Life of a Teenage Girl

Life was always so full of fun.

Fun and joy and laughter.

Everything was so beautiful, full of life.

Life had no 'bad' - except for the nightly bed times at night or the early mornings where I was awake before my parents.

I regret taking these times for granted and I wish I could go back in time - even if for a moment. When life was fun.

I wish it was still that I would not care what I wore, how I looked, how I behaved - not pressured by societies' ideals and expectations of me - expectations of who and what I SHOULD be.

I miss the parties where I would stuff myself full. Who cared how much I eat because the food is just 'yummy'. And why should I care about how much the other girls eat?

Where the mirror held daily dress up parties is now a dreaded yet still daily party. Just not the good kind. Mirrors brought fun and smiles, but now the only reflection I see is one that I wish would be traded for another.

Did I always compare myself to other girls?

All the other girls used to have toys and bracelets that I would desperately want. "How else am I going to play with them?"

Now all I want is to have the bodies of the girls I see online - see everywhere nowadays. Is something wrong with me?

"The girls that look like that are only 1 percent of the world"

Then why am I surrounded by them everywhere I look?

I used to feel like a cool kid when I ate more than the boys. When did that change? Now I have to watch what I eat, when I eat and where I eat.

Why am I bloated today?

"Why do you eat so much?"

I eat a lot? Okay, let me cut back on my eating.

"Oh look she's trying to lose weight."

I miss the playgrounds where we laughed till we couldn't breathe - when we cried because we scraped our knee or someone was 'stealing' our best friend.

Crying is now a common occurrence for much different reasons.

I wish it was still when not everything was a beauty contest.

When did it matter so much how I looked when I went to the mall?

When did it become so that your first impression of people came from their level of beauty, and when was I labeled as a number out of ten?

I wish it was still that friends came as easy as it was to bump into them and the scariest thing of the day was the bell at the end of recess.

Now I am a 'loner' and 'unpopular'. If I'm not friends with that ONE person.

I am an outsider.

Since when did society expect perfection out of us but God forbid we try because then we're 'looking for it' or 'trying' to get boys attention.

You can't be too loud, but if you're too quiet you're looking for attention. Always look good but if you try too hard you're 'asking for it'.

I wish it was still like when I felt good in those polka dot tights and yellow hat. I miss being loud and fun and happy.

When did it change?

When did people think that everything a girl did was for a boy?

Why did it change?

Why do I now feel so much pressure to be perfect? To BE liked by everyone.

Can I go back to being happy? To when the smiles in my pictures were genuine?

I wish it was still