Do All Men Cheat??

I finally met a guy that could potentially be “the one.” We have talked for hours over the phone every day. We face timed. We texted constantly, all throughout the day. We discussed serious things like marriage, kids, and future plans. He told me that he was intrigued by me. He is out of state until next weekend because of his military position. I have never felt this close to someone I have not actually met in person.

Then his phone made a noise during our phone conversation. It was like a buzz, some sort of notification. I assumed it was a message, but it was kind of late. I inquired, delicately and casually. He told me his phone was dying, at 10%. My intuition was waving immediate red flags. It had not been the first buzz. It was entirely possible that his phone was dying this time though. It is not something major to freak out about.

But then it kept happening. I didn’t care if he was receiving messages. It was the lying about it that triggered red flags. I receive messages constantly. I am super quick to answer when asked, because it is my friends, my sister, or my mom. To lie about receiving messages implies that there is something to hide.

We had the conversation about being exclusive already. It was his idea. Therefore, I’m entitled to feel some type of way about secret notifications disguised as constant dying phone alerts. I have always been told, “when it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” So, is this the big crash & burn warning sign? I’m definitely counting it as red flag #1.

My friend, Imogen, and I went over it all. She had an interesting perspective. Her standpoint was that “all men cheat.”

Is that really true?

In this era of time, technology certainly provides an avenue for anyone interested in cheating. The possibilities are limitless with hook up sites, secret-hiding apps, phone encryptions, etc. It really destroys the challenge of hiding secret lovers, because even a complete idiot could figure out how to cheat.

Years ago, before it was so easy, men were notorious for cheating on wives. Eventually women became just as likely, of course, but we won’t dive that deep into equal rights and history. It was not something that ended a marriage. Families stayed together, practically ignored the misbehaviors. I still to this day have older aunts that basically shun me for being an independent, single mother. Life is supposed to revolve around a husband. There is no dating after you have a child. The child is your entire life. Shame on me for telling unnecessary men to kick rocks and avoiding marriage like the plague.

Dr. Kelly Campbell wrote an article on the psychology of cheating. She stated that “More than 90 percent of Americans believe infidelity is unacceptable, yet 30 to 40 percent of people engage in it.” She elaborates with the fact that men are more likely to cheat than women, due to testosterone. Of course, there are more detailed factors like relationship reasons, religiosity, and even political orientation.

If she is correct, then 30 or 40 percent is an extremely low number. That is less than 50% of people engaging in infidelity. Therefore, not all men can possible be cheaters by some sort of innate characteristic forcing them to think with the wrong head.

Will my guy fall into that 30-40% of cheaters, assuming that is an accurate scale? We’ll see.

But how do you test this? What are the clear boundaries when it comes to facts versus intuition? I suppose there are none. As women, we MUST trust our intuition. If it seems like a red flag, it probably is. Although it may seem small and unclear, sometimes even petty, it still exists. The presence of these little warnings our brain perceives as red flags should not be entirely ignored. Something inside is triggered for a reason, no matter how small. We cannot give them an assessment test to calculate a percentage on how likely they are to crush our hearts. We have to trust our instincts.

What do we do with this information though? With this example, I actually directly asked him. Well, I more so told him about my conversation with Imogen, and the fact that him lying about his notifications brought the subject up. INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, he did not deny nor concur whether or not he had lied about it! He just listened and insured me that he was definitely not a cheater. So, was that a smart move? Now he knows that I thought that. If it was something he was trying to hide, he can turn his notifications off because he knows it made me think about these things. If he is serious about me and was receiving secret messages, he may just stop because he doesn’t want to gamble with me becoming a flight risk. Had I not mentioned it, we could have continued on without the confrontation. I would either found out later the reason for the secret messages, or it would just come to past.

I do not believe that all men cheat. I will study it further as I finish my Psychology degree. As humans, no matter the gender, we adapt to surroundings and circumstances. Our sexual and emotional instincts can be entirely circumstantial. We cannot say that “all men cheat,” anymore than we can say that “all women are faithful.” Each individual is fully capable of his/her own outcomes with each situation, testosterone influenced or not. Temptation has no stereotypes. It can be presented in many different ways, to many different individuals. Choices and reactions are the individual’s factors when it comes to infidelity.