Judgement

What happens when it gets real.... the moment when you download the manuscript, you upload the cover and you spend countless of days thinking is this the road I will walk down? is this really happening will I do it?

You feel yes I can do it, I have set the story gone over it inside out, built the characters you even seen them when reading your manuscript to yourself creating somthing that came from within, somthing of magic, of inspiration , of hope it will do well I do bealive in my work even with dyslexia, I will not use AI I can do this and I will make the magic be seen even if it costs me my ability to hide my learning disability I can do this so you do it.

You press the download button, you confirm every last bit of your details, you see a spelling mistake just one they have confirmed it is just one on online publishing, you think it's okay I have mention as an Author and writer I to have dyslexia and you can do it, you can do anything if you simply bealive in yourself, you put that in....

You wait ...

You wait...

Your childrens book you have worked so hard on, visualised on is being reviewed......

You wait....

and you check and keep checking .... checking to the pointe you need to focus on somthing else in the late evening so you do your horror stuff and you write and you build on the character work and you see them, feel them, experiencing the scene every scene you are driven with the writing and you do it...

Then you keep looking at the process...

keep looking, keep thinking should I have left that one simply spelling mistake in there to show that writers with dyslexia can do it... should I have left it in.

Three days later it's live, your children's book is life you have no thoughts but is this real they liked it?

You doubt yourself for a moment then you are full with happiness and gratitude with another idea and you start writing your second children's book .... your on a journey you see them and feel them....

Wait I need to promote my first children's book so you do every person you know until... social media everything... it's a hard job self publishing you think every element falls on you.

Yes untill you get judge for your spelling error, you feel so unworthy in your work because of three comments from three people... it sticks with you they say nothing about the story, the characters what they have learnt from it oh no just minor spelling remarks and you think why? why did I leave that one spelling remark as it was why? because it was my first small book not even in physical form a test run really cheap with a good story.

You see five must read remarks on your book from 3 people but it is not enough because of the comments of those three people made....

feeling like you have failed but the question remains have you failed or are you just evolving .........