I love you (but it’s not enough)

“Take it off.”

The words rang hollow in the heavy silence of the room. The grey light that filtered through the bedroom window, showed John’s hunched over silhouette, as he sat, hands clasped and resting on his elbows, on the edge of the bed, the satin beneath him crumpled and dishevelled. Hours earlier, he had kicked off his shoes and laid on that cover, excited for the evening ahead. He had marvelled at the softness of the sheets. Beneath his numb hands now, they felt like nothing.

Ahead in the gloom, he could barely make out Marie, as she hovered in the doorway, unsure of her welcome. At his words though, her eyes raised from their downcast position to stare at him, while her hands twitched nervously, carding through the ends of her brown locks.

“W-what?” She stuttered, caught off guard after the long silence that had descended when she followed him up to their hotel room from the party, racing to catch up with his furious strides.

“I said, take it off.” His eyes narrowed now, anger bubbling to the surface. “You’re still wearing the goddamm ring, take it off!”

“Oh.” She uttered softly, stretching out her left hand to gaze at the cold, sparkling ring that rested there. “I’m - I’m sorry, I hadn’t realised it was still there, after what happe-“

John exploded upwards from the bed, surging towards her, cutting off the halting explanation to grip her hand tightly. Ignoring the noise of pain she made, he yanked it from her finger, turning away from the sight of her cradling the now red hand.

“I am sorry John, honestly. I had no idea- I thought it was just a family party, I didn’t know what you had planned, I promise!” She reaches out to him, pleading, hoping she could somehow make him understand, show him that this devastation could spell out anything but the end of them.

Her hand halted as the low, ugly words filled the air between them. “So you thought you would just humiliate me? In front of all my family, our friends?! Do you have any idea how much my sister spent on that champagne, how many people my mother told? You’ve made me a laughing stock!” His voice raised to a bellow as he released his frustrations on her, his hurt that still cut as deep as when she dropped his hand in the middle of the room and left. Left him with the whispers, frozen in place, kneeling on cold marble. Left him to hide outside, where he found her when he finally made himself move, halting steps taking him from the states the pity.

For the first time though, she did not shrink from him. Marie drew herself up to her full height and set her shoulders. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I didn’t ask you to propose! I can’t help that I’m not ready, what else could I have done!”

John stared at her baffled. “I don’t get it though, we’ve talked about marriage and our plans and-“

“No, you’ve talked about it John!” She interrupted fiercely, slashing a hand out through the air. “And everytime you did I told you! I told you I wasn’t ready, that we were too young! I know we’ve been together for 5 years, but we were 16 when we started dating. I’m only 21 John, I’m not ready to start that part of my life! I told you that, but you never listened, you never heard me! You just brushed it aside because it didn’t fit your plans. Just like you do with everything about me you don’t like. I know you feel embarrassed, but have you thought about how I feel?”

He looked at her carefully now, struck silent by the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

“Everyone there was your family, John, you friends. I had no one. You didn’t invite my parents, probably because we both know you look down on them. My friends weren’t there because you think they’re trashy. You just made your speech and put the ring on me before I could even start to breath again! And god they all must have thought I was such a bitch when I said no, I could see it all over their faces. As if I didn’t feel bad enough! That wasn’t okay, to ask me like that, in front of all those people, when you knew I didn’t want it!” She panted, slightly out of breath from her passionate rant, watching as his stunned expression crumpled before her.

“But, I love you.” He said in a small, almost young voice. “I want you to be mine forever, to never leave you. That’s the perfect reason to get married “

“I know.” She sobbed. “And I love you. But I don’t think it’s enough. I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to get married. And I don’t think loving you is a good enough reason to stay when all you try to do is change me.”

Wiping her eyes on the back of her hand, she bent to retrieve her bag from where they had flung it earlier that day, excited to be spending the night in a fancy hotel.

She turned and made her way towards the door, hesitating as she reached it and heard his voice whisper across the divide between them.

“But who will love you if not me?”

Her grip on the door knob tightened, and she cast a mournful look back at him.

“I will. That’s good enough for me. I’m sorry John.”

He watched her go.