Muladhara

For as far back as I can remember, there was war. I was raised in it. We ran from it. Though we could not escape it. I remember them, my mother and father. They called me Jibril, but during the few moments of peace, of serenity, they smiled and watched me, calling me Foday. Jabril Foday Sama, a name I now fully embrace, for it is who I was, who I was meant to be, and who I have become today. I no longer hide in the shadows, no longer run from my fears. There was a time when terrors of my past captured every waking moment, where I remained alone in the darkness of my mind, afraid. Fear lived within each fiber of my being. It was all surreal, completely unimaginable during those horrific days of my youth, and the unsettling, nightmarish moment when my family was taken. I remember them, their faces, their embraces, the scents of warm skin, but what lingered were the sounds, the screams, and the red that scattered our nomadic home. Unwanted remembrances of Mother Sama’s bodily remains pierced my fragile mind. I can still taste my own tears from when I buried her. Father Sama’s shouts from afar, as he yelled in fear. A fear I discovered that was for me, and not for the fact that he was taken to become enslaved for war.

I remember those moments afterwards, where I remained hidden from soldiers until nightfall. The Moon I recall was full, igniting the soil that kept me covered, kept me warm and hidden. The patter of rain against the leaves above kept my eyes wide, as the sound drowned any footsteps, and paranoia crept, it vibrated, and evolved, becoming a part of my cells. I lived in paranoia from that day onward. It was a time of uncertainty, of insecurity, of pain, and loneliness. I remember clearly when the moment arrived, when all that was lost, everything I feared, eased and drifted from my body. It was the day I found myself, my truest self, my higher self, within the safety and beauty of what the Earth provided me. I found a home within, a family who protected me, and a realization that I was not alone. I was truly content.

It is true that I lost everything during my youth, and at the time I supposed it was only natural. I was a child, but as the French raged on, killing my people, I remained hidden, as I had no desire to witness such terrors again. It was only a desire, yet never a reality. For a time there was silence, a sense of peace and stillness, but at the same time I ran and attempted to survive my own mind. The land provided nutrition, the trees and green life kept me safe from storms. I remember wishing they would keep me safe from the images that remained behind my eyelids, of my mother’s death. Complete protection was what I wanted. Unknowingly, nature provided everything I needed at the time, although I suffered, blinded from truth. I survived, yes, by utilizing the skills my family instilled in me, but I missed the comforts of their arms, their soothing words, and simply their presence.

The chaos within the wilderness between the French and my fellow Mandinkas eased over time, where I no longer had to hide when they emerged. It was strange as I hid from my own kin, as if afraid they would take me away as they had with my father. In a sense, it saddened me to continue on alone, but at the same time I wanted to be free and to find my own path. I know now that it was out of fear. But when alone, paranoia subsided slightly, I found myself speaking to nature, to the insects and the birds. As times continued to quiet, my friendship with nature grew, and in a way I felt as if I was a part of it. I lived there for so long that it was only natural that I became one with it, as it comforted me in its own manner, at least that was what I felt.

I travelled most of the forest, creating nomadic homes, remained for a time, destroyed and moved onwards. I steered clear of most of the beasts that roamed, but the elephants always intrigued me. I remember climbing trees to gaze upon them as they strolled by, or when they played in the rivers. I sat up there for hours, in the trees, and watched in fascination. Moments came where I wanted to greet them, but I knew that they were dangerous — so I thought. For they roared and bashed into one another from time-to-time, creating ruckus, seemingly so angry at one another. It reminded me of the wars, and how the humans fought over land and people. Perhaps that kept me away, even though I completely desired to be a part of their clan. In a way, I seemed to follow their paths, because they always led me to new bodies of water and rivers, as if they too were one with nature, knowing precisely where to travel, where to survive. As I followed them over the years, naturally I felt a part of them as well, and the loneliness slowly faded.

A day arrived, one I will never forget. I was living alongside a river, but my bed and belongings were above the ground and within the trees. It was a peaceful home, safe, hidden, and away from sight of anyone who boated. The elephants had continued across the water to find their new grounds, but I remained, knowing I was in a good location for a time. In a way, I made up my mind to settle for a long haul, as nature and the river provided a perfect setting for living. At the time I made the decision, it was a decision to stop tracking my elephant clan, my family in a way. I remember watching them cross the river from the bank, saying my mental goodbyes. They spoke to one another in groans and snarls, and I imagined it was their way of saying goodbye to me, as I knew they were aware of my presence all those years. Yet, I supposed my presence was not enough to completely be a part of them, to be with them. I longed for a presence, to be loved and cared for, and I found that with them as best as I was capable. I was not an elephant, so I made the decision to stop acting as one. They disappeared into the forest across the river, while I wept with my head between my knees.

