The Book of Questions

Gregory Stock’s The Book of Questions prompts — If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

In what ways will you treat (or have you treated) your children differently from the way you were treated? If you’ve already raised children and could do it again, knowing what you know now, what would you do differently?

Because of how I was raised, it makes the person I am. Would I change that? Perhaps lessen the abuse of racism and sexual abuse, as that has taken me the longest to work through.

If I could have changed something, it might have been listening closely to the stories I was told about family and culture. And it may have been having religious freedom at a younger age.

How I treated my children differently — by breaking the alcoholic family rules when my children were growing up. Those rules are: Do not trust. Do not feel, and Do not talk/ask questions. That has helped.

I’m not sure what I would have done differently if I could do it all over again. I have loving, caring, hardworking children, who are great parents/ partners/ grandparents — my adult children. I am super proud of who they are as grown human beings.

Gregory Stock’s The Book of Questions prompts — You are at a lake with some friends; the sun is warm and the water is cold. Going into the water will temporarily chill you, but you know that later the warm sun will be even more enjoyable, and you will be glad you went in. Would you take the plunge?

I truly would hesitate

Don't get me wrong, I don’t hate

the water, rather, I dislike

the cramping in my feet

with cold water dips are like

torture and that heat

doesn’t get rid of the pain

or rid me of this strain!

I may or may not take the plunge. I haven’t been in since it happened the first time several years ago. It is probably time to give it another try.

Gregory Stock’s The Book of Questions prompts — Do you believe in any sort of God? If not, do you think you might still pray if you were in a life-threatening situation?

Growing up, my mother sent me and my siblings to Catholic school. Somehow, she had the message that we would get a better education there. That may have been the truth.

When I had children, I followed her lead by sending my children to Catholic school for the first several grades. Two of my sons attended private school when in middle school and high school. There were several differences there, and I do not regret sending them.

My baby was born in 1978, and that is the year Native American people in this country were given religious freedom. Previous to this, I was aware of some of our Native American ways being underground. And I had only smudged with hippies before this time.

Growing up, I saw my mother burn sage when there was a storm, along with palm leaves. We had many Christian relatives in our family, including fundamental Christian clergy. My one uncle got sober through the church. Another uncle, who was adopted by his aunt after his mother died, became a minister in his church.

Then, still others were Midewewin. In 1978, I started to attend the Full Moon ceremony for women. Then later, the sweat lodge and other ceremonies. I supported my sister through Mide when she was sick with cancer. She thought I should be next. I told her that because of my recovery, I thought I already had some of what I was learning about from Mide.

Our people have options now. Options that I didn’t have when I first got into recovery. The recovery I was introduced to gave me the ability to choose a Higher Power of my understanding, and that has worked for me where formal religion has not. I also use my culture, and together it makes a good recovery program for me.

I think I have always believed in Giizheymanido (Kind and loving spirit). Creator God. Although I would ask for proof. I got the proof when I asked. I still asked. For several years, my only prayer was fox-hole prayer that went like this — God, get me out of this one and I will do anything you ask.

Then that would be it until the next time. This prayer is how I got into recovery and have stayed in recovery. Recovery is no alcohol or drugs for 44 years, soon to be 45 years, and soon to be 47 years in a family recovery program.

I have used the Serenity Prayer to help me stay in today. Before this, I was always in the past and future and never in today. There are other structured prayers I use, and some I do not. While people say them, I am giving my gratitude list as I need to be grateful for all I have been given.

Today, I pray every day, most days with the sunrise, and throughout the day.