The Crossroads Of Should And Must

Introduction

Life presents us with countless decisions - choices that range from daily routines to life-altering moves. But among these decisions, there's a key difference between the things we feel we should do and the things we feel we must do. This "crossroad of should and must" is where we face the tension between external expectations and our inner calling. Many of us stand at this crossroad more often than we realize, wondering if we're living the life we truly want or merely following a path that feels familiar and safe.

In this article, we'll explore what it means to choose between "should" and "must," how these choices shape our lives, and ways to approach this crossroads with clarity, courage, and intention.

What Does "Should" Mean in Our Lives?

"Should" represents external obligations, the rules, expectations, and pressures imposed by society, family, friends, or even ourselves. It's the inner voice that tells us what's "right," safe, or expected of us. Here are some common examples:

. "I should go to college because it's the traditional path to success."

. "I should work in a stable job, even if it's not fulfilling, because it's secure."

. "I should act a certain way to fit in or be accepted by others."

At first glance, "should" might seem safe or sensible, and sometimes it is. These are choices often rooted in practicality, social acceptance, and established norms. But "should" can also become limiting, holding us back from exploring our true desires.

When "Should" Feels Like a Comfort Zone

Many times, "should" aligns with the comfort zone. It's where we feel safe, where we can follow established paths without taking on too much risk. When we stick to what we should do, life might feel predictable, and that predictability offers a sense of control. But staying in this comfort zone can also mean settling, avoiding the unknown, and missing out on the growth that comes with pursuing our passions.

The Hidden Cost of Living by "Should"

When we live by "should" alone, we risk overlooking our deepest desires. Over time, this choice can create feelings of discontent, unfulfillment, or even regret. Following "should" means that we often make decisions to please others or to fit into societal standards, rather than listening to what truly resonates with us.

What Is the Meaning of "Must"?

"Must" is a call to action from within. It's the voice that represents our innermost desires, passions, and purpose. "Must" reflects the things we're drawn to because they align with who we truly are, even if these choices aren't always logical or practical. Examples of "must" statements might include:

. "I must pursue art because it's what makes me feel alive."

. "I must travel because exploring new cultures brings me joy and fulfillment."

. "I must take time for myself to prioritize my health and mental well-being."

Choosing "must" can be intimidating because it often requires us to move away from what's safe or conventional. It asks us to take risks, face uncertainty, and trust in our ability to create a life that resonates deeply with our values and passions.

How "Must" Fuels Personal Growth

Choosing "must" is a leap toward self-discovery and growth. When we embrace our true passions and pursue what we deeply desire, we're more likely to experience joy, fulfillment, and a strong sense of purpose. Following "must" is how we create a life that feels authentic and meaningful, even if it means stepping outside our comfort zone.

The Fear Factor: Why We Avoid "Must"

One of the main reasons people avoid "must" is fear. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of instability - all these fears can keep us rooted in "should." Choosing "must" often requires sacrifice, vulnerability, and a willingness to let go of what others might think. But for many, overcoming these fears is essential to living a life that feels true.

The Impact of Choosing "Should" vs. "Must"

The choices we make between "should" and "must" shape our lives, but they also shape how we see ourselves and the world around us. Here's a look at how these decisions impact different aspects of life:

1. Career Paths

Many people choose careers based on "should" rather than "must." We pick jobs that seem safe, practical, or prestigious because we think we "should" follow the path to financial stability or social acceptance. But when people embrace their "must" in their careers - whether that means starting a business, pursuing the arts, or following a passion for travel - they often find greater satisfaction and purpose in their work.

2. Personal Relationships

In relationships, "should" often translates into staying in comfort zones or following societal expectations. We may choose partners or friendships based on what we think is expected, rather than what genuinely fulfills us. Choosing "must" in relationships means seeking connections that align with our values, nurture our growth, and reflect who we truly are.

3. Self-Expression and Creativity

Creativity flourishes when we follow our "must." Choosing "should" may lead us to suppress our unique ideas or hesitate to explore new avenues. Embracing "must" gives us the freedom to express ourselves fully and to develop our unique gifts without fear of judgment or criticism.

