Gold Diggers: The Maliciously Compliant Employees of the Patriarchy

When I first joined Tik Tok in 2020, the algorithm quickly figured out that I was a feminist and feminist content creators routinely showed up on my For You Page. This was not surprising to me, as I follow and engage with feminist content on most of my social media accounts. For me, what was different on Tik Tok was the Pro Gold-Digger content that seemed to flourish there. When I saw Shera Seven’s videos, my initial reaction was to swipe away. Shera Seven is a content creator who focuses on dating advice for women interested in dating rich men. I thought the algorithm was so bad it was just showing me any woman content creators because I had registered as a woman.

No way these women are feminists, I thought as I swiped away. I am an American Xennial (born 1977-1983) and I was taught that being a gold digger was one the worst things a woman could choose to be. In a post first-wave feminism world, there was no “honor” in the life of a gold digger. The Boomer women had warned us about the traps of being dependent on a man for money. We read The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan as a cautionary tale of what that life was like for our grandmothers.

Xennial women grew up watching talk show hosts give women lie detector tests to see if they were “gold diggers” or really with their partner for “love.” The manipulative gold-digging woman is still a trope on many scripted and semi-scripted reality TV shows. My generation even rewarded Kanye West with a hit song about gold diggers because we were so indoctrinated. Even just typing that out now makes me cringe, but this was so ingrained in me as a teenager that it has been my viewpoint for most of my life. Until very recently.

As I continued to use Tik Tok and it was still showing me Shera Seven’s content, I decided to watch a couple of videos. I listened with an open mind trying to understand why she was so popular. By the way, Shera Seven is not the only content creator who creates this type of content, but she was my entry into changing my viewpoint. Shera Seven’s major point is that gold diggers do nothing but play the patriarchal game that men set up ages ago.

So why do men hate them? I think it is because they are maliciously compliant employees in the patriarchy. Malicious compliance is a form of passive resistance where people follow instructions precisely, knowing that doing so exposes flaws in a system. Gold diggers inherently reflect the power imbalance of patriarchy back to men. As a feminist I believe gold diggers have an important role to play in dismantling the patriarchy and they should not be shamed for being gold diggers by other women. (Men, either, but this is for the ladies.)

In our American patriarchy, a “traditional” wife is in the role of maintaining her family home while being financially supported by her husband. A woman must meet certain criteria to be considered “fit” for the patriarchy to be considered an “honorable” wife. Those criteria are: physical attractiveness, loyalty to her husband, being a mother, and labor for her husband or labor that indirectly benefits him (i.e., working outside the home).

Gold diggers are usually overqualified in the physical appearance requirement and they meet all the other requirements of the patriarchy for an “honorable” woman except for one: labor. Labor is the true cost of women to have anything in a patriarchal society. Whether it be money, freedom or even for rights we consider inherent like bodily autonomy, labor is the price women pay to simply exist in patriarchal societies.

I am not arguing that any wealthy woman who stays home is not doing any type labor. They are likely doing the emotional, mental, and childrearing labor of the house even if they choose not to do the physical labor like cooking and cleaning.

Gold diggers, however, are not doing the amount of physical labor men think women should be doing to be a part of “their” society. Wealthy women usually have hired help in the home. Gold diggers found the loophole to the labor requirement because they are overqualified for men’s physical appearance requirement. They do a lot to make sure they look good, which is an investment of a lot of time and money. They give men what they want. Men want to impress other men with a beautiful wife so they promise a beautiful woman freedom from labor if they can financially afford it. They prioritize their pride in their wife’s physical appearance over the labor requirement.

Misogynists defend traditional or “trad” wife social media content because this content glorifies and romanticizes the labor requirement. Social media “trad” wife content creators never talk about the power they have given up to live their “traditional” lifestyle. This is glaringly obvious when specifically compared to childfree social media content creators. Look at a social media post of any single, childfree woman talking about the inanities of her day. Even if her post has low engagement, there will be at least one man in the comment section making it clear he does not like her. Both gold diggers and childfree women have a certain autonomy and free agency in patriarchal society that “traditional” women do not. That gives them power and misogynists feel insecure about that.

Misogynists hate the power gold diggers are given in society. That is why they hate “simps” or men they consider “simpletons.” Simps are the men who allow gold diggers to have access to power in a patriarchal society. Especially in a patriarchal society based in Capitalism like the United States. Money is king so once these women have access to money, they automatically have access to power most women do not. And all because they played the men’s game using rules the men created. I applaud them.

As women, we should never join men in shaming gold diggers. Gold digger is the go-to insult for misogynists when they are attacking any confident, conventionally attractive woman who is being financially supported by her partner. It is their “last resort” shaming tactic. Their favorite shame tactic being a woman’s appearance (i.e., weight, hair, skin tone in communities of color, etc.). Second, being a woman’s relationship status or sex life. Third, is motherhood (any topic). And lastly, financial status, whether a woman is wealthy or poor.

Women who choose not to be gold diggers should not be shaming our maliciously compliant sisters for reflecting the reality of patriarchy back to men. I understand being envious of someone who has it easier in our society simply because of the way they look but always think about who set that system up. Do you think taking your frustrations out on these women will have any effect on the inequities in our society? Do you want to behave similarly to the misogynists in their comment section?

We all have our own issues with self-esteem and self-worth that we have to work through as women growing up in a society that devalues us every chance it gets. We are raised to not like our bodies and it takes a lot of work to unpack that self-hate. Try not to take this frustration out on other women who are suffering with the same oppressor as you.

If you argue against being a gold digger for safety reasons, I understand that viewpoint too. I would also counter that dating men in a patriarchy is inherently dangerous either way, so you always have to use your discernment when dealing with cis het men. The crime statistics do not lie.

FBI Crime Data explorer: https://cde.ucr.cjis.gov/LATEST/webapp/#/pages/home

Being a gold digger does not mean you lower your standards because a man has money, it means you have an additional higher financial requirement for your partner. It means you know your worth.

I, as a middle-aged feminist, would like to thank Shera Seven and the Pro Gold-Digging feminists on the socials for opening my mind and bringing me into a new era of my feminism. I feel more aligned with letting women choose their own path than any other time I have called myself a feminist. And for many reasons, when the song “Gold Digger” comes on now, it just doesn’t hit like it used to.