I quit looking for a job.

Before you read this, I need to tell you this is not an advice article. I do not suggest quitting your job this year. I am a 19-year-old girl with no clue on what I am doing. I am just here to tell you my thoughts, and my story.

I plan to go to college this year. By August of 2025, I will be somewhere studying sociology. I haven’t quite figured out where yet, but that’s okay with me. My parents won’t be paying my living expenses for me, we aren’t that well-off. I will still have to pay my bills during this time. It may seem like a strange decision to be unemployed knowing that, but I struggle to do things the ‘right’ way. My boyfriend recently brought this to my attention. It wasn’t something I was aware of honestly. We were talking about my job struggles, mostly my lack of keeping one. What sparked the conversation was a situation at my most recent job. I had called my boss to let her know I was going to possibly be a few minutes late because I had to pull over on my way to work because of a terrible headache. I was recovering from being sick for a week, and the bright sun and reflection of the snow combined with sinusitis were all making it hard to focus on anything, and I didn’t feel safe driving anymore until it let up. Apparently, people don’t pull over for headaches on their way to work. I promise I do not think the world revolves around me. I genuinely thought this was an understandable thing to do.

Growing up, I took care of everyone around me. Because of this, everyone trusted I would just do the right thing, and take care of what I needed to take care what I needed to. And I always have. But no one parented me really. I was a good kid and had everything handled, so no one needed to. I also had people who didn’t know had to parent all around me, so either way I was on my own. I wasn’t taught all the rules of society because of this. It felt weird to realize that people saw all these flaws in me I was completely unaware of. No one had told me before that I was doing things wrong. I spent the whole night thinking about how people function, have it all figured out, my own choices in decisions, how different my life has been compared to others and a thousand other things. Why can’t I figure it out too? Why am I so bad at everything and everyone else can just get up and do it?

People get up and go to work each day because they are working towards some financial goal. That could just be to pay their bills and take care of their family. But even if they aren’t passionate about their work, they do it. But I struggle to do that. If it doesn’t interest me, I can only do it for so long before I lose all motivation. I am unsure of how to fix that. It is hard to find a job that is the perfect fit for my interests, passions, and schedule I want, especially without a college education. Shocker, I know. I have applied to countless jobs that interest me, or align with a passion I have, and the only response I have gotten back from these are rejection letters. So, I decided to just stay ‘unemployed’. I still have bills to pay though, and I have to move out of my dad’s house eventually, so I started working for Instacart as a personal shopper. Strangely, this job is fun to me, so I don’t struggle to do it. I can also fully create my own schedule, so I never have to say no to something I want to do. That’s a nice bonus of being unemployed, you have a lot of free time. Meaning I get to focus on things I am passionate about.

I want to spend 2025 writing, reading, planning, and doing. I have already started planning a community event about mental health awareness that I am so excited for. I have also realized I have time to sit and write, something I have always loved doing. That’s why you are reading this article right now. I also have the time to sit with myself and my thoughts, and maybe figure out what mental block is stopping me from doing the things everyone else does so ‘easily.’

You may find this whole article funny. Another Gen-Zer that doesn’t want to work, coming online to talk about how much they don’t want to work. But that isn’t my issue. I would love to be able to just work. I would love to be a productive person and behave like others. I would love to not be completely controlled by my emotions and become suddenly unable to do anything all day because I thought about the fact I won’t be able to see my boyfriend for a week because of his job, or how my closest friends haven’t answered my texts in three days. I know there is a deeper, root cause to this all. But I haven’t given myself the time to figure it out. Instead, I have been focused on just doing what everyone else does. I have trapped myself in this miserable cycle of trying something that I know won’t work for me, failing at it, and then being frustrated with myself because no one else is living this way. I am unsure of how to fix what is ‘messed up’ about me, but the only way to break the cycle is to find a solution. So I am also spending 2025 self-reflecting. Taking the time to truly get to know myself, and find ways I can help myself as well.

I know not everyone can take a year off work to ‘find themselves.’ It is honestly a crazy thing to do when you have no money, live with your parents, and everyone already thinks you live life the ‘wrong way.’ I am so grateful I have found myself in a position where I can do such a thing. But I want you, sweet reader, to consider the last time you sat down alone and took the time to self-reflect. Don’t quit your job to go on a self-discovery journey like me, but take time to be with yourself. Learn about yourself. Make sure you aren’t stuck in a miserable cycle that everyone but you can see.