Best Friends Forever

Have you ever heard that saying, men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Of course, you have, we all have; it’s one of those household statements. As a woman, I literally can’t wrap my brain around what men think about in a day, but I also found that up until I became an adult, I also had a very hard time relating to other women. Throughout my years in school, I had a hard time maintaining friendships with girls, in fact, it wasn’t until my freshman year of high school that I actually managed to make and maintain a girl-friend for the entirety of a year or more. Why does any of that matter?

I didn’t know it then, but women developing and having relationships with other women is actually central to us leading happy and fulfilling lives. It has a larger influence on the course of our happiness than our romantic relationships with men even. There have been multiple studies conducted that suggest that maintaining female friendships lowers your blood pressure and substantially decreases your experience of stress. Looking back now at myself when I wasn’t able to develop those friendships, I can definitely say it was probably one of the loneliest times of my life, and believe it or not, loneliness also ties directly into your mortality.

In fact, an article by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Ph.D., a psychologist at Brigham Young University says, “There is robust evidence that social isolation and loneliness significantly increase the risk for premature mortality, and the magnitude of the risk exceeds that of many leading health indicators.” Essentially the article goes on to say that loneliness can rival obesity and even smoking as a health risk.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably found that as you’ve gotten older it’s become easier to make friends but harder to actually maintain those friendships. You often find yourself getting distracted by life and forgetting to respond to that text or send that birthday card and then one day you realize it’s been a couple of years since you’ve spoken to your best friend. I’ve found that one of the greatest parts about female friendships is that no matter how long it has been, no matter what has happened in life, we can always pick right back up where we left off.

I think that’s the true magic of friendship. Knowing that someone will always be there for you to vent to, or cry with, or just for a drink and a laugh. When a woman truly has your back that is a presence that you carry with you everywhere you go, no matter what. Our intuition empowers us and bonds us together. Urban Dictionary even has a term for this: “Bestie intuition”, and believe me, it’s real. I can’t tell you how many times in a week I go to text my best friend and she responds saying, “I was just about to text you”. This connection is tangible and as naturally intuitive creatures, women can genuinely feel when their loved ones need them.

So what’s the point of this story? Well, I guess to say this: I know it can be intimidating trying to make friends with other women, but you should do it anyway. Not only will it have a profound impact on your day-to-day happiness, but it will also genuinely improve your health and potentially even add years to your life. I know in the middle of a pandemic the knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Well how am I supposed to meet people?” The kicker is that the benefits come from the relationship itself, you don’t actually have to “meet” them. This is not to say that you shouldn’t meet them, but if you are genuinely concerned for your health or just not in a position to go anywhere online communities are always an option.

I know that it can be hard to know where to start, so here are some pointers:

-Think about what you like to do and what you enjoy and make a list. Once you have that list do some searching on Facebook and join a couple of groups that are centered around those hobbies or activities. Some of the best friends I have in my life right now I met through my community on Facebook and Instagram.

-Try out a couple of new activities that you’ve always wanted to try and challenge yourself to say hello to at least one other woman in the class/at the gym/wherever you are, engaging in the same activity. One of my personal favorites was always yoga class, people were usually pretty “go with the flow” and friendly, so starting a conversation was easy.

-Engage with women who are on the same track as you. This is not to say that you shouldn’t build relationships with women that are different than you, because you definitely should! What I mean by this is to build relationships with women that you can relate to and who have the same ambitions and interests. You become the reflection of the people you spend the most time with, so be sure that you want to mirror them.

-When you do make a friend, give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t let old stories of betrayal and drama taint your current relationship. Trust them until they give you a reason not to, you might be surprised by how close you become to people by giving them a little faith.

“Friends are those people that ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.” (Ed Cunningham) Take time to listen to other women, genuinely hear them, build them up and I promise you will have made lifelong friends without even knowing it. In a society where almost everything is fake having someone who is just genuinely there for you is priceless. Fight the instinct we all have to be competitive and confrontational with each other and you will find yourself surrounded by amazing energies that will help you feel confident, strong, and empowered. I for one am the product of all the women in my life and I couldn’t be more grateful.