Seeking Seals, Whales, and Sasquatch

The beauty of retirement is freedom even if the pockets are low on cash. Simple things don’t require a lot of money. Hiking only requires resourcefulness. And the beauty of hiking is that it doesn’t have to wait for Coronavirus to “disappear.” But to enjoy the city life along the way as I prefer to, it will be best to wait for things to get back to the old normal. Maybe by then it won’t require a mask for public places.

If you have a few bucks, you can hike and live the life of luxury at night when the walking is done for the day. The Oregon Coast Trail is lined with plenty of restaurants and motels. If you’re broke, it’s lined with grocery stores and campsites. If you’re homeless and destitute, you can probably find food banks and churches to give you groceries, but in that case it’s not really hiking; it’s just plain survival.

In spring or fall (May or September), the Oregon Coast Trail is most inviting for hiking. It’s best to begin the hike at the northern trail head in Fort Stevens State Park. Starting here keeps the summer winds to your back. If you hike the entire trail, you’ll end up at the California border. The southern part of the trail is where you’ll encounter the most wilderness and desolate parts of the hike. I’ve heard that this stretch is the best place for a Sasquatch sighting.

I intend to take this hike at the beginning of May. I’ve only been retired for a year and already retirement has its disadvantages, and boredom is one of them. The biggest disadvantage is that of my wife’s. She’s just not used to having me underfoot all the time. She’s offered me a grand to make this hike more pleasant on my part. She really wants this for me...and her.

I love ships of any type. Tall sailing ships, battleships, cargo ships, and wrecked ships. At the beginning of my hike, I’ll trust someone enough with my phone to take a picture of me standing next to the hulking wreckage of the Peter Iredale at Fort Stevens State Park on the beach. To get an idea of the enormity of something this huge, you just have to stand next to it and look up. It also helps those who are looking at a picture of the thing with you standing next to it to get a better perception of it.

I love to hike, but to steal a phrase from Foghat, I love a “sidewalk under my feet.” After getting my picture taken next to the Peter Iredale, I’ll hike or take a bus (if one’s available) on over to Astoria. I hear they have a killer jazz bar there called “The Let Love Inn.” I’m sure if they don’t serve food, I’ll find some grub nearby.

I’ll find a motel somewhere nearby and get some rest. When I wake up, I’ll be ready for some serious hiking. I don’t intend to stop for play until I get to Lincoln City. I love to gamble, and Chinook Winds and Casino should reward me with good food, entertainment, and gaming. I’m sure I’ll win enough to rent a penthouse and rest up for the next leg of my hike.

After miles of walking, I’ll stop in Newport. I’ll need to do something to expand my knowledge. Maybe the Hatfield Marine Science Center will give my something to think about and fill some of the precious space in my head. But, seriously, I love all things marine. This museum is operated by Oregon State University and covers twenty acres. Live marine animals, educational displays about weather, ocean resource management, fishing, and other ocean-related topics should be enough to hold my interest for a day.

Florence will be my next venue of play. Right on the beach is Sea Lion Cave. I’m sure the sight of sea lions filling a cave with their frolicking, wallowing, playing and barking is worth the price of admission. I’ll be sure to keep my ear pods charged in case the barking is too much and gets on my nerves. I’ll also stand still long enough to catch sight of a whale from one of the observation pods outside.

I really like lighthouses. There’s plenty of them to see on this hike. I’ll find the time to visit three of them. While in Florence, I’ll definitely tour the Haceta Head Lighthouse, the most photographed lighthouse in America. The Little Brown Hen Cafe will serve to give me nutrition after this long and tiring leg of the hike. I’ve been there before and they won me over with an omelette and a side of grits and cheese.

Coos Bay will be my last stop on this hike. If I get near an ocean, I need to do some fishing. Sharky’s Charters has some impressive pics on its site, along with a bunch of five star reviews. But even if I catch zilch on the charter, a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work. I’m pretty sure ‘ol Cap’n John will show me a good time with some lean, mean, hard-tugging fish.

I’ll ask John where to find the best seafood restaurant. Hopefully he’ll tell me where to take some of my catch nearby and get it cooked and delivered steaming hot to my table. If not, I’m sure he can point me to a good restaurant. The rest of my catch I’ll give to the boat crew. If they don’t want it in their freezer, they know where to get a couple of bucks for it.

If I were serious about seeking Sasquatch, I’d go on down the coast to the California border, but Sasquatch scares me. I hear he’s friendly, but the images I’ve seen of him show that he’s just as imposing as Arnold Shwarzenegger. I’ll be tired enough by the time I’m finished with Coos Bay.

A nights sleep at a cheap hotel and a good breakfast anywhere will get me ready to call it a hike. I’ll take a bus, train, taxi, or ride share to the nearest airport. From the SLC airport, I’ll take public transit home and surprise my wife with a couple of t-shirts sporting the image of Sasquatch. She’ll love it.