So, I Moved to Mexico

Background

My vast and loyal readership have been clamoring for a follow up to my award winning and much beloved story So, I'm Moving to Mexico in which I detailed the reasons for my relocation to Mexico in an interesting and informative manner, using my patented blend of homespun humor, clever wordplay, and run on sentences that seem to never end. Congratulations reader(s) as your prayer(s) have finally been answered. Below I present to you the very sequel you have been dreaming about for close to three months now, and by below I mean that in terms of the typographical layout of the article on the screen from which you are currently reading this article. Unless you are reading it hanging upside down or perhaps in outer space in which case you may not consider it 'below' but instead above depending on your frame of reference. Also, you may have printed out the article and are reading a hard copy in which case, while the 'below' remark above may have been accurate the reference to the 'the screen from which you are currently reading this article' would obviously be incorrect. Also, Sharon from accounting wanted me to remind you that the printer is meant for work and work related printing only. Personal printing must be done on personal printers. In no way is it possible that reading some dumb article by a random insane person on the internet could be considered work or work related, no matter how humorous or clever or thoughtful or well crafted or informative it was. Finally, hopefully it goes without saying that Mexico is a large and diverse country. The part of the country I live in (Baja, California) is in many ways unique and different from mainland Mexico. Obviously, my observations only apply to the tiny slice of the country I have experienced to date, and my experiences and observation are unique to me. Others may, and almost certainly will disagree and/or have different opinions.

Lesson 1: Shop US retailers, pay US prices

Like myself you may have had dreams of picking up a Dewalt 20V MAX XR® Cordless Jig Saw with brushless motor which retails for anywhere from $150 to $200 in the US for a much, much lower price at a Home Depot in Mexico. Well, much like your dream to meet, sweep off her feet, and then marry Drew Barrymore, prepare to have that dream crushed, for you will not. Also, your dreams are so very sad and you probably need to get out more. In fact prices on just about anything Home Depot sells in its Mexican stores (at least in the area where I reside, Baja, California) are essentially identical to the prices for the corresponding goods in US Home Depots. This applies to the big name brands like Dewalt as well as non branded good, and to both big (power tools, appliances, etc.) and small (screws, nails, etc.) ticket items. The same rules apply to every major US chain in any sector that has outlets in this part of Mexico which, in addition to Home Depot, includes Walmart, Petsmart, Burger King, and Autozone to name just a few.

Lesson 2: Cash is still king

Like many up and coming countries, in Mexico cash is still king, and credit/debit cards are not accepted or frowned upon in some stores and for many services. I happen to view this as a good thing and am a big fan of cash transactions for a variety of reasons that are not relevant to this piece but are of course well thought through, logically consistent, persuasive, interesting, and thought provoking. If, however, you are not a fan of cash transactions prepare to be somewhat annoyed and irritated in a minor fashion as you will need to visit the ATM more often than you currently do. Be sure to withdraw Pesos in addition to US dollars for it is said that you will sometimes get better prices by paying in pesos. In my, admittedly very limited experience, this is mostly a myth and prices in pesos and dollars have been essentially identical in all cases I have observed. That said Pesos are I think preferred by most of the locals and even at the US chains I mentioned above (note: see above for a hilarious aside which illustrates just some of the problems that can arise when a term like above is used to describe the location of a certain thing in a piece of writing which may be said to exist in no physical location and have no fixed physical form. Note 2: note how I used the word above once again in my original note which referenced the hilarious aside which described just some of the shortcomings of using that term in a written piece. That is called irony, or maybe sarcasm, or maybe insanity. Definitely one of those three things.)

Lesson 3: High speed internet is widely available but at prices identical to the US

My rental home has high speed internet capable fiber optic cable already in place and many small and large telecom players willing and able to sell you all manner of high speed data services to fill the interior of that cable with electrons photons (thank you Dr. David Legan for the correction here on my stupid mistake) moving at the speed of light propagated by total internal reflection to go with it. Prices are identical to prices for the same services in the US. I will be paying $75/month for 1Gb wi-fi with the Mexican company Telnor, which is exactly, I mean exactly what I was paying for fiber optic internet at exact same data speed with AT&T in the US when I left.

