My Rib

Life can seem like a joke.

People dying, constantly crying about a young one possibly dying from dumb shit and feeling like I’ll choke.

My kid, my son , my best friend causes me to feel weak and have sleepless nights.

I drink…

Can’t smoke to ease my mind so I take a sip to ease the tightness in my chest and so I can rest and think less of him possibly breaking free.

Free from this world, he knows how much he’s adored, but doesn’t stop the fact that he chooses fucked up friends for a better world.

He smokes…

He feels what I feel from my depression past, I promised him the shit will pass but at the end I’ll be a hypocrite because It will last.

I’d be lying.

I’d be telling my love of my complete being that shit was easy.

I made it out of a hole but I still cry and struggle…

I still say that I’m not shit, even though I do the most…but I know my purpose is to let another know that life is worth pushing for.

I gave up…

Multiple times…

To see the light and the souls of the love ones that never gave up on me.

I died….

But came back knowing that that kid…that love needed guidance.

Real guidance.

I have bad dreams of my child dying young.

Waking up crying and seeing where he’s lying or if I’m too late.

Then I get a text.

“ Hey mom”, “Hey mommy”, “Hey mother”.

Then I’m not irate.

My child, my child, my child…

This world will break you into pieces you’re not ready for yet.

Stay with me and not drown yet…

Don’t drown on my son.

*boom*

Future will tell if he can manage that shot and my life goes down…

hill.