The Illusion of “Having It All” — And What to Aim For Instead

We grow up surrounded by the same quiet promise: that if we work hard enough, plan carefully enough, and keep moving forward, one day we’ll “have it all.”

The perfect job. The perfect relationship. The perfect home, body, and lifestyle. A version of life that looks flawless from the outside.

But most people who chase this dream eventually discover a hard truth — it never arrives. The finish line always moves, the standard always shifts, and the moment of complete peace we’ve been waiting for never comes.

What we call “having it all” is an illusion.

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This illusion has a cost. It makes us believe our worth is tied to how much we can accumulate. It convinces us to delay peace until the next milestone — the next promotion, the next achievement, the next thing we can post about.

And yet, even when those milestones are reached, the emptiness doesn’t go away. We just move the goalposts further. We tell ourselves it will happen “later,” not realizing that later keeps us trapped in a life of exhaustion.

The truth is, no one has it all. Even those who look like they do are carrying struggles you don’t see.

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What actually makes a life feel whole is rarely what culture tells us to chase.

It isn’t perfection, it isn’t comparison, and it isn’t the illusion of everything. It’s usually much smaller, much simpler, and much more real.

Time for what matters most. Relationships where you can show up as your true self. A sense of purpose — not a grand one, just one that gives meaning to your days. And peace in your own skin, even when things aren’t perfect.

These things don’t make for flashy headlines. They won’t impress everyone watching. But they will ground you in ways the endless chase never will.

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The courage comes in choosing less.

Because letting go is harder than it sounds. It means disappointing people. It means admitting you don’t need every box checked to be whole. It means walking away from the race everyone else seems determined to keep running.

But that courage creates space.

Less distraction becomes more clarity.

Less striving becomes more contentment.

Less noise becomes more peace.

It’s not about shrinking your life. It’s about clearing enough space for the parts that matter to finally breathe.

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The world may never stop telling you that you need more. That you’re behind. That you’re not enough until every piece is in place.

But the truth is simpler: you don’t need it all to be whole. You only need enough — and the wisdom to recognize it when you already have it.

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I’ve written the full version of this reflection in the Benevolentia Journal, where I explore more deeply why “having it all” is a trap, what actually brings meaning, and how to build a life that feels grounded and real. If this spoke to you, you can read the complete piece here:

👉 Read the full Journal entry on Benevolentia

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May this reminder give you permission to step out of the chase, and into a life that feels lighter, truer, and finally your own.

- Benevolentia ✨