A Nurse Called Me "Heavy" During My Pap Smear Exam

Yes, ladies, you read the title of this article correctly. (I say ladies because I doubt any guys will read this because "Ew!" right?) Two days ago I went in for a routine pap smear test. And while spread eagle with the speculum inside me, the nurse on the side of me handing the doctor the swabs, made a comment about me being "heavy".

How did this happen? Well, the doctor and nurse were chatting about moving the exam table back to its original spot, and boom! The nurse said, "After she's off it, she's heavy." And what does she do after saying that? She smiles. Yes, she smiles! I know what you're thinking, "how could you tell she was smiling with a mask on?". Oh, you could tell! I saw her cheeks move and her eyes squint. She was definitely smiling. And it was no quick smile. She had that smile on her face for a bit too long.

I was stunned. But I was not the only one. My doctor made a shocked face and said "Don't listen to her. Who says that?!" Yes, who does say that?

I'm a very self-conscious person. I don't think I'm pretty or good-looking. I hate my body. Because of this, I hate having my picture taking. I don't wear bathing suits. I don't wear white because white makes you look bigger. I feel gross and ugly without makeup.

Going into this appointment, I was frustrated and disappointed. Because as you know, you are weighted before you go into the exam room. I have been working out regularly for about two months to lose weight and be healthier. At this appointment, I found out I didn't lose a single pound.

So. I'm already a very self-conscious woman, then found out I didn't lose any weight after consistently working out for a couple of months, and this nurse calls me "heavy". Once the pap smear exam was over and the nurse left, I asked the doctor (with a quivering voice) about weight loss and possible health issues that could affect that. I told her how it's difficult for me to lose weight. Again, she told me "Don't listen to her", regarding the nurse, and said she could run blood tests to see how my thyroid is.

I felt like shit.

Before leaving, the nurse came back in to give me my paperwork and said "and you're not big". I'm not big? Jee thanks. So she thought I was heavy and big. What a lovely nurse!

I was not in a good mood for the rest of the day. I cried in the car on the way home. I cried once home. I felt even grosser of my own body. I didn't want to eat after that.

What is up with this nurse? I've interacted with her before and she wasn't overly friendly, in fact, she seemed like she was unhappy to be there. That already makes you uneasy as a patient. You don't want a nurse or doctor to act like they hate their job. Although I knew this nurses' attitude I was not expecting her to call me heavy. Am I the only one she's made a comment like this to or has she said things to other patients too?

I don't understand why she works in the field that she does. Because she shouldn't. Women going after other women verbally is already a big issue in our society. We shouldn't have to worry about being attacked and judged at the doctor's office too, which is supposed to be a safe and healing place.

If I get that nurse again, I'll just be thinking she's judging my weight and looks when she sees me.

...

I want to go back to the question "who says that?" Why would a woman, who's a nurse, make a comment on another woman's weight to bring her down? She clearly wasn't joking. It was a cruel, snide, unnecessary comment. No woman should be bringing down another woman. So what blows my mind is the fact that this woman was not just a woman making a rude comment to another woman, she is a female nurse making a rude comment to a female patient. She should not be a nurse, a person who is supposed to help and make people feel comfortable.

Not only was it shocking she said this because she's a nurse, but it was also shocking because of the timing. I'm naked, spread eagle with a device inside me to open up my vagina and cervix, which is a very vulnerable position to be in. And she, basically, calls me fat during such a vulnerable and uncomfortable situation. Who does that?!

This incident happened two days ago, and I'm not going to lie, I'm still not in a great mood. I wanted to share my experience because I know I'm not the only one this has happened to. I want to spread awareness that although doctors' offices are supposed to be supportive, non-judgmental, and safe places, that is not always the case. Fat-shaming happens everywhere. It's sad but true and needs to stop.

Words can really hurt a person. What if I had an eating disorder? After being called heavy I would have gone home and done a bunch more damage to my body. Or worse, committed suicide. I'm not trying to make this into a bigger thing than it is. It is true. Words aren't just words. They can do damage to people and the truth is that nurse didn't know who she was making that comment to. For me, it's a bad few days and a hit to my already bad self-esteem. For someone else, it could have lead to cutting, an alcoholic or drug relapse, or returning to throwing up everything that's eaten.

It's not funny nurse, so wipe that smile off your face.

Although that nurses' comment did do a bit of damage, I'm not going to let her comment rule my world. Yes, it was a rude and cruel thing to say, but she did it in front of a doctor. She showed her colors. So I know I'm not the only one who thinks she's a bitch. I'm not the only one who dislikes her. I'm not the only one who thinks she was in the wrong. And that gives me a bit of satisfaction. Now hopefully she doesn't last much longer at that doctors' office!