That's Life

Ahh, it's nice to get out of that stuffy paper bag and finally breathe again. Let's have a look around. This is a nice apartment. I could get quite comfortable here. I wonder what kind of adventures we'll have; what kind of stories will be written in me? Will she choose pen or pencil? I'm so excited! I've been on that shelf at the store for weeks watching all my brightly coloured and beautifully decorated friends be chosen one by one. I may be only one colour, not even a colour really, I believe I'm actually a shade, but I'm the most sleek and distinguished of all the little notebooks. A little black notebook says I'm important, smart, bold and can go anywhere.

Ooo here she comes. I bolster myself up as best I can from my view on the kitchen counter. She's got a shiny pen in her hand; I hope the ink is silky. Wait, something isn’t right. The light bounced off the pen in a funny way and that pen looks too thin and too long. Oh no, it's a knife! Why does she have a knife!! Is there a sandwich nearby? I don't remember seeing a sandwich but please let there be a sandwich nearby.

What happens next is a bit of blur. She picked me up, slammed me down on the kitchen table, removed my elastic and opened me up. Then the horror. She started carving out the middle of me, layer by layer, down one side, across and up the other. She left some paper behind around the edges but not enough to write anything good on. My dreams of stories and adventures we would have together melted away with each stroke and then everything went dark.

Ugh, what a nightmare I had. My pages were being sliced out of me bit by bit. Whew, where did that even come from? I was having my best day yet. Why would I have a nightmare? I feel fine, maybe a little awkward, but I'm probably just shaken from the nightmare.

It's dark out now and the apartment is quiet. There is a street light beam coming through the living room window. The couch looks cozy. It's one of those soft plush overfilled ones. That would be a great spot to do some writing. As I continue to scan the open concept living space, I notice paper bits on the floor in a trail leading to the kitchen table. The table is full of paper, little shreds and bunches all over the place. The realization hits me; those bits are me; the nightmare was real! I have to get out of here before she comes back to finish me off.

The latch in the front door turns and in walks the lady who bought me. I'm too late! She looks nervous and jittery. She locks the door behind her and quickly walks over to me, flips my cover and stuffs plastic paper into the space she created then stuffs me into her bag and there is where I spend the rest of the night.

With nothing else to do I inspect the plastic paper. There's a fair amount of it. It's pretty with all sorts of numbers, pictures and see-through spots but you can't write on it and it smells funny. Why would she remove paper just to fill that same space with a lesser quality paper? With nothing better to do, I decided to add the numbers together. 20, 000. That's a pretty big number. Why is this lady using me as an envelope? I am distinguished, smart and important. I'm not an empty, vapid envelope. She has no idea what this little black notebook is for. The first chance I get I'm outta here.

My chance came that next morning. I practiced my wiggle all night, so I was ready. She picked up the bag I was in, luckily not sealing me in and as we walked down the hall I started to wiggle like crazy.

We stopped at the elevator and “Ding” went the doors to open, in we went and “Ding” they went to close. That's when I made my escape, out of the bag and onto the floor just as the doors dinged open again. “Ding” the doors closed. I had escaped! Forget writing about adventure, I'm living it!!

My excitement was cut short when the doors dinged open again. Oh no she's back!

Instead, in walked a dog and it's human. Whew not her. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

Oh oh, the dog started to sniff me and then started to lick me with it's rough pink tongue. Hehehe, that tickles. Cut it out, Hehehe.

"Hey, what do you got buddy? Is that a notebook? Someone must have dropped it. Here, we'll put it on the railing, so they'll see it when they get back."

The man wiped me off and then set me on the hand railing. I can see a lot more from up here, this is great.

"Ding"

There stood a woman and an elderly man in a wheelchair.

"Hey Bill, how's it going? You're looking pretty snazzy today." said the man with the dog.

"Grumph," was the noise the man in the wheelchair made.

The lady pushing his wheelchair said," He's not in a good mood today. We're going to a funeral."

"I'm right here ya know!" Then he folded his arms and growled.

The man with the dog said, " I'm sorry to hear that Bill. We’ll see you later for coffee," and patted him on the shoulder as he exited the elevator.

"Ding" the doors closed

"So do you know what you're going to say for the eulogy yet?" the lady asked.

"No, what can you say about your life long best friend?

"How about the day the two of you met?"

He guffawed, " Yeah that'd be good, let's traumatize the mourners! The day we met was on a ship during the war. We watched guys we just had drinks with a few days before float by us, some in pieces, as we hurled towards what was likely going to be the same fate for us. Yeah everyone would love hearing a detailed description of that!" he said sarcastically.

"Well, you don't need to tell everyone those details." She chided. " The two of you stayed strong for each other, watched each other's backs and got through it together and have been best friends ever since. You even married sisters and bought houses beside each other for a while. The two of you were like brothers. Just focus on the good times, his quirks and what you'll miss about him."

"Then I'll be bawling my eyes out. I'd rather traumatize the crowd."

"Ding"

The woman sighed, "Do what you want." as they walked out. I’d liked to hear more of that story. He seems like he could fill 50 notebooks.

Another two walked in. Quickly these two got their faces stuck together and were making all kinds of squishy noises. I wonder how they breathe like that. It looks painful.

"Ding"

In walked a young woman.

"Oh, gross guys, seriously, get a room."

The faces became unstuck, "This is a room."

The young woman rolled her eyes, "A private room. This is a public one, in case you didn't know that."

One of the mushed face people stuck their tongue out at her.

"So, what's Mom making for dinner?"

"How should I know?! I'm getting home at the same time as you."

"Ding"

"First to the door gets the last pudding!" They hurled out like wild animals.

"Ding"

Quiet. I had a moment to myself. Then the elevator started moving. Well, it looks like I'm going up.

"Ding"

In walked two men and a baby.

"Why do I always have to tell you what needs to be done? Why can't you just see it and do it?!"

"I'll do it if you just tell me what needs to be done then I'll get to it."

"Yeah, like two weeks later. That banana peel sat on the table for two weeks before you cleaned it up!"

As the two of them argued the baby reached over and poked me. She then stuck her finger in her nose as she drooled. Why do people think these things are cute? This one is like a goober machine. She then took her finger out of her nose and started to reach towards me again.

No! no! Sorry, I take it back! You're the cutest baby ever!!

She poked me with her snotty finger anyway and then dragged her finger across my beautiful sleek cover, spreading her snot. I'm going to puke all this weird colourful plastic paper everywhere in a few minutes.

"Ding"

Oh thank you, thank you, get this baby away from me. But they didn't leave, instead two more people walked in. The couple went silent, still arguing at each other with their eyes. They at least had to move further back so thankfully the baby could no longer reach me. Everyone faced the door in silence. Then people started to cover their noses politely, then trying not to gag.

"Sorry, we're trying new foods with her." said one of the Dads. Everyone tried to look understanding. As soon as the door opened everyone flew out as fast as possible. I've never been so glad to not have a nose before.

There was a woman standing there waiting.

"You'll want to wait for the next one. That one will need a few minutes to air out."

She went in anyway and then quickly jumped back out before the doors could close again.

“Ding”

“AI is totally going to take over one day, it’s totally super freaky.” The next person was talking on their cell phone.

“Hey, someone forgot their notebook in here. Do you remember grandpals? Your grandpal was awesome. Ethel was her name right? She used to bake a pie on a whim, swear like a sailor when the teachers weren’t looking and somehow always had lipstick on her teeth. Do you think they still do that in school?”

Murmurs from the other end

“Yeah me too. The letters were the best. Do you think people still do pen pal type stuff, like with actual paper? I loved getting fun snail mail.”

Fun snail mail and letters, putting pen to paper! This sounds like my kind of person. Hey come closer, pick me up and take me home. Come on, please! I tried wiggling. Pay attention to me!

“Ding”

They walked out without me. Please come back. Disappointed, I rode the elevator all day, up and down, up and down. Some people ignored me, others chewed on me or poked me or dropped food on me as they inspected me, but surprisingly no one opened me. The respect for one's private notes was strong in this building.

I got so distracted with watching people come and go, I forgot that I was supposed to be making a run for it, so of course later that day, I was found by my original owner.

She looked very sad when she walked in and then she saw me. Her face lit up and she grabbed me and hugged me, then she paused and looked a little stressed. She opened my cover while she held her breath and then seeing all that colourful plastic paper she smiled and started to dance while holding me tight.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will never let you out of my sight again! I thought I lost my inheritance. ”

Ok then, I guess I’m stuck with you but could you at least do some writing on my pages that are left with a nice pen, and I really could use a good wipe down. I had quite the day.