Her Story

She hates and loves the silence. Her heart was a warm lonely organ encased in a hard cold exterior, wanting affection but pushing it away at the same time. She could say she became like this from all her trauma, from all the pain and betrayal she has suffered. From the cold home from which she came, from having to grow up very young, from maturing before her time.

And yes, all these may play a part but truly she is all she has ever loved and even sometimes that doesn't seem true. She doesn't think there is any space in her heart for anyone, she doesn't think she has it in her to love anyone. She's always one step ahead always thinking further than the present cause she learnt early to be smarter than those around her.

People come in and leave her life like she's a revolving door, just an opening to the next adventure but she doesn't mind... all she needs is herself after all. There are times when she lies alone she wishes that someone stayed, that someone fought for a space in her heart, that someone was brave enough to fight her demons, that someone saw the broken child in her and cared enough to heal her.

Sometimes she looks at herself in the mirror and screams at herself, begging and pleading "Please love someone, please let us love someone" but she remains unmoved, she's too far gone for that. The romantic in her locked up in chains, starving for affection being a slave to her trauma. She grew up knowing the black keys on the piano called life, wielding pain and embracing fear like an old friend, fighting battles she shouldn't have fought, healing her wounds.... or at least trying to.

She goes about her day with a smile on her face, no one understanding the torment in her soul. So funny how she can shapeshift, be whatever people want her to be, bury her emotions and feelings and become a person she doesn't even recognize... must be a gift. People look at her and think she has her life together, think that she has no care in the world, some envy her and she laughs... if only they knew.