Lesson 4: Real estate and energy are much, much cheaper than in the United States. Groceries and other consumer goods (food, clothing etc.) are significantly cheaper in most cases. The exception being when shopping in US stores. See lesson 1 above for more on this. Also see the Background section and lesson 2 for more on the problems associated with using the term above in a written work

Well, duh. I sure would hope so since the affordability of real estate is the main reason I moved here in the first place. Glad to see I did not just hallucinate that part. Energy costs are also considerably lower. My last electric bill in the US for my final month of residence there was a mind boggling $400. My first electric bill for the 3 months my wife has resided at our home in Mexico, $50. Just a slight difference. Of course, mostly we use propane and our home in Mexico does not have, nor require, central heat or air, but still. Finally, gasoline in the part of Mexico where I live is basically half the price of gasoline in San Diego. Of course, at roughly three bucks a gallon it is still not cheap, but compared to the six bucks a gallon one has to pay in San Diego it feels like a fantastic bargain. A trip to the grocery in Mexico will also set you back by a lot less than in the States and eating out a nice restaurant is much more affordable in Mexico.

Lesson 5: Mexicans very much believe in personal responsibility

I will just come right out and say it, Americans are hypocrites of the highest order when in comes the topic of personal responsibility. We love to preach its importance and consider it a core value, but when the rubber hits the road we are more than willing to conveniently forget about that value, especially when it comes to health or safety related issues. The ultimate nanny state of California is a perfect example. Useless warning labels/signs and ridiculous regulations and taxes abound. California clearly believes we are all children and need adult supervision in the form of the state government to save us from ourselves. Mexicans, take the exact opposite tact, and the country is a breath of fresh air for anyone with libertarian leanings like myself. In Mexico, it is buyer beware, and if you do something stupid and get hurt, it is on you. You should not have been so stupid.

Lesson 6: Personal safety and/or crime have been non issues

Since I have been in Mexico I have not once felt the least bit unsafe or threatened. Nor have I had any fear of falling victim to a crime. This includes the area around where I live and in Tijuana, including some of the seedier parts of the city (there are many), which I have had to visit due to my wife's border crossing situation which necessitates having a car parked on both sides of the border and crossing on foot in both directions daily.

Lesson 7: Everything takes two to five times longer than you expect or that it should

From paying tolls to paying bills everything in Mexico takes two to five times longer than it should. The country has no EZ pass system equivalent so paying a toll requires stopping at a toll booth, handing over cash (no credit cards accepted), taking your change and receipt and moving on. Want to pay your electric bill online in minutes like you do in the US? Sorry, you can only pay in person directly at the company office locations or specific convenience stores.

Lesson 8: Driving in Mexico is a lot like driving in the US with some notable exceptions

Mexican drivers are largely fairly courteous and law/sign abiding. Stop signs outnumber stop lights by a large margin which you might think would be a recipe for chaos, but actually works well if most people are respectful of regular order. In Mexico, as in the US, that seems to be largely the case. Major roads are in mostly decent shape, at least near where I live, and even in some of the shitter parts of Tijauana they are mostly passable.

Lesson 9: Mexico produces wine, cheese, and olives that are of equal or better quality than those of the countries of Europe or the Middle East that are regarded as best in the world at producing these three things

They all can be found in the Valle de Guadalupe region of the country which is only about an hour and half south of where I live. For whatever reason, Mexican wines are not found on the shelves of just about any retailer in the United States and thus are way less well known than they should be. Methinks competitive concerns, and thus political pressure from California grape growers in the major wine producing regions like NAPA valley may have something to do with this, but it is just a wild guess. Same story for Mexican olives. Some Mexican cheeses are found on US stores shelves but they not the high quality cheeses that abound in Valle De Guadalupe, Mexico.

Lesson 10: The border is exactly as much of a train wreck as I thought it would be.

See lesson 7 and multiply by five.