Why Standing at the Crossroads Can Be So Challenging

When we find ourselves at the crossroads of "should" and "must," the decision isn't always easy. Many people experience self-doubt, worry, and a lack of clarity, feeling torn between what's practical and what's possible. Here are a few reasons why this choice can be so challenging:

1. Social Conditioning

From a young age, we're taught certain beliefs about success, happiness, and how to live. These societal standards shape our idea of what we "should" do, making it difficult to listen to our own voice amid others' expectations.

2. Financial Security Concerns

Pursuing "must" can sometimes come with financial risks. Starting a new business or moving away from a stable job can be daunting, especially when stability and security are important. Finding a way to balance financial responsibility with personal fulfillment is part of the challenge.

3. Fear of Judgment or Failure

Choosing "must" often involves going against the grain, which can attract judgment from others or even bring about fear of failure. This fear keeps many people in their "should" mindset, as it feels safer than venturing into uncharted territory.

How to Embrace Your "Must"

Choosing "must" doesn't mean abandoning responsibilities or ignoring practicality. It's about aligning your life with what genuinely matters to you. Here's how to start:

1. Reflect on Your True Passions

Take time to reflect on what truly lights you up. What activities make you feel alive, fulfilled, or energized? Identify these passions and explore how you can incorporate them into your life, whether through a career, hobbies, or personal projects.

2. Set Small Goals to Pursue "Must"

You don't have to overhaul your life overnight. Start by setting small, achievable goals that align with your "must." These can be small steps, like dedicating time to a passion project or pursuing a course in something you love. Gradually, you can integrate your "must" more fully into your life.

3. Embrace the Uncertainty

Following "must" often involves stepping into the unknown. Embrace the uncertainty, and remember that growth and fulfillment come from exploring new horizons. Trust that even if you don't have all the answers, you're on the right path by following what resonates with you.

4. Seek Support from Like-Minded People

Surround yourself with people who understand and support your journey. Finding a community of like-minded individuals can help you stay encouraged, motivated, and open to new ideas.

Striking a Balance Between Should and Must

The crossroads of "should" and "must" isn't an all-or-nothing choice. Many people find that a balanced approach works best, where they fulfill responsibilities and meet external expectations while making time for their passions. Here's how you can strike that balance:

1. Integrate "Must" into Your "Should" Life

Find ways to incorporate your "must" into your existing life, without making drastic changes. For instance, if you're passionate about painting but work a 9–5 job, set aside time on weekends or evenings to create. Small adjustments can go a long way in helping you live a life that honors both responsibilities and passions.

2. Reframe Your Shoulds

Ask yourself if there are ways to make your "should" more fulfilling. Can you change your perspective on certain responsibilities, or bring a personal touch to your work? Sometimes, reframing your obligations helps you see them in a new light, making them more aligned with your values.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Experiment

The journey between "should" and "must" isn't always clear-cut. Give yourself the freedom to experiment and to make choices that reflect where you are in life. You don't have to commit fully to one path or the other; instead, you can allow yourself to navigate both.

Conclusion: Choosing the Path that Resonates with You

Standing at the crossroads of "should" and "must" is a powerful moment of self-reflection and choice. By understanding the difference between the two and taking small steps toward your "must," you can create a life that's fulfilling, true to yourself, and balanced. Remember, it's not about discarding your responsibilities; it's about honoring your unique path and finding ways to bring your passions into every part of your life.

FAQs

Can "should" and "must" ever align?

Yes, sometimes what you feel you "should" do and what you feel you "must" do can align. This alignment often happens when your responsibilities and passions intersect.

How can I identify my "must"?

Reflect on activities that bring you joy, fulfillment, and energy. Often, your "must" is tied to your core values and passions.

What if pursuing my "must" isn't financially stable?

Try to pursue your "must" in small ways, like through side projects or hobbies, while balancing financial needs. This approach allows you to work toward your passion without giving up stability.

How do I overcome the fear of choosing "must"?

Take small, manageable steps toward your "must," and surround yourself with supportive people. Gradually, as you build confidence, the fear will lessen.

Is it selfish to choose "must" over "should"?

No, choosing "must" is a way of honoring yourself and your unique purpose. By pursuing what makes you feel alive, you often contribute more positively to those around you.