It's Gonna Be Okay

When my first husband, Paul, passed away in 2016, I wasn't prepared for how heartbreaking it would be. We had been together for 30 years, married for almost 29. He had a sudden, unexpected heart attack in his sleep.

I wasn't sleeping well. My house was a mess. My dog, Pokey, started having seizures and passed away a week after Paul.

With our grown daughters out of the house, I was suddenly alone.

I wasn't sure if anything was ever going to make sense ever again. Grief is difficult that way. You never know when it's going to hit you. You can seem fine on the surface, and then some little thing reminds you, "Oh, yeah, that happened." Time helps. Music helps for some people too. As a music educator, that is certainly true for me.

I must have listened to this song, "It's Gonna be Okay," hundreds of times. The song is written by Cliff Richards, but I particularly enjoy The Piano Guys cover. I love The Piano Guys. Also, Jon Schmidt, the man at the piano had a daughter who passed away after getting lost hiking in Oregon. If anyone can relate to a loss, it's him.

These words gave me hope. "No matter what you've been through, here you are. No matter if you think you're falling apart, it's gonna be okay." Was it "gonna be okay?" I wanted it to be, but at that point, I wasn't certain.

After a couple of weeks, I decided it was time to get on with things, to make things okay. I picked myself up and chose to move forward. I painted walls in my home. I donated a bunch of Paul's things to a thrift store. I stayed busy with work. I took care of myself. I walked a lot. Slowly, I started to believe those lyrics.

Two years later, I met Ted. We hit it off right away and got married later that year.

Now, I'm sitting here writing this with tears streaming down my face. Ted passed away in August of 2024. My father passed away 10 days later. This song has meaning for me once again.

Like the first time I was widowed, it will take time. I knew I needed to keep busy. It's why I rejoined Vocal after a three-year hiatus.

Once again, I found myself painting walls. The drab, light gray blue that I never cared for when we moved to our house became a cheerful yellow. This time, I also made a piece of artwork to hang in Ted's memory. He enjoyed music very much. I also included a nod to Paul, who taught a Japanese style of martial arts, Nin Sho Ryu. So, I included the circle from the Japanese flag in the lower left.

I chose to move forward. I donated a bunch of Ted's things to a thrift store. I stayed busy with work. I took care of myself. I walked a lot. I haven't missed a day without getting 15,000 steps so far, even when I had major surgery in January.

Is everything "gonna be okay" again? Time will tell. I have a great family. I have very supportive neighbors to lean on. We have a weekly happy hour in the street. One neighbor is also a widow. We sometimes talk about our respective husbands. It's a way to honor them and feel better.

If I had to guess, I'd say, yes, it's gonna be okay.

This is me reading this piece. The emotions speak as loudly as the words.

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This piece was inspired by an unofficial challenge by Annie Kapur, called, "Sing Us the Song of the Century." The details are in this link: