Surfing in Kauai, HI

On Thursday, September 26th, I mustered up the courage to try and catch some choppy waves out in Hanalei Bay. I figured that we rented these boards for half a day, why not? We’re here. We didn’t want to drive two hours to another beach and waste time. During our search, we paddled out pretty far from the beach; so far that I didn’t even want to look back. I still have this rational fear of being in open water, especially the ocean. I could still see the rocks at the bottom pretty clearly. We watched local surfers try and catch some of the bigger waves; I swam out and got myself caught in the current. I didn’t see it coming, but I suddenly felt a force of energy suck me under as I got thrown off my board and plunged down into the water. I scrambled to grab my board and saw another giant wave coming toward me. There was nothing I could do. I held my breath and let the wave crash into me. Another one rolled up behind me as I just managed to catch my breath. It’s all pretty blurry from there. It had been almost over a year since I’d been surfing. California is so much different from the oceans surrounding Hawaii; I was not prepared. I was screaming and using all of my energy to fight and stay above surface. Struggling to try and get out and swim around the current. My adrenaline kept me going as I slowly made my way back to land. My entire body is sore, my pelvis is bruised from fighting to get up onto my board. I thought I was done for. If conditions were worse, I probably wouldn’t have made it. Mother Nature is no joke—I’ve grown to respect that. I’m glad to be alive and I’m grateful for this learning experience.

As I arrived back to the surface, I laid on the sand for a bit. The waves were bringing in tons of small fish to the surface; most of them unable to breathe. I grabbed them and threw them back into the water, where they belong. I saw it as a symbol—everything is where they need to be. The fish in the sea, and me on land. I was not made for the ocean that day.

Now when I’m falling asleep, I have flashbacks of those waves coming towards me except it’s completely silent; I can’t even hear myself screaming.