When the crushing of leaves and the shaking of trees faded into the distance, where all that was heard were the birds and the rushing water, I raised my head to find a magnificent beam of light that fell over the water ahead. It ignited the ripples, it shimmered, and I remember it was a beautiful sight to see. The water sparkled in white speckles, and I watched for awhile, wiping my tears from my cheeks. Though, something caught my attention. White turned to red, and back to white repeatedly, and I narrowed my eyes in attempts to focus on the phenomenon. As it continued, I rose to my feet and walked down the bank towards the water’s edge. In the distance was something below the surface, something that seemed to be red and reflect light. At that moment, the loneliness and longing faded, as I became intrigued with what laid ahead. A part of me wanted to find out what it was, knowing fully that the water was too rapid for my fragile, thinned body. However, my feet seemed to have another idea, and they urged forwards, entering the warm river water. My eyes focused deeper into the shallows where the red shimmered, and I continued to walk forwards. A large stone embedded into the riverbed was further, but nearby, and I grasped onto it to support myself and not be swept away from the raging waters. I held on, focused on the redness in the water that seemed to glow by that point. I was just an arm length away from reaching whatever it was. I needed it, and so with one arm I held the stone, and stretched my body outwards. I knew if I held my breath, I could plunge myself downwards and reach the object. The water raged, and my eyes shifted in wonder, whether it was a good decision. It was, I thought, and I took a long deep breath, gazed where I needed to go, and broke the surface while my other arm held the stone above. The force of being submerged under the surface from the rush of the water caused my supporting hand to slip away.

The next realization was I tumbled down the river, while water engulfed my insides. I tried to swim, I tried to see, but I was unable to distinguish which way was where. Then I felt pain over my leg after a huge force bashed me into what I thought was a stone. I yelled, I screamed, I cried out for anyone, but more specifically my clan, my elephant family, as their faces flashed before my eyes. The tumbling stopped, and all I felt was the rush of water against my mangled body. Once still, I was aware of the surface, and raised my head out to catch my breath. I gasped, breathed, and blinked my eyes to clear the moisture from them.

The first sight I caught was a giant head, big floppy ears, tusks, and a large trunk from a golden brown elephant. It saved me, held me, and we gazed at one another. The sound of rushing water seemed to drift away in my mind, the pain in my leg faded to numb, and all I was aware of was the sparkle within the elephant’s gaze. In a sense, I felt safe, I felt protected, and loved. As I laid, he unwound his trunk towards me, and instinctively I raised my arms upwards as if father was picking me up. He lifted me out of the water, placed me upon the front of his head, feeling his thick, coarse hide, and walked across the water effortlessly towards the bank. When he laid me upon the sand, he gazed further, deep inside myself, and I found it comforting and peaceful. I laid my head to rest with my eyes locked onto his, completely unafraid as the massive beast stood next to me. The Sun warmed me, and with the realization of it came another: that something was within my firm grasp. I raised my hand to my face, shielding the sunlight with my fist, opened a few fingers and noticed the most magnificent treasure: a crystallized stone of pure red. A gem, one of nature that Mother Sama often told me stories about when I was young. One of power, with the abilities to harness properties of Mother Earth, of strength, balance, and the sense of being rooted to the core. I found this wonderful gift from nature, as if it was meant to be.

The fascination propped me upright, supported by an elbow, and I opened my hand completely, allowing the sunlight to glisten against and through the brilliant stone. It sparkled in the light, as I rotated it slightly while it rested upon my palm. My new friend, my savior, gargled at me, and I returned my gaze upwards and spoke to him for the first time, “it is beautiful, yes?” I paused while we gazed, admiring how magnificent he was, and how his rescue resonated within myself in that moment. I realized I could have died as the waters took me, but somehow, by some miracle, he remained to be there at that very instant, the way it was supposed to be. “Thank you,” was what I said to him, but the sincerity in my expression was fierce. He pressed the end of his snout upon my head, patted my rough hair, and then he did something unexpected: he curled his trunk around my arm and tugged on me. It surprised me, but I did not resist, and as I raised to a seated position, the pain in my leg returned. No blood, I thought, so as he tugged on me, I propelled myself up to my good leg, and the beast helped support me. I stood, one arm rested on the elephant and one grasping my gem. The pain was intense, but somehow I felt safe, I felt at peace at that very moment. I felt warmth again. I felt love. I was not alone. Finally, after all these years.

As I stood, the elephant leaned down to my level, looked at me with his giant brown eye, and flapped his ear against me. “What now my friend?” I asked kindly. He laid himself upon the bank, raised his trunk and gestured towards his back. I watched his movements, realizing I smiled once I made sense of what he was doing, what he implied, and I laughed with my breath, unable to contain my fascination and the pure happiness I had felt, which I had never experienced before, at least not since my parents lived. He wanted me to climb onto him. I was anxious, but hopped on one foot to situate myself behind his big ear. I glanced over his massive body, trying to figure out how to climb up. Almost instinctively, he ceased his ear flap and dropped it lower, where I knew what to do: grab hold and pull. So I did, and he raised me upwards, where I swung my bad leg over his back. The pain shot through me, it ached and throbbed, but I continued to situate myself over his neck. Instantly, he stood, rocking me back and forth, side-to-side, and within a brief moment, I saw the world from a different perspective. From an elephant’s perspective. Immediately, I felt a part of him, a part of his world. From that moment, I was. He saved me, he welcomed me, and at that moment he strode forwards towards his family.

He walked through the forest, deep within. I left everything behind, my belongings, but during those moments I did not care or worry. I felt an intense sensation of safety, knowing that everything would be alright with him. Somehow I knew he would keep me safe. Before I knew it, I heard rustling, stomping, and groaning elephants in the short distance ahead. I saw them through the trees and vines. In a way, it was scary, but at that moment of fear, my eyes retreated to my grasped hand, to my gem. I uncured my fingers and found the redness of the stone, a dark red, almost the color of blood. I questioned why it had not bothered me, the bloody color, but I felt and saw the beauty in it. It was calming. It gave me a sense of protection in that foreign and wild moment. A moment I was introduced into a family of raging elephants. When I lifted my eyes away from the gem, I saw more of nature’s beauty. I saw rays of sunlight beam through the trees, and a group of elephants that were calmly walking towards us. The rage vanished. It no longer existed at that moment. The beast I rode stopped walking as the others surrounded him, and they all raised their heads towards me while I gazed at each one. They kept their distance, speaking their elephant language, and I introduced myself in my raspy childish tone, “hello, I am Jabril Foday Sama.” I was amazed when they all flapped their ears towards me, as if they welcomed me. Was I a part of their family? I hoped at that moment.

It was a day when I became one with nature, or rather, when I found peace within nature, and it became a part of me. It was not my accident that I stumbled upon the red stone in the river. It was not my chance that a wild African elephant saved me from death and united all of us. It purely was the truest purpose of my entire lifeforce, my being, to be emerged into such a wild, yet peaceful world. The struggles I endured, the loneliness, the constant fear of living while surrounded by human nature was all a part of the universe’s plan for me. I was meant to go through those trials. I was meant to nearly die. I was meant to survive, thrive, and become a Sama, which I was taught as a child that meant elephant. I was born to be there, in the rainforest of Mali, to become a child of the elephants. From that day onward, I was part of their clan, their family, and I was taken care of. I was safe at last.

In memory of my father, I named my rescuer Father Sama, and he, among others, looked after me while we travelled to the coast. I healed, I was nourished, and warmed by their comforts. Throughout the days, I would watch them rest, play, search for food, and Father Sama always brought me the ripest fruits until I was able to forage for myself. At night, I would curl beside him, tucked between his stomach and legs, and he was always careful with me. They all were careful. It was comforting when I realized it. A time came when I was able to walk on my own, and when that time came, I was running with them, climbing trees and jumping on their backs. It was all play, it was all fun. I loved being with them. I loved them. They were my family, and referred to them in my mind as family Sama. Everything was peaceful, everything seemed beautiful, and it was. I thoroughly enjoyed my life in those moments, and the fears of my past faded away. Of course the nightmares continued, but the comforts of the elephants and my red gem soothed me, and reminded me that I was safe. Until we reached the coast, where shortly after reaching it, chaos unleashed.

I remember the night it all happened, as clearly as I remember the night Mother Sama was killed and father was taken. We rested along the treeline between the forest and the beach. It was dark, but the Moon shone brightly above, illuminating the Earth enough where I saw the boat arrive from the sea. I sat up, stirred by the presence of humans, and instinctively I reached for Father Sama, my protector, to wake him. He groaned while he slept, and then there was a loud crack, a flash of light in the distance, gunfire. I will never forget the cry of an elephant, the raging scream that he produced, and will never forget the sound of a dying elephant, while he took its last long breath. I pushed upon him while I kneeled beside his motionless body. Though, there was no life, no breath, just stillness. I had not realized the others scattered into the forest, while I sat beside my savior, my father in the form of a magnificent elephant, as he laid to rest.

