She's An Imposter!

Gosh. It's been a while, hasn't it? I know I said the next article would on be the dead internet theory but don't worry, it's still in the drafts. However, I've been going through,well... let's call it - a creative crisis.

I've been a budding writer since I was six years old. I handmade my own books. I would fold cheap pieces of A4 in half. Punch holes in the middle, then thread a ribbon though to create a spine. Craft a book cover and write a bulb. For the pages, I would draw straight lines in pencil with a ruler. Write in pencil, then go over in pen to ensure there were NO mistakes.

It was a process, one of which I had the patience for. Why did I stop? Who knows? Maybe because of technology. I flooded my dad's hard drive with stories that I started and forgot to finish. One of them was just phases of the moon over the course of two months.

I swear I tried to write a story from the Sanderson Sisters' perspective. I was a big fan of Hocus Pocus as a kid, Wizard of Oz and, um... Shrek. Safe to say I've always had an interest in the dark and unorthodox.

I was doing what AI doing now, back in 2004. Causally ripping-off stories that had been re-told and re-made over and over. Hoping no-one noticed.

How did Tolkien do that? How did Maya Angelou? Even Sun Tu!

And they wrote it by hand. I struggle with all the means and I still cannot conjure up the words that my mind is attempting to string together.

Maybe I'm just not good enough. Perhaps I've been wasting my time. I should just quit and pack it all in. My voice isn't as strong. My characters aren't as solid. My narrative isn't flawless. I'm not like the greats or even close.

This isn't writer's block, no. It can't be because what fresh hell is this mess, then? No, this is something worse. What is this? I don't know. Incoherent ramblings from an imposter.

I'm an imposter. She's an imposter. Maybe we all are.

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