A New Life

Blake shot awake in the middle of the night with the feeling that she was suffocating. She grabbed at her neck as she fought to fill her lungs with air. Slowly, she regained control of her breath and her body stopped shaking as she began to calm down. She couldn’t remember when these panic attacks had begun but they were becoming more common.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so Blake grabbed a small shoebox from under her bed and walked to the living room. She settled into the couch and removed the lid to reveal a small black notebook that had a sealed envelope nestled between its pages, like a bookmark.

Blake removed the book and ran her hands over the leather cover. She wasn’t surprised to feel a tear slide down her cheek as she was overtaken by the memory of her brother, Max, giving her the notebook when she had graduated from college five years ago.

“It’s your very own adventure log so when I drag you to far-flung places, you can write about them and remember them!” Max explained. His eyes were searching Blake’s face to see if she liked the gift while he pulled his own black notebook from his back pocket. His was dirty and frayed with pages missing and sand stuck in the binding.

“I started mine with a bucket list,” he said as he flipped to the front page and revealed a list with many of the lines crossed out, including bungee jump, befriend an elephant, and fall in love.

Blake snapped back to reality and opened her own notebook to the first page, which had the message that Max had inscribed all those years ago: “Welcome to the real world! Always remember to do things that scare you because the world starts outside your comfort zone. I love you.”

Blake had created a small bucket list like Max had suggested but as she read it now, she realized that she had not done a single thing on the short list. Annoyed at herself, she grabbed the letter that was nestled between the book’s pages.

It had been three years since she had received the letter, which had arrived the week after Max had passed away. Inside the letter were the last words that her brother would ever say to her and she hadn’t been able to open it as she couldn’t face the idea that they wouldn’t live up to her expectations.

But, after taking a deep breath, she decided it was finally time to read it. She ripped open the envelope, pulled out a slip of paper, and let out a surprised yelp when she realized it was a check for $20,000. There was nothing else in the envelope, no note or anything. She flipped the check over and found a small green post-it stuck to the back.

“I think you’ve been in that comfort zone long enough. Wang Xiu Ying can help with that,” the note said. Below the name, there was a long telephone number.

Blake’s heart pounded as she entered the numbers into her cellphone and sent a text message that said, “Hello, is this Wang Xiu Ying? My brother, Max Gold, gave me this number.”

She was surprised to receive a reply moments later. “This text came about three years later than I thought it would! Do you have any vacation time from work?”

Blake was taken aback by the question but figured that Max must have given her this person’s number for a reason. “I get a month of time off but I haven’t taken any yet.”

“Perfect, I’ve just booked you a ticket from Boston to Beijing for next Monday. Can’t wait to finally meet you! I’ll be at the airport when you arrive. Safe flight!”

Blake’s jaw dropped but before she could respond to explain that there had clearly been some type of misunderstanding, Wang Xiu Ying had sent the ticket confirmation.

As the Air China flight descended into Beijing, Blake tried to forget the disapproval and complaints that her fiance, parents, and friends had been constantly flooding her with since she told them about the trip.

She had deposited the $20,000 into her account and so, worst case, she would simply buy a return ticket home, get back to her life, and forget that this had ever happened.

After clearing customs and immigration, Blake was overwhelmed by the crowd of people in the arrivals hall. She looked around frantically and was relieved when she saw a young woman around her age staring at her questioningly while holding a white piece of paper with “Blake Gold, Welcome!!!” written neatly on it.

“Wang Xiu Ying?” Blake asked hesitantly.

“Oh my god, Blake!” The girl threw her arms around Blake. “It’s so great to finally meet you! Max never stopped talking about you!” The girl laughed and Blake was surprised by how beautiful her smile was. “Please, call me Ying.”

“Um, I’m still not really sure how you knew my brother,” Blake conceded.

“Max and I met at Tufts and we continued to link up when he traveled around Asia. God, we had so many amazing adventures together. He always wanted to get you out here and I swore to him before he passed that I would take you. Thank god you finally texted!”

Ying took Blake’s suitcase and rolled it with one hand while pulling Blake along with the other. She led the way through the airport and into a black car that was waiting for them.

“Our first stop is Max’s favorite spot in all of China. Since you’re his sister, it’s safe to assume you also like camping, right?”

Blake felt a pit forming in her stomach as she realized she was in way over her head. “Um, no, well I don’t know,” she conceded. “I’ve never been. Max was the adventurous one in our family. The free spirit. I’m just a normal person. I go to work, I go home, I hang with my fiance and my friends.”

“Oh my god, this is going to be even better than I thought!” Ying responded excitedly. “You’re going to be a new woman by the time I’m done with you!”

Blake didn’t know how to respond so she looked out the window and silently cursed Max in her head. Why was he always trying to push her out of her comfort zone? She liked it there.

Almost two hours later, the car slowed to a stop in front of a small hut in the middle of nowhere.

“Come on!” Ying said excitedly as she grabbed two unfamiliar backpacks out of the trunk. Blake went to get her own suitcase but Ying told her to leave it.

Ying lifted one of the heavy bags onto Blake’s shoulders and then swung the other onto her own back. She gave Blake another encouraging smile before leading the way towards a poorly marked path.

An hour of hiking later, Blake had had enough. She was furious with herself. She couldn’t believe she had left her comfortable life to come here and get disgusting in the woods in the middle of nowhere with someone she didn’t even know. She was just about to suggest they turn back when Ying pointed to their left and said, “Well, what do you think?”

Blake nearly fell off the mountain they had been climbing. Her eyes followed the seemingly endless path of the Great Wall of China as it snaked through the fall foliage.

“Let's set up camp before sunset,” Ying suggested. Blake was too awestruck to respond so she simply nodded slowly as they stepped off the path and onto the Great Wall.

“Mao Zedong said you aren’t a true person until you’ve been to the Great Wall. So, if you had ‘become a true person’ on your bucket list, you can finally check that off!”

“Max told you about the bucket lists?” Blake asked.

“Of course!” Ying exclaimed as she settled down beside Blake. She offered Blake the plate of lamb kebabs she had just cooked as they watched the sun set with a brilliant orange glow.

“There’s barely anything on my list,” Blake conceded. “I’m not like Max. He was so brave and adventurous. I just don’t have that in me.”

“Well, you’re currently camping on the Great Wall with a stranger, so I’d say you seem pretty damn adventurous to me. Let me see what you’ve got!”

Blake hesitated before removing her notebook from her back pocket. She was surprised that it no longer looked brand new. The journey had bent it out of shape and it was starting to look more like Max’s had. She handed it to Ying.

“I have a proposition for you,” Ying said simply. “I’m about to set off on a six-month trip and I would like to know if you want to come with me.”

Blake knew she couldn’t. She had to get back to work and to her fiance. Her parents would never let her, anyways. So, Blake was shocked when she heard herself say yes.

“Amazing!” Ying squealed and leaned into Blake. “Do you know how to ride a motorcycle? It’s no problem if you don’t. I can teach you! And we can buy you a fixer-upper. I’m thinking we will ride through China for a while and then head down to South East Asia.”

A motorcycle? Ying was clearly crazy, Blake realized. She bent down to retrieve her notebook but the wind had blown the cover open and she saw her brother’s handwritten advice. “The world starts outside your comfort zone.” She realized that this was exactly how Max had wanted her to spend the money he had given her.

Blake and Ying spent the night outside of their tent with their sleeping bags next to each other on the hard, stone wall. They pointed out constellations in the stars while recounting their favorite memories of Max.

Once Ying drifted off to sleep, Blake used the flashlight to illuminate her adventure log. She grabbed a pen and wrote out “Adventure #1:” before the words began pouring out of her. And then, she tried her best to sketch the great wall with its two overnight guests, just as she was seeing it, as it glowed under the moonlight.

Four months later, Ying and Blake had become inseparable and had parked their motorcycles among the thousands of temples in Bagan, Myanmar. They removed their shoes and climbed up one of the tallest temples so they could see the sun rise over the ancient stone structures that stretched as far as their eyes could see. Just as the sun broke over the horizon, hundreds of hot air balloons appeared in the sky.

Blake was sketching the scene on the last page of her small black notebook, which somehow looked even more beat up than Max’s ever had. Its pages were filled with stories, sketches, and memories of her brother.

“I think it’s time that I give this to you,” Ying said quietly.

She dug into her backpack and pulled out Max’s old adventure log. Blake hesitated to take it. It made her brother seem so real like he was still alive.

“The first time I met you, you said you were nothing like Max. But I think this would beg to differ.”

Ying thumbed through the pages until she found the one she was looking for and Blake saw her brother's own sketch of the hot air balloons floating over Bagan that bore a striking resemblance to the one she had been creating.

Blake felt tears slide down her cheeks as she leaned into Ying, kissed her gently, and then cuddled into her open arms.

Blake realized that she hadn’t woken up with the feeling that she was suffocating since she had left her old life, and she had no intention of going back.