The City of Life

“I think...I really do love her,” I said forlornly.

My sister burst out laughing, “Shouldn’t you be happy?!”

“Well, I need to convince her to move here. What if I can’t make her fall in love with this city?” I sighed.

Exactly a year before that conversation, I had gone to the Philippines on holiday and met a woman who stole my heart the instant I saw her. I had never experienced a feeling like that before that trip. I just knew - she was the one. Luckily for me, she felt it too. After a whirlwind romance and months of long-distance longing, I knew we couldn’t keep going that way. We needed to be together. I had commitments here so my only option was to convince her to move to my hometown.

“How could she not love this place?” my sister said with a glint in her eye.

She was right. My hometown isn’t just beautiful. It’s magical. The city of Kota Kinabalu in Malaysia is a place where you can scuba dive deep into the ocean in the morning and be standing on a 13,435 ft mountain summit by the end of the same day if you wish. It had magnificent caves, waterfalls, and islands but most of all, it had mystique. With over 33 indigenous tribes made up of headhunters, sea pirates, and living shamans - my hometown had a soul that was rich with spirits and magic.

People from all over the world came to enjoy its amazing natural features, rich culture, diverse food, and colorful markets but I didn't want my girlfriend to see this place through the eyes of a tourist. I wanted her to see this as a home - a place to build a life.

"You need to think about why this place is special for you, and perhaps, how it can be special for your relationship. What did you love most about it growing up?" my sister prompted.

My mind immediately went back to the past. As a child, I remember endless days playing on the beach with my sister and brother. Our exhausted bodies and hungry stomachs would be rewarded with fresh coconut juice and all manner of snacks from roasted peanuts to steamed sweet corn smothered in butter to barbequed meat on skewers. The street vendors lined the beachfront, creating the most delicious blend of smells. At the end of the day, we would sit contentedly eating our snacks in front of another splendid sunset.

I had left home after high school and traveled the world, living in half a dozen cities overseas but I always felt drawn to come back to my hometown. I thought about what it was that drew me back. Sure, there was my family. The warm, tight-knit home I had grown up in. But there was more. My hometown is complex and nuanced. It is diverse in culture, rich in personality, colorful, and incredibly peaceful at the same time.

When I came back, I had been happy to be home but something was missing in my life. I wanted to find someone I could build a life with and share this amazing city with. As I had done for much of my childhood, I had asked the city itself for guidance. Thinking back to this moment, I knew exactly how to convince my girlfriend to love my hometown. I would simply show her the story of how this city had led me to her. Once I had this thought, I immediately surprised her with an all-expense-paid trip and began frantically planning.

When she arrived, the first place I took her to was a beautiful mosque built on a lake. She looked confused so I proceeded to explain.

“Last year, I had a realization deep in my heart that I wanted most a deep and enduring love. The once-in-a-lifetime kind. I had no idea how to get it but it occurred to me that I should seek help from this city that knew me so well and had guided me so many times in the past. I did what I used to do when I was younger, which was to go to my favorite places in this city and say a prayer. I usually asked the Gods first. So, this is the first place I came. Here, I said my first prayer. I asked for a woman that was strong and graceful - that could be a stable source of support no matter what changes happened in life - just like this mosque. It is a picture of strength and peace on flowing water.”

She looked touched. "I had no idea you approached our relationship with so much intention," she said.“I feel at peace standing here. That there is quiet no matter what happens in this chaotic world.”

At the next place I took her I told her, “I decided that the matter of love was so important to my heart that I should not just ask one God but all of them. So, I came here next. As I sat here trying to understand the nature of this love I seek, I realized that I needed a patient woman. Someone who would forgive the mistakes that I would inevitably make. So, I asked the Goddess of Mercy here to help me find her.”

My girlfriend smiled as she observed the serene setting of the temple. The giant trees providing shade making it a beautiful oasis in the middle of the busy city. “I’m glad you asked her to help you. I often seek her guidance, too. It’s nice to know that she will be right here,” she said.

I decided that since I had sought the help of the Muslim God and the Taoist Goddess, I should not leave out the Hindu Gods, so I took her to a Hindu temple next. I explained that here, I had asked for sensuality and affection in my relationship.

“It’s amazing that there is so much diversity in religions here. I appreciate the acceptance of different ethnicities that exist in this city. And of course, you will get all the cuddles you want!” she said after admiring the beautiful and delicate architecture of the building. As we got back into the car, I told her about the next place I would take her.

“After I had prayed to all the Gods, I realized that in this city - the real power belongs to Mother Nature. I should seek her and ask for her help. So, I drove to this huge cave and asked Mother Nature to provide me with a woman whose capacity to love was as big as this cave,” I explained.

My girlfriend gasped at the size of the cave. “It’s beautiful and it reminds me of your capacity to love - which is also as big as this cave. I would love to explore this place more,” she said excitedly.

“Well, you’ll have to come back,” I teased. “But for now, I have somewhere else to take you.”

We drove a short distance and hiked through a scenic jungle trail. My girlfriend adored hiking and I could tell that this little hike was doing its part in getting her to fall in love with my hometown. I let her hike ahead of me a little so that I wouldn’t spoil the next surprise .

“Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed. She had arrived at the end of the trail and was watching a large waterfall hundreds of feet high that was gushing water.

“And here, is where I asked for a woman who was overflowing with joy and happiness,” I told her. As I watched her beaming face, glowing with sweat from the hike, I knew my wish had been granted.

“I’m so happy right now!” she grinned. “I can’t wait to explore all these hikes. Are there more like this?”

“Oh yes! Many more. But first, I want to give you your first pedicure in Malaysia,” I said mischievously.

“Here? How?” she asked.

“You’ll see,” I responded secretively. I led her down to a different part of the waterfall which ended in a gentle pool of water.

“Ta-da!” I exclaimed dramatically with a flourish of my arms.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “Who is giving me a pedicure?”

“The locals. They are waiting for you. Here, let me show you.” I took her hand and sat her down on a big flat rock. I removed her shoes for her and gently placed her feet in the cool pond. She suddenly began giggling uncontrollably.

“Ahhhhh, that tickles!" She looked down and her eyes grew wide. "What are they? Is it safe?”

“They’re fish! They eat all the dead skin on your feet. It’s the most natural pedicure you’ll ever get! And yes, it’s safe. Here, I’ll do it too.”

That night, as we snuggled in bed together, I said, “Tomorrow, I’m going to introduce you to some of my favorite friends growing up.

I had always been shy as a child. As a result of that, I found a lot of comfort in being around animals who seemed to accept me for the person that I am and expected nothing from me. My girlfriend was a big animal lover as well and I knew she would fall in love with the unique animals that my hometown had to offer.

The next day, I took her to my favorite farms. I had not realized how special the animals here were until I had left home. To this day, returning to these farms always gives me a lot of joy.

The first farm was a quaint rabbit farm. My girlfriend squealed at the sigh of the adorable bunnies and seemed enchanted by the setting where colorful umbrellas hung from above.

"Can we come here whenever I want?" she asked.

"Whenever you want!" I promised. "But I have something better for you next!"

I made her promise to close her eyes before we arrived at the next farm. When she opened them, she said her heart melted at the sight of the uniquely colored local pigs.

"It's impossible not to feel happy when I look at these pigs!" she exclaimed.

"I know," I smiled in agreement. "But there is one animal that makes me even happier but for different reasons! We'll go see them next!"

We drove back into the city and entered a bustling market. My city sits on an endless coastline and is well known for its incredibly fresh and delicious seafood. My girlfriend adored food and I knew if anything could convince her to stay, it would be the promise of fresh seafood daily. The fish at the fish market were caught that very day and cooked in front of you.

"Oh my gosh! It's even more delicious than it looks!" she said as she savored the very last morsel of fish and leaned back contentedly. She was from a landlocked town in the Phillippines and it was not easy to get fresh seafood. So, this was a real treat for her.

"And tomorrow my love, I’m going to show you how I knew where to look for you,” I told her.

For my final gesture, I knew I had to set the mood for romance - which was fortunately very easy to do in my hometown. With its idyllic natural beauty, my hometown was a popular resort destination with plenty of unique options to choose from. I chose one with a stunning view of the mountains and our own private pool.

The most iconic part of my city is definitely the mountain for which it is named - Mount Kinabalu. A UNESCO World Heritage site, the mountain itself is rich in mythology and is a sacred place for the local Dusun tribe. It had always held a significant spiritual meaning for me as well. I had often hiked up to the summit when I was at an impasse in life or needed guidance. Though the mountain could not speak, the answer had always revealed itself to me soon after, and for that, I always held a deep respect for the mountain.

This was also the final part of the story of finding my wife so I knew I had to take her there. We got up in the middle of the night and began a hike that would take hours. I knew it was arduous but I also knew it would be worth it. Just as we were about to reach the summit, dawn broke and I stopped my girlfriend at a specific spot.

“Right here - is where I knew. It’s where I got the sign. I had come up here to ask the mountain where to find you and I was on the way down when a little boy slipped and his cap fell off his head. I picked up the cap and helped him get back on his feet. On the cap, it said "Clark, Philippines" and I knew that was where you would be. I booked a flight the very next day and met you a week later.”

My girlfriend’s eyes began misting up and I knew that this was my opportunity. So, I got on my knee and asked her to marry me.

“This city is special because it has shaped me into a person who could appreciate all of you. Your strength, your grace, your patience, and your sensuality. I asked the city to help me find the love of my life, and it took me to you. The city chose you even before you got here, now you get to decide if you will choose it back. Will you marry me?”

She said yes.

That was eight years ago and today she has come to love the many charms of the city. She counts amongst her friends people of all races, she has indulged in the delicious local foods, and she has shopped in the colorful marketplaces. Most of all, she has fallen in love with the mountains, beaches, and waterfalls which she frequents.

Though I too enjoy those charms of the city, the real reason I will always love this city is because it led me to my wife. The name of my city means "the revered place of the dead" but for me, it will always be the city of life.

Several years after my wife and I got married, we had two children who will now also get to call this magical place their hometown. I've lived two lives in my hometown, one growing up and one after returning home. I didn't choose the first and I begged for the second - but both have been magical.