I’m a Contrarian—and It’s My Superpower!

I do what people are not doing, and for years I have been carrying so much shame around it. Only now do I see I’m right on track. I am the light shining on the path for those like me, who believe—or have been made to believe—that they are lost.

I felt lost.

Eight billion people could not possibly be wrong!

Regardless, my fate kept pushing me onto contrary paths, and the more I fought, the more the struggle, the pain, and the suffering persisted. It was the literal "going against the grain."

What’s more, I felt it viscerally—that I was not supposed to conform. I do have people I look up to, but somehow, I never get inspired to be like them. I clap for them and rejoice at their triumphs, but whenever I put myself in their shoes, something tells me that I’ll not end up happy.

‘Being myself’ would make me happy—happiness is the one thing I have promised myself to never again compromise on. Once bitten... By happiness, I do not mean a lack of down times or challenges but an inherent, tangible joy that brims from authenticity.

Every soul has a signature of authenticity where this peace and joy live. The idea is to tap into it. To be able to do this requires being still—stilling the fluctuations of the mind.

I have written about failure before, where I pointed out that the one thing, I’m yet to fail at is being myself. I have been able to reach this inner peace and joy.

Now, every time I move in a direction away from this peace, it feels like self-betrayal—like I’m being torn apart.

When I researched this concept, a few descriptions resonated with the kind of contrarian I was in the past, whereas some resonate with who I have now become. The previous version was doomed to burnout and failure. Now I am a:

• Strategic contrarian: Instead of fighting every battle, I choose my battles wisely, focusing on the issues that truly matter to me.

• Empathic contrarian: I’ve learned to understand the perspectives of others, even those I disagree with, allowing me to engage in more productive dialogue.

• Silent/Internal contrarian: I may still hold contrarian views, but I express them more subtly or through creative outlets rather than direct confrontation. Instead of only pointing out problems, I now focus on creating solutions.

That said, I am a walking contradiction to my society - African Hindu instead of Christian; non-practicing lawyer, despite successfully passing the bar, graduating, and setting out on a very promising trajectory; unmarried with no kids, where 90% of my peers are. I don’t take pride in being fiercely independent. If anything, I see value in partnership and healthy interdependence. I see the need to respect traditions, especially African traditions such as polygamy.

I believe in the need to listen to reason because, from where I sit, a lot of things are non-functional due to the collapse of systems that worked and that had been thoroughly thought through.

I am a healthy religious and political skeptic. I take everything with a pinch of salt. I am unafraid of taboo subjects. As a matter of fact, I relish them. I am unafraid to stand alone. I’m comfortable with being different and don’t seek validation from others— (this was a muscle/strength that I unconsciously depleted and am working to regain).

I am constantly seeking knowledge and engaging in critical thinking. I challenge conventional wisdom and seek alternative perspectives. I express my opinions clearly and confidently, even when they are unpopular. Finally, I am not afraid to challenge authority or speak truth to power. I do this less often now because I have a much better understanding of how the world is and why things happen as they do.

Now, I make joy and peace out of my contrarian nature. I love writing, speaking, and teaching, and I get to do that without all the inhibitions.

I have a strong, inherent ability to walk away from things that do not feel aligned, and I've found that this ability has developed over time.

I recently recognized my courage to face my fears, something I had previously overlooked. My malleable character, my ability to adapt easily to anything, was something I misapplied. I believed I could force conformity upon myself, against my better judgement. That attempt, however, proved unsuccessful.

I am now using my adaptability to lubricate the challenges that come with authenticity, helping me, the round peg, fit smoothly into the round hole that I have only recently found. I am grateful that I found this place before my time was up.

My purpose, I believe, is to illuminate an alternative path, a 'road less traveled,' and thrive there, offering a beacon of hope to those faltering on the crowded highway. This is something I imagine I would volunteer to come down here for.

There is another way to do this life. Each person has the option to forge their own way. There are diverse goals, pathways, and ways to experience this fleeting life.

You don’t even need to be bold enough to try it; you only need to want the taste of something different badly enough.