Body, I See you Are Ready

It's Autumn

In more ways than one. A few years ago now, my body started to speak to me in new and different ways. The rush of the moon tide of my bleeding is coming heavier, way heavier. And then it recedes and disappears for a few moons. Giving me time to contemplate. Giving me time to remember all the Life this womb has carried. So much life and love in these bones, following the rhythms of my heart and mind, of my womb and body. So many seasons.

The spaces between my bones have begun to feel a little heavier, they want to soften. Morning yoga and movement has started to change.. My body's desire to go slower and stay longer is showing me new ways to explore and listen to the openings and the contractions of my breath and body. I feel my hips want to empty out.. root down and feel the weight of the Earth, to fully give in, allowing my muscles to carry my bones closer to Her magnetic pull.

I make space. To meet this part of my life.

I have found some nourishing tea that soothes the sometimes nervous places within my heart that are realising the time has come. Along with the new grey hairs, are the lines. These lines that mark the smiles and the laughter that have moved this body. The tears and the longing this body has known. I'm taking time to listen to my younger self and her stories about how many wonderful adventures and experiences she has lived. How deeply she has loved life and been loved by it, how she has held her lovers so deeply in her womb.

This is a full life filled with so many tendrils, so many memories, so much love. This womb has held it all, all but a child. It is now dawning that this womb will not carry the flame of life. Not this time, not this womb. Like an eternal child, to this life I have answered the call of my womb heart around the world. Teaching Learning Sharing. Communities, cities, retreats, alone. There is so much ripeness. There is so much life.

I feel the ancient one within me too, she is as strong as my child and as present. They are the two sides of the same coin. Two opposites yet each so deeply connected. They know each other well and they speak often in unison, guiding my innocence and my wisdom. Discovery is in every step.

The mothering in me is something I have given to myself in many instances, to my friends and lovers, to my family and to the strangers along the way. There is always a place for mothering. To listen and share moments of tenderness and trust that make us the human feeling beings we are. To share in the pain and the ecstasy of living this life as well as the more cyclical daily routines that make up the days.

Wandering has been a way of life. Somehow I Know it was written somewhere, in my auric body, the spirit contracts I signed before coming here or simply in the way my being chose. To be free.. forever free. I thought someday I would settle down somewhere, with a sweet man and find ground. Bring little ones in. But this is not what was written. The journey of following myself has become a lifetime, the calling to become as present as I can to what is alive. In my heart. In my connections. In how I show up here. And this always leads me onwards.

49 years on this Earth. The next will be a landmark. My body is ready to let go. To let go of the duty and blessing of bleeding with the moon, telling her stories through my blood. All the cycles and seasons of sharing with her what I learn and discover, what changes and grows with each moon.. and the next.. and the one after that .. for all of these years.

It is my time to change.

So, now, the Grandmothers whisper in my ear. They whisper to me through my bones and blood, my breath and the touch of my skin, when I listen. They say that it is time to hold the blood. They honour me for keeping the mystery of Life moving through me all of these seasons, flowing with the moons. She, The Great Mother, thanks you too they smile, for the blessing way. For releasing like the leaves.. for letting go is as much a gift to you as it is to her.

Worry not they lovingly say, there is a new dance to begin now with Gaia, and we will meet you there.

I sip on the slightly bitter infusion on this autumn day, as the leaves fall outside in their gentle surrendered way. I feel it in my bones. The readiness to let go... along with the leaves.

Every cycle comes with its gifts and with its burdens. Such is the wisdom of the Earth and Her seasons. Her elements and cycles of life and death.

I can do this. I say. My body says. And we exhale.