Keep On Keeping On

Every year for the past four, I have waited for the clock to strike twelve, and hoped for a better year.

Each year since, I have felt personal and global disappointment.

I seem to survive each year, ready to tackle the next year as if it were a new frontier, but perhaps with less energy. I guess that is what happens as you get older.

Four years ago, I semi-retired, and things have not been the same since then. I have written about some of this previously: “Learning to Love Myself First and Foremost.” A cancer diagnosis, my dog's death, a long illness in my family, my father's death, and relationship troubles took their toll early on.

Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining. Many, many more people that are far worse off than me. I have taken these things in my stride. You must accept some things, no matter how hard they are. You cannot change them. I have done a lot of soul-searching this year, which is probably another symptom of getting older. You start to realize that the best years are behind you. You spend more time at doctors' offices than at parties or other fun events.

In a recent story, "Let's say a Better Bye to 2024," Maryam Batool asked if we survived or lived this year.

• Is there anyone still in pain because of me?

There probably is, but it would only be because I was unaware of it.

• Is there anyone I helped during their worst time this year?

Absolutely. I have constantly been there for my partner as she tries to get her (‘new’) life sorted out. It has been difficult as she tries to recapture her confidence and self-awareness. I could have given up and left her to it. But, (i) that is not my nature, and (ii) she did not ask for this.

• Is there anything I can still fix but haven’t yet?

A big yes! My life. I am working on it (see Learning to Love Myself First and Foremost), and I am making progress. I have to check myself repeatedly, though, because it is easy to give up and say, “What is the point?”

And lastly, ask your heart:

• Am I a bucking idiot?

Absolutely, but hey, that is just me!

I think we survived this year because our societal problems are not diminishing. They are the issues of a society that simply won't go away. Look around the world.

We are still fighting wars. They stem from politicians' egos and their access to dangerous weapons.

Poverty is rising. Meanwhile, the wealthy are so rich they don't know what to do with their fortunes.

We continue to harm the environment and ignore the warning signs. It is always someone else's problem to fix.

We still have senseless acts of violence that destroy families.

Sadly, as 2025 dawns, little will have improved in the last year, and, little will change for the better in the New Year.

As you age, you become more concerned about how the world functions. Maybe it stems from the realization that the bulk of your life is no longer ahead of you. Perhaps it is because you lose that gung-ho attitude of “not my problem” that seems to reign for many younger ones.

I am sure this year, I will sit up again and wait for that clock to tick over. This year, I will focus my New Year's resolution on fixing what I can and trying to live life rather than survive it. I will try not to stress about what I cannot change because it does me no good.

Let’s see how I do.

Till next time,

Calvin