“A Mother’s Cry in the Whirlpool of Life”

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Your Story

I am 28 years old. I have studied up to matriculation. I was 18 when I got married to my paternal aunt’s son, who is ten years older than me. He lives in Saudi Arabia and visits only for two months each year. We've been married for ten years and have three children aged 9, 6, and 4.

The first six years of my marriage were spent living with my in-laws, where I constantly faced restrictions and criticism. Everything—from eating and sleeping to minor daily actions—would lead to arguments. When I told my husband, he would just say, “Be patient.”

The biggest problem I face is that my children don’t listen to me. My in-laws spoil them, use foul language, and when I object, they complain about me. When I ask my husband for a separate house, he says, “How can I manage one from Saudi Arabia?” He’s been there for 18 years, and for the first 16 years, he sent all his money to his family. Only four years ago, I got a separate kitchen on the upper floor. The heat is unbearable. He only sends money for expenses and is now saving for himself. We have no house or business of our own.

I feel like I’m losing control of my kids. They imitate each other’s bad behavior. The eldest is rude. When I lived with my in-laws, their anger and frustration would always land on me. I was even beaten, and I would cry to myself, asking why this was happening.

My husband is emotionally distant. Even meals were only provided if it suited him—never based on what I wanted. When the kids ask for things, I have no money to buy them anything. I used to complain to my husband a lot, and now he blames me for everything. He says, “If it's so hard, then leave me.” He’s hit me twice. Once, I was even thrown out of the house by my in-laws, and a month later, they told my husband to stay in Pakistan. After a fight with my brother-in-law, my husband came to my parents’ house, where we stayed for two months—but he never spoke to his family about anything.

I feel heartbroken because I gave my youth, 16 years of sacrifices, to his family, and instead of support, I was kicked out. Now my husband is tired of me. When he’s in Saudi, even phone conversations end in fights and the topic of divorce comes up. I’m so stressed and depressed. I have constant headaches. He calls me crazy and says I overthink. He tells me: “Do what you can if you’re so capable. I won’t give you a home. I’ll bring a new wife to a new home after you die.”

He says he's fulfilled his desires and that because of our age gap, we don’t “vibe.” He thinks outings, food, and taking the kids out are all useless. He has no friends and stays home when he's here. Within ten days, fights start again. Now, even I lose my temper and say hurtful things. I regret it later. I wasn’t like this before—I used to be cheerful—but now I am not well mentally or physically. He keeps telling me to lose weight and look good, but I’m under so much stress that I can’t do anything.

Sometimes he acts like I’m his whole world, and the next moment he says, “You’re beneath my shoes.” My parents’ home consists of my mother, father, and nine sisters—no brothers. I don’t want to trouble them, so I don’t share my problems. Still, they understand from my mood. I don’t tell anyone about my marriage because I’m afraid people will later use it against me: “Oh, your husband is like this or that.” I have no real friends. I have sisters-in-law, but they just gossip, and I don’t like that, so I avoid them.

I can’t even pray regularly because I’m always tired and mentally exhausted. I just wish someone would give me sincere advice that brings me peace, changes the hearts of my children and husband, and helps me build a better life.

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My Response (Translated):

You’ve shared your story with incredible courage, and that alone is a big step. What you’re going through is not just physical hardship—it’s deep emotional and spiritual exhaustion. You are a woman who is not only trying to survive herself but also provide a safe, respectful, and loving environment for her children—and that’s a completely valid desire.

I’ve broken down my suggestions into six practical and faith-based categories to help you step-by-step:

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🌱 1. Mental & Emotional Strength (Only 20 Minutes a Day)

Morning Practice: Sit quietly and take 3 deep breaths. Recite:

> “O Allah! Lighten the burden on my heart.” This helped a woman named Fatima become emotionally strong and respected in her home.

To Cool Down Anger: Drink a glass of water and recite “Ya Haleem” 7 times.

> “Anger is fire—it burns your own house.”

Defeat Depression: Sit in the sunlight for 15 minutes daily. Vitamin D deficiency is a major cause of depression. One woman changed her life in 6 months by doing just this.

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👶 2. Discipline Your Children with Love

If children misbehave, calmly ask:

> “Does your mother ever say such things to you?”

Create a Reward System:

Give a star for every 3 good behaviors.

5 stars = small reward (story, little gift).

When in-laws misbehave with your kids, calmly say:

> “Children are flowers—harsh words are like acid rain.”

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🏠 3. Disarming Your In-Laws

When your sister-in-law or mother-in-law says something hurtful, smile and say:

> “I don’t fully understand your words,” and walk away. "A sharp tongue gets tired if there’s no reaction."

Pray in front of them. One woman reported her mother-in-law changed her attitude after seeing her pray regularly.

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💰 4. Simple Ways to Start Earning from Home

These three ideas suit your situation:

1. Teach henna application to neighborhood girls—earn up to Rs. 500 per student.

2. Cooked food or homemade spices—sell in your area.

3. Teach Quran online (if you know Tajweed).

How to Talk to Husband About It: When he returns home, build a happy atmosphere for 3 days. Then say:

> “If I start a small business, it might ease your burden.”

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❤️ 5. Healing the Relationship with Your Husband

Begin with Love, Not Complaints:

> “I miss you, may Allah keep you safe.”

When he mentions divorce, tearfully say:

> “You’re my only support—without you, this home feels empty.”

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📿 6. Spiritual Peace (Even If You’re Exhausted)

If you can’t offer full prayers, offer just 2 heartfelt rakats and say:

> “Ya Allah, have mercy on me—don’t let me drown.”

Daily Tasbih: Recite “Astaghfirullah al-Azeem” 100 times.

(72 women have reported success with this in increasing blessings.)

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📌 Weekly Action Plan

Day Task

Monday Sit in sunlight + Dhikr

Tuesday Tell one story to kids

Wednesday Learn one income skill

Thursday Send husband a kind message

Friday 2 rakats of heartfelt prayer

Saturday Treat yourself to small joy (tea, flower)

Sunday Review your weekly budget and pray

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💌 Final Note:

You’ve endured much, but you haven’t given up—that’s strength, not weakness.

> 🌷 You are a mother, a wife—but above all, you’re a human being. And every human being deserves respect, joy, and peace.