she was a bit scared, a bit excited, and stressed already for her career, even if she knew she would do her best. It was the time when her birthday was near, and like every year she expected a bit, this time too. Though this time was different from every other time, this time she wanted to spend it with a person. A person whom she expected to not ever leave her, unlike everyone. now to come to think of it, maybe it was not everyone else who left her, maybe it was her who used to leave all of them. Maybe her mom was right after all. See the word "maybe" a lot of times, it's because she is never sure, she always doubts everything and everyone because of her past. She doesn't gain trust so easily but once she does, she never breaks it because she doesn't even know how to break trust. Maybe not breaking trust means, not betraying the other person for someone else or maybe following the rule given by a certain person, or maybe listening and obeying and keeping up promises. If THAT was meant by keeping up the trust, then I'm sure she would keep it unbroken. It was her past and her family that made her so hard by nature you can say, she pretends she's hard and cold but yet she ain't able to do it for a long period of time, because it's just not her. Her soul is so sweet, but no one yet found that out. As it's rightly said it's not the fear of the upcoming future, of how it'll be, it's the fear of Repeating the same thing you used to do in your past. She used to get flashbacks of everything, the things she didn't even wanna remember used to replay in her mind almost every day, yet she still does. she also used to overthink a lot, which caused her to question herself, what if I failed? what if I'm wrong? what if I'm right? what if they got hurt? what if they didn't like it? these what-ifs killed her the most. yet she used to wake up every day with a smile on her smile and hope for at least a better day than yesterday.
there was a time when she used to argue, she used to talk back a lot, and she used to fight whenever she was not wrong, sometimes even when she was wrong but didn't know that she was. She used to fight to play, or for having friends, or for talking to them, or for celebrating birthdays, or for going to a friend's house, for literally everything. she used to cry almost every day just because she couldn't focus on her studies because of her family. She was proven wrong at times when she was absolutely correct.
stay tuned for what all this made her in the future posts.

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