The killers emerged upon the beach, where I heard their footsteps approach from behind me. I remained kneeled, waiting, shaken, yet not fearful of what was to come. The need to flee dissipated from myself, and I faced my fears as the French hunter turned me around to face him. He spoke to me in a foreign language, but I still remember the words. I saw his face, one of softness, of worry, but at the same time, of greed and that of unnatural human characteristics. A face I will never forget. I replied, “he was my father, Father Sama, and you killed him.” The Frenchman gazed at me in the dark. I saw his dark eyes pierce through my own, his face softened further as he patted my shoulder, and then I was taken. The last memory I have of Father Sama was witnessing his stale body resting upon the beach from the boat. I sat there with my head against my knees, staring out towards him, vowing that I would save the family that saved me.

The years following that moment, I remained kept amongst the humans in a strange world. My gem was taken from me, my families taken from me, and at the time, all that was left of me was my torn mind, with the flesh and bones that encompassed it. I was alone again, haunted by nightmares, with no comforts. I missed home. The people told me I did not belong out there in the forest, and were surprised how I lived so long among the elephants. It was not natural, they said. It was not the way of the people. Then I discovered the true reason, which was that they hunted the elephants for their tusks. As I grew, the hunts grew, and eventually the region bore the name Côte d’Ivoire, which in French translates to Ivory Coast — ivory was what my family’s tusks were made of. For years, I suffered alone, unlike my peers, unlike anyone who resided within the village I was kept. Knowing my family was dying destroyed me, and I hid in darkness and shadow, uncertain if I could ever emerge.

In the beginning, I begged for my gem, knowing it brought me comfort and was the last thing I possessed from the forest, and a reminder of who I became. The days passed, the months, and eventually years, but no gem was ever returned to me. The night I accepted the fact I would never see it again, was a night of the full Moon, similar to the nights when my families were taken, and I dreamt of the forest, my mother and father, and the elephants. They surrounded me, comforted me, and the moonlight beamed into my palms, where I held the red gem, and it ignited, shimmered, and radiated in all directions. My sight followed each direction that it shined, where I found it beamed into the eyes of everyone, it lit the trees, the fruits, and gleamed into the eyes of the critters that hid in the shadows. It was as if the light came from me, and I was connected to every part of them, a part of nature, of life that revolved around me. When I raised my cusped hands to gaze upon the stone, it was gone. Quickly, I glanced around, noticing I radiated instead, and as I admired the brilliance, it spread, along the soil, amongst the trees and life that accompanied me. The light had come from me. It was always within myself, and I simply had to be shown.

When I woke, calmness caressed my mind, and a sense of knowing was instilled within. I knew what I needed to do, who I needed to become, and that was Jibril Foday Sama. Someone I always was, as it was rightfully inside me the entire time. I remember the vow I took that horrific night, the vow of becoming a savior for my kind, my elephant kind, and made another vow: that I would seek for my truer self once again, to learn all I could about elephants, and educate those who sought after ivory in hope to put an end to the madness of murder. It was as if I truly woke from a deep sleep, wearing a new set of eyes, with an entirely new state-of-mind. I was awake, and I read every book I could get my hands on. Instead of sulking by the treelines that separated the village and forest, I meditated, listening to nature, and connected with it. It eased me, brought me answers to my difficulties, and I continued on outside of darkness. I embraced the light, the redness within my core, and it surged throughout my being. I became mentally unstoppable.

The years passed, I grew, as did the wars between man and elephant. However, with my retained knowledge about wildlife, the love I carried for it, and a heart full of desire put an end to the killing, I spread the word through Mali and throughout Africa. I travelled, spoke to others about my cause, told them my story, and built a following of individuals who shared my passion. Together, we built a refuge within the Ivory Coast, dedicated to elephants to roam free without the fear of being hunted. One individual who joined our cause was my father, who learned of it through his former master, who set him free after the Mandinka Wars, and he found me, reunited once again after so many years. The moment he arrived in a village I resided in, I saw his face, knowing precisely who he was. I never forgot his expression when he was taken. I also will never forget the smile that rose from his lips when he walked towards me, when he embraced me, and said he was proud of who I was. To this day, father Sama and I live amongst the elephants. We care for them, as they care for us. I became exactly who I was meant to be, and am no longer afraid, for I am happier than ever, as I found my peace, the serenity within and around, and no longer fear my past. I became fearless, at least in a sense that I knew how to manage fears, emotion, and anything challenging. I learned to look at my obstacles head on, and to be brave, to embrace them, to accept them. I love myself. I love who I became.