"Because it’s been so long since I’ve been loved like that..."

Was your day okay today?

Asking questions based on the first principle thinking method gives you diverse perspectives on many different issues in life. To truly live in spirit, let's explore together.

Why do some people have such beautiful love?

Why do others easily find love while I don't? These questions have always lingered in the mind of a young girl after her five-year relationship ended because of the disparity between their families. His family looked down on hers openly, causing her to cry into her pillow at night out of humiliation. Is money and material wealth really that important? No matter how hard she tried, with her decent looks, education, stable job, and good income, she was still dismissed as a "country bumpkin" who should know her place and not reach too high. Does being poor mean being unworthy of love? It’s laughable that she threw away this worthless love.

Had she ever really known what love was during those five years?

Why bother with love if it brings so much pain? There’s nothing wrong with living alone. Even though she knows life can't be without love, falling in love brings so much bitterness. She has truly come to believe that beautiful love is rare, and it will never happen to her.

Day by day, she buries herself in work, still taking care of herself, supporting her parents, learning to play a few musical instruments, and occasionally traveling to discover new lands. From the outside, people would admire her life. But deep inside, she still felt something was missing.

Though she was truly okay with being alone—her job, family, finances, health—everything seemed fine. But why was she still not at peace?

She shared her thoughts with a friend, who replied, "I'm not sure, but maybe you're feeling this way because you've lost the feeling of love and being loved."

Think back. Has there ever been a time when you felt similarly empty, when everything in life seemed fine, but you felt nothing at all?

Could it be that it’s been too long since you were truly loved?

In her book The Feeling of Being Loved, Jenny S. explains it like this: "Because when we feel loved and make others feel loved, we touch the very source of happiness."

We talk about love as something singular, but true love encompasses two main forms: to love and to be loved.

To love is when you sit and carefully sew up the tear in his shirt, while to be loved is when his shirt tears because he tried to carry an extra box to make the delivery on time so he could line up to buy you your favorite dish.

To love is when you’re clumsy, but you still tidy up the house to welcome him home. To love is the hot meal you prepared for him after a long day’s work, while to be loved is when he eats and praises the dish you made, hugging and thanking you for taking care of the house. It’s when he helps you clean up so you don't have to do everything by yourself.

To love is when you look at the man who’s working tirelessly to give his wife and children a better life, while to be loved is the smile and wave he gives you every time your eyes meet.

But love in real life is not so simple; it requires another element to sustain the relationship.

Let’s listen to another story. On Valentine’s Day, a girl came home after a tiring day at work to find her boyfriend sitting there. She sighed, "I'm so tired, honey."

"Yeah, work is always tiring," he replied.

"You don't care about me at all? I got scolded by my boss today."

"I got scolded yesterday too. Today, my tire went flat in a downpour."

"But… but… won't you say something to comfort me?"

"I know you like sweet words, but I can't say those things. You're tired; eat something and go to bed early."

He said and went to bed. The girl burst into tears of frustration, but then she realized he had washed and hung up the laundry, stocked the fridge, and left her a small pizza, her favorite flavor.

We’re all too familiar with the concept of the five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and gifts.

You recognize the love languages of the boy and the girl in the story, don’t you? They seemed to understand this about each other, but something still wasn’t right—something was missing to make them feel happy and content in their relationship. What was it?

The answer is empathy.

We often assume these actions are acts of love, but that’s not enough. We fail to see this lack because we are stuck in our own perspective. We are too confident that we have given the best without asking if what we give is what our loved one truly needs.

Theories, numbers, and scientific studies on human behavior are helpful; understanding your partner's love language is important, but none of this matters if there is no empathy and humility—understanding and accommodating each other, giving what the other person truly wants.

Love languages or attachment styles can help us understand ourselves and others, but if they are used as an excuse for neglect, they become nothing more than empty theories. Empathy is the greatest and most meaningful gift we can give to the person we love because it stems from the time, effort, and deep love we have for them.

It’s not that they don’t love you; it’s just that they don’t love you the way you want.

Sounds familiar, right? This phrase suggests that we should accept our partner's different expressions of love. While this isn’t wrong, believe me, being loved the way you want is what determines whether a relationship can last.

The issue isn’t how much effort we put in, how much money or time we spend. The issue is how we convince someone that they are loved, always loved, and always worthy of love. The issue isn’t how we strive to prove our love, but how we connect with their soul and give them the love they truly need while also feeling loved ourselves.

How much someone loves or how much effort they make is irrelevant.

What matters is how much effort one puts in for the other. In the end, people are more adept at finding reasons to leave than reasons to stay and try. Love and being loved are simply different expressions of the phrase "love must come from both sides." Without one side, love loses its balance and struggles to endure.

Sadly, many people take being loved for granted and become indifferent, not reciprocating their partner's love, not caring how the other wants to be loved.

And so, we drift apart, slowly and gradually.

This indifference and assumption that being loved is a given can be explained by the fact that in our early years, we were just children who only understood what it meant to be loved. The feeling of being loved back then was our parents automatically showing up, ready to comfort, teach, entertain, and care for us unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.

The child we once were learned about love in a relationship that was entirely one-sided.

Parents love without expecting anything in return. "It’s been so long since you’ve been loved like that," someone sighed. It's not that you haven't been loved, but that you've never been loved.

But, my friend, don't forget that love comes in many forms and shapes. Don't forget that we have been loved—loved so much—by the love of our father and mother, from the love of those closest to us when we were tiny.

In this awkward age of adulthood, when we first declare our desire for love, it’s actually that we want to be loved as our parents once loved us. We want to recreate that feeling of being cared for and pampered. Deep inside, we yearn for someone who will understand what we want, who will give us what we crave, who is patient and understanding with us, who acts selflessly and makes everything better.

As Haruki Murakami once said, "The person who is right for you is someone who sees through your temperament, understands your flaws, and doesn't care about anything else but is willing to stay with you no matter what happens."

There’s no such thing as the perfect match; it’s all about each person compromising and changing. Among millions of people, meeting the right person is fate. Among dozens of people, caring about the right person is intentional. But in all relationships, meeting and caring for someone without considering whether it's right or wrong is true love.

However, we also need to flip the question a little.

Have you ever told your partner how you want to be loved?

Don’t rush to complain that they didn’t give you the love you long for because not everyone is perceptive enough to realize exactly what you want.

Sit down and have an honest conversation with each other.

Share sincerely what you desire, your love language, and listen to your partner's perspective.

But if you’ve poured your heart out, tried so hard to love, and they still don’t care, don’t try to understand or accommodate you, and refuse to give you the love you want, then maybe it’s time to reconsider this relationship.

When filled with love, one sees love everywhere.

Believe me, the sky isn't always gray. It’s just that past sorrows make you want to reject the blue days.

Some find happiness in love, some find pain, but whether it’s pain or happiness, people continue to love.

And that’s why love exists.

Love will always exist, here and there. People can’t live without love.

It’s true that not all love is perfect, not all love is reciprocated.

Some love quietly appears, some love quietly ends. But I still believe that those who love each other will find each other. Good luck.