If 167 Million People Read This Article, Vocal Will Make Me a Millionaire

Allow me to explain: I like money. I like writing. I like making money from writing. My dream in life is to make so much money from one very meaningful work of fiction or theatre that I never have to work again, that royalties allow me to rent a modest apartment, and I can pursue my dreams of taking walks and making soups and collecting the things my little goblin-brain loves to collect. Unfortunately, I have realized that in today’s economy, it takes significantly more than one singular week-long burst of genius to get to this point, and as such, it is a marathon and not a sprint. Sad. I actually have to work to attain my dream.

In previous iterations of this project, I have broken down the numbers. If one read nets me a little more than a shiny halfpenny, then by that logic, one hundred and sixty-seven million reads will net me a little more than one hundred and sixty-seven million shiny halfpennies. This calculates to around $1.002 million, meaning that the threshold for millionaire status is, indeed, a little less than a hundred and sixty-seven million reads on a complete Vocal bibliography. That’s the math, I think. I am never entirely sure. My degree was in Creative Writing, not the whole numbers thing.

In any case, what I have learned in the previous iterations, as I said before, is that I simply cannot just post this story and wait for the views to rack up. This is a self-centered project that only serves to benefit me. Why would I expect half the population of the United States to come together and make me a millionaire? That’s crazy. I am crazy. Why should I have so much faith in the value of one article that I deserve so much attention? It’s a fool’s errand, my friends, and a crash course in narcissism. No, rather, the way that I must make money off of writing is, to my everlasting shock, to write. I cannot simply invest 30 minutes writing 600 words about how I deserve a million dollars of attention from the internet. I have to constantly represent myself, and I also have to feed back into the community. Vocal is made by people who read each other’s work in the development of a mutually beneficial community.

However, I cannot just rely on Vocal members. There are a million of us, and that means that each member will have to read this article 167 times. I don’t even think 10,000 of you guys are active. That’s a lot of work to put on not a lot of you. So, naturally, I have to mobilize my own social media presence. Naturally, I have to write things—a lot of things, not just a couple of things—that have a sense of virality and relevance. I have recently made a new Instagram account where I can track my career as a writer. I hope to post updates there and here.

The challenge is impossible. Every single read is 0.000000599% of the final goal. Even if I get that nifty-kean Vocal Top Story bonus, that’s 0.000499401% of the total goal. After looking at the base numbers, it all may feel insurmountable, and perhaps it is, but I would like to remind you, dear reader, that even the Earth was once just particles of dust, and even the ocean was once just a trillion raindrops. I want you to read this article as many times as is comfortable to you. At the end, please comment a link to a story on here that you’ve written, or that someone else you like on this platform has written. Do this as many times as you want. I want to help feed into the Vocal Ouroboros and lend my attention to people who have lent their attention to me.

You can find my newest Instagram account here:

You can read the first iteration of this project here:

You can read about the second iteration of this project here:

You can read something of mine with actual literary merit here:

As always, thank you so much for your attention, for your support, and for the money that those things will bring me. You are incredible.