forward"

I grew up in a Catholic family, so there were many traditions I was accustomed to at a very young age. So many of my family members taught me about the gift of giving, but for this post, I want to focus on two specific people: my Aunt Anne Marie and my uncle Dickie.

My aunt Anne Marie and Uncle Dickie both passed away several years ago of the same cancer. It devastated us. The mystery behind their diagnosis is that they both ended up with the same cancer, and we could never figure out how they had gotten it in the first place. My thinking is that they were just meant to be there, together in heaven, sooner than expected, as not long after my Uncle Dickie has passed, we were going to my aunt Anne Marie's funeral service.

But this story is not about their struggles in their last days, although there is story enough to tell there, like the signet ring that she gave me that I wear every day now that belonged to my aunt Anne Marie, and has her initials: "AMB"- Anne Marie Berlin, on it etched so beautifully in that classic cursive style. I remember how she in passing said that I would have to carry on the family name, the legacy of “Anne Marie”, as I like to call it.

There are so many memories I have of them, so many things I remember from my youth, about the way their house smelled; about the excitement of football game parties and the fourth of July celebrations; the soothing sound of the fishpond as I walked across the deck, passing by family members and friends at gatherings. I was young then, elementary school age. When I got a little older, it was exciting to be able to sleep over and hang out in the pool house. I can fondly remember my sister, brother and I going into the pool house and shooting pool; the sound of the blue chalk rubbing against the stick, the crackle of the balls as we hit them. The excitement of listening to the balls swirl around in a maze underneath the table and trying to figure out what side of the table they would end up on as they made their journey beneath. I remember sitting in the dining room on the floor and playing with the box of the many hand-me-down toys of my cousins when I was very little, always fascinated by the figurines and people, and the OG Star Wars figurines from the 80s that my siblings and I were obsessed with, or walking past the kitchen and seeing the cool collection of miniature items on these teeny tiny shelves on the wall that my aunt had collected over the years.

And let's not forget the time my Uncle Dickie accidentally lit the deck on fire one fourth of July... I wasn’t old enough to remember it, but all I know is nobody would let him forget that accident, because he lit the deck on fire AND my cousin Lizzie's hair!!! It's one of the funniest family stories, and he often laughed his butt off about it with us. He always had this sense of humor that I loved. The way he smiled and laughed and joked around about everything, and he never took anything too seriously. He truly enjoyed every moment of his life.

I don’t think I ever saw my uncle Dickie without a smile on his face. He used to mess with my brother, sister, and I by telling us this story about the “hide behinds”. Of course, he was trying to scare the living daylights out of us. The hide behinds were basically these scary creatures that were supposedly always watching you; always behind you. If one found you, it would basically come and eat you. You should have seen us at family get togethers, constantly turning around and around to look behind us even though nothing was there, and my uncle Dickie chuckling.

It wasn't until I was a fully grown adult that I discovered the "hide behinds" is an old Scottish urban legend, I believe. I think my sister and brother at least could see through the story, but I actually genuinely believed it for a while, and was legitimately freaked out about it, because I was the youngest and therefore the most impressionable. Thanks, Uncle Dickie. Hahaha.

But this isn’t really about that. What we were talking about was the gift of giving. I can say that my aunts and uncles, Anne Marie and Dickie included, are the people that taught me this important value, the value you of giving. They were very religious. I grew up in a Catholic family, so there were many traditions I was accustomed to at a very young age. I remember going to St. Benedicts Church in my hometown a lot when I was younger.

I always thought the church smelled funny, like this weird smell of incense and wood and cold floors. The wooden pews hurt my butt. Nothing compares to how much your knees hurt after kneeling for every prayer, though. I remember having to pull out those things behind the seats and kneel down during certain parts of the masses.

The most magnificent thing about that church was probably the giant mural on the walls behind the altar, where above the figures sunlighted glimmered in from the stained glass windows. I used to just stare up at the stained glass windows in awe. I remember asking my parents one time "Can I get stained glass windows in my room?" I just always thought they were so beautiful. My brother, on the other hand, apparently had a different interest everytime we went to church. He had to yell out "THUNDERCATS" in the middle of every mass (which made everyone chuckle) I wasn’t old enough to witness this, but apparently my brother thought the mural of Jesus, Mary, and the disciples up there were the Thundercats because of how they were painted. I could see how maybe they might have looked like the Thundercats. But anyway, my very religious Catholic family has always instilled in me a passion for faith and the gift of giving, and what I want to focus on here is giving.

So, let me tell you this story. It's something I have still remembered all these years...

Picture it: The year is 2000, and I am going over to my aunt and uncle’s house to spend the night. My siblings and I used to spend the night some weekends either to Anne Marie and Dickie’s or to my aunt Bettie and uncle Bobby’s house. My brother and sister weren't coming that night, but I was excited to be able to spend time with my aunt Anne Marie (we called her Big Anne Marie and me Little Anne Marie when we were at family functions) Tonight, Anne Marie had ordered us some takeout Chinese, which I rarely got to eat since my parents really aren’t big fans of Chinese food, so I was excited. It’s important that I also mention that Anne Marie is also my godmother, so a lot of the wisdom I learned about life comes from remembering the person that my aunt Anne Marie was.

After ordering the food and getting ready, my uncle Dickie comes home with a movie for us to watch while eating, called “Pay It Forward”. It sounded like an interesting movie. I was eleven years old at the time, and the movie was rated PG-13, so I kind of felt cool watching it.

One of my favorite quotes from Pay it Forward is when the boy says:

“Some people are too scared or something to think things can be different. The world’s not exactly….shit. I guess it’s hard for some people who are so used to things the way they are, even if they are bad, to change and they kinda give up and when they do, everybody loses.”

It’s a statement I look at now and think, wow, that is absolutely the truth. But what he really learns, in the end, is that he DID help people, his motivation and inspiration to do the right thing did change people, even if he didn’t realize it. The movie definitely made me cry at certain points, but what I will remember the most is the feeling I got after watching it.

After the movie, we discussed it a little bit and thought about the lesson that is learned from doing something like that. We don’t often think that certain things are a gift, or that we are giving anything to anyone, until they change, or until we see something that causes a change. We never really know who we are influencing, or who we are helping, and the most important thing is to just “Pay it Forward” anyway. My uncle believed in a lot of the supernatural things, the “miracles”, if you will, of the human consciousness. In that way, I have always looked to that same kind of optimistic spirituality as something beautiful and worth talking about. So that has always been a moment that has stuck with me throughout my life, and I will cherish that memory forever.

In life, you can only hope that you do end up “pay it forward” to the ones that come after you, your children, your children’s children, etc. by imparting the greatest knowledge and wisdom that you have. People don't always see these actions, some never know they happened, but those that do, they know what it truly means to "pay it forward", because paying it forward is only about one simple thing: extending love and kindness to someone else, without a motive, or a plan, or anything. Just out of the kindness of your heart. That is how we should ALL be living today. The world is a much better place when we actually care.

So, how did my aunt and uncle “pay it forward” to me? To know that you should always help out a friend in need, always be there for that person, always know that there is some bigger force out there, bigger than us all, that has blessed us with the gift of life and the gift of giving. You have hands for a reason, and that reason is to put it towards doing something great. Now, I impart that knowedge onto you as a small act of "paying it forward". So remember today that you are loved, appreciated, and even the smallest and most simple gift of help, time, or attention for someone else could change the world. Let's continue to pay it forward in 2025.