Phoenix

The tattoo titled “Phoenix” was inspired by an autobiographical piece called “Stand In Your Body” which conveys empowerment, vulnerability, and a graceful strength that only women can have to directly contrast the two archetypes of the "delicate flower" and the "sex symbol". The chakra watercolors represent "Stand In Your Body". Highly saturated colors create a backdrop for white hibiscus flowers which represent the beauty in rebirth and the scent used to nurture femininity and healing from sexual assault.

Dots by the eyes represent the beginning of an awakening and seeing my true self. Dots by the mouth represent allowing myself the space to speak my truth (past, present, future) and express my true self without fear of self judgement. The hair style is a representation of my heritage on the right, the female Gaelic warrior, and my spirit animal on the left, the mermaid or Selkie. All three figures fight back and defend themselves when they or those they care about are threatened.

The upper necklace is in honor of one of my therapists. She was the woman who broke through my stubbornness, who helped me embrace my imperfections, who held a mirror up to my true self, and helped me embrace my goddessness. The lower necklace is my grandmothers. She taught me that I can be whatever and whomever I want to be. Just smile when people underestimate you so you can get started sooner rather than waste time trying to change their mind. I've been hiding from and afraid of my abilities so a little Grandma power and honoring her message felt important.

Black and white to represent truth and honesty. Grays convey malleability and that life isn’t one or the other, it can be both simultaneously. Rainbow fire vibes felt like a rebirth from ash in an enlightened way rather than a hardened bitter way.

In “Stand In Your Body”, I embrace renegotiating my relationship with my body.

Recently, I realized that I harbor guilt and shame towards my body and have been punishing my body in a variety of ways for many things it didn't do and shouldn't be blamed for.

I feel shame from the comments and actions of women. I feel guilt for the comments and actions of men. I deserve better, especially from myself. The shaming first began in junior high with pokes, pinching, assumptions that I must have an ED because I’m thinner, people watching me eat entire meals and then following me through lunch to ensure I wasn’t purging. This type of behavior by others has continued into my adulthood.

A week or so before I decided to make this piece, a family friend lifted my shirt and said “you are so skinny” and then offered me food. It was well intended and even though I had just finished lunch, I agreed. However, instead of going back to eating double portions to gain weight until summer ended I decided to stop shaming my body and embrace it by putting it out there.

Women have said:

“It’s not fair that you are thin and don’t have to do anything.”

“You’re body is perfect so you’re not allowed to complain about how hard it is to love your body.”

“What do you eat in a day?”

“How often do you workout?”

“Let me see you eat. If you don’t it proves to me that you have an eating disorder.”

“Let me see your ribs.”

“Women who look like you are always dumb, stupid girls who want attention from men.”

Men have said:

“How does it feel knowing women are jealous of you.”

“You’re body is perfect but if you get fat we’ll have to break up.”

“What do you eat in a day?”

“How often do you workout?”

“Let me see your body. If you don’t it proves you’re a prude or that you’re not confident.”

“Women who look like you are always dumb, stupid girls who want attention from men.”

I choose not to absorb these messages of hate any more.

I choose to embrace the beautiful and the socially unacceptable parts of me.

I choose to be free.