The Storm After The Calm

I've looked at my work screen for a few good seconds now and I've uttered nonsenses such as, [inaudible sighing], [inaudible cursing], "I'm tired". Is this all there is to life? If life is such a beautiful word, it often doesn't feel quite like it. In fact, fear implicitly derives from it. Fear of losing your only income, fear of not having enough to survive. Are we made to live and adhere to sets of routines? Get up, eat, work, sleep - repeat. Time doesn't slow down for us but booking that one or two weeks of holiday sure does make an impactful difference. These complicated conundrums of working hard, drained by responsibilities of staying alive is all merely a method of survival than living. Allow me to share insights of two weeks of what life should supposedly be (in my opinion, that is).

Flying to Italy and taking the cruise down to Lago di Como a sudden rush of excited uncertainty showered me. But this is different from that type of excitement you get when you're about to land a new job, advance a career or recieve a promotion. This felt liberating and completely in my control. Here freedom resides and endless adventures to explore. It is unlimited. It is healing. There is no pressure to finish tasks during the day or week, or coworkers doing small talk, emails and its endless pings. Here there are wonderful conversations with different people of different backgrounds, instead of email notifications there are the wild chirpings of the birds when the sun rises in the morning, fresh waves from the lake beautifully merging with the sound of nature. It sounds busy - but fulfilling than draining. Where I worked remotely in my small city flat, the sun barely touches my skin. Consumed by the dark, gloomy weather of London, I have become susceptibly exposed to misery. Caged by a nine to five schedule, five days a week is incomparable to the unshackled hours I have had in Italy. Days were slower, nights seem calmer and the sun towered the most frozen and icy parts of my soul.

Yet why do we still do it? Why, after two weeks of liberating joy and healing, do we still end up opening the wounds that we've healed during the vacation? Why do we anticipate the storm after nestling in the calm? I do wonder what it would be like if it was the other way around - taking a two week break to work just to fulfill something and make use of my time, once that's done, I'll return to the lake and do NOTHING. Just doing absolutely nothing for a few more months. Perhaps, a snippet of living would suffice. It is survival we are here for.