Is There Anyone You Hate?

Anne Bernays and Pamela Painter — What If? Writing Exercise for Fiction Writers prompts

The Exercise — Week one - write a scene that brings to fictional life someone you hate. Make the reader hate her. It might be someone who annoys you-- someone whose manner you can't stand, whose voice grates on you. Or it might be someone who has offended you or done you some harm, or someone to whom you have done some harm - there are many reasons to hate people. If you have the courage, take on someone who is evil on the grand scale. It can be someone you know, someone you know about, or best of all, invent a real nasty.

The Objective: Story and only story is the peaceable kingdom where you and I and the next fellow can lie down on the same page with one another, not by wiping our differences out, but by creating our differences on the page. Only on the page of a story can I look out of your and my and the other fellow's eyes all at the same time.

The story: Joan called me in tears. "It's just not fair that we, as grandparents, have not been able to see our grandchild, who is 4 weeks old. I hate her illness. She is mad at her dad for being a republican and she is upset with me for suggesting she give someone grace until she knows the whole story."

"Then she blasts all over social media what a good mother she is, and how hard she works, and how she never gets any help. She has her kids every other week, as they are with their other parent on the other weeks. She is in school, and you would think she is the only one ever to experience children and school."

"When we talk, sometimes for hours, it is all about her. She never once asks about what we are doing or about what we may be struggling with. She just assumes I am at her beck and call, and I have pretty much done that. As a teen, it was so scary when she would be in her illness and attempt suicide."

"Now she is a lot older, but still sounds suicidal at times. She was on dialysis for a while because of her prior attempt. Every single time I address something that I don't agree with, she explodes. She kicked me out of the hospital when she was having her second child because I stopped her from her rant to a nurse."

"Right now, she is off and on with the baby's dad. I imagine it is the hormones mixed with her mental illness. He appears to be a good dad with his teen sons. She sounds incredibly jealous. Untrusting."

"I feel sorry for her children, as they would get a break from her when with us, and so sad all of the time right now, as we can't see them or help them. At first, I thought it was nice to have a break from her, but then for her to keep the kids from us is cruel."

"They are good kids, and they put up with a lot from her." If you don't know her, you would want to give her a badge for Mother of the Year. Knowing her, you may want to stay away from her as she is just not nice!"

To Joan: How I can help is by saying you may be expecting healthy behavior from someone who isn't healthy, sane behavior from someone who isn't sane right now. Between hormones being all out of sorts and her mental illness, she is not herself just yet.

It sounds like you may want to get some support for yourself during this time. I am here to listen, but I've learned I really can't help family other than by listening. I recommend good self-care. You have a full, busy life with children at home who still need you. Take care of yourself!

If I get a chance to say something to her, I will, but then we may be in the same situation as you are right now. She and I have had our difficulties as well. I refuse to buy into her illness or insanity, and I will say something. But you know it is usually all about her with no time to listen to me, either.

I can clearly say today that I love her so much and don't like her very much at all! I love her children and hope to stay in touch with them over the holidays, even if it is with their other parent.

~~~~

Author's note: It feels like love and hate at the same time sometimes. I work at a mental health crisis shelter very, very part-time. I understand mental illness, but I don't always like what can and does happen with the illness. I feel some days I have way more patience with someone who isn't related and has an active bipolar diagnosis than I do with a granddaughter with the same condition.

In working with alcoholism, I learned the same thing. Family, I should not try to work with their alcoholism, and it is the same with mental illness. I get to just love them, and sometimes hate their behavior.