Corporate life-Pretending to love the life I’m losing.

It is so cold, I am freezing. I slowly opened my eyes. I see the sky-wait, wait, trees? Where am I? Is it a forest?? I jump to my feet. What the actual hell. Where am I? I am close to panicking now. Why am I here? Where should I go? Thousands of thoughts are eating my mind, all of them fighting to win. My heart is racing.

Mind you, I am not a very brave person. Waking up in the middle of the forest, in the middle of the unknown, in the middle of nowhere, would give me a heart attack, and I feel like the only thing stopping it is my will to survive. And here, I can’t survive that. So maybe later, when I have time for that.

Oh my god, did I just schedule a heart attack??

Think, think, think, what should I do? Everywhere I look, there is nothing.

Think, think, think, every movie I have watched says you have to find water, water is your friend.

Think, think, think, what else do I know? Forest, forest… oh my god, I am in a forest. What if there are animals here? Of course, there are animals here; it’s a FOREST. And with that thought, I start running.

Run, run, run. I am running because that’s the only thing I know how to do in this situation—and god, I am not even good at it. I am racing through trees, everything hurts- my lungs hurt, my throat, my eyes, my feet. Where am I going? What if I am running toward the depths of the forest? What if running will only make it worse? What if I attract wolves?

And suddenly, my feet stop. My mind is racing. What should I do? Every step feels uncertain. What if I should not run? What if the direction is wrong? But staying here feels like accepting defeat, giving up. And maybe I am not strong, maybe not brave, or not special, but one thing that has defined me is fighting. Without that, I am nothing altogether.

Breathe, breathe, breathe, do not panic. But how can you not panic? I am in the middle of the forest. Breathe, breathe, breathe. What would a smart person do? What would a brave one do? But who am I lying to? I am neither. Okay, that type of thinking will just get me killed- and now literally. You know what they say: Fake it till you make it. So get every little bit of bravery that you have and think, what can you do?

I should climb a tree; I will see the road. But I do not know how to climb one. I look at the trees around me- they are huge, god. Maybe I should climb a little one, but climbing little ones won’t show me a way.

What time is it? Animals might come out at dark. Oh my god, what do I do?

What do I even do here? Was I walking in my sleep again? Of course I did. This is what walking with closed eyes brings you. I am stuck in this forest, with nowhere to go.

Running feels vain; I’m not even good at it. I could run a mile, but I’d still be running toward God knows what. Climbing high trees isn’t an option, and the smaller ones won’t help either. And staying here, doing nothing, isn’t an option either. I know I have to do something, but every path leads nowhere. I am stuck. Stuck?? I can't even stay here, I can't even be stuck.

Oh Good! what do I do?

Oh dear reader, what do I do?

If I stay in this corporate job, it will drain the life out of me and my inner wolves will catch me. I want to write, draw, and create—but all I know is running. It’s like wanting to climb a tree with no ability